Visit With Jill

Several of you have commented that I seem very down.

Well, you're right.

I'm down.

This is not pleasant to say the least.

I saw Jill this morning and she was resting in her room.  She opened her eyes to acknowledge me, she attempted to communicate through hand squeezes, and seemed more at peace when Cliff, Megan, and Joel were at her side.

There was a certain sweetness in the room. 

I walked out of there sad that I had to tell Jill goodbye and that I may never see her again.  

And, if I don't see her again in that body I'm ok with that.  

That body is not Jill.  

Jill's apparently too much for her earthly container--and she will certainly outlast it. 

Eternally.

This world is not our home and that's why we get so upset, sad, mad, and heartbroken.  

This is not how it was meant to be. 

But, I can say with confidence that I am at peace, as much as one can be at peace in situations like this.  

Dear Eve

Thanks to you and your husband's stupid sinful ways I'm dealing with PMS in addition to the sickness of one of my closest friends.

Both of which are causing major amounts of dehydration.

My Bubba Keg 52oz. cannot compete with this loss of fluids.

Seriously, could you just have kept your hands to yourself?

Jesus didn't want me to have PMS.

Or friends dying.

Just thought I would let you know.

You're very lucky that when we get to Heaven we won't be allowed to fight.

Because right now I really just want to punch you in the face.

No Regrets.

When Jill and I started becoming friendlier than the "Jill from my small group" or "Jill from my church" and began moving towards "Jill, who is part of my small circle of ladies with a mutual past" and "Jill, one of my favorite friends" and "Jill, my mentor, friend, and supporter" I kept hearing a small voice in the back of my head saying, "Be careful.  She's going to leave.  Don't let yourself become too involved because it's only going to hurt."

I'm so glad I ignored that voice. 

I will never, ever, ever regret one moment of friendship with Jill.  

feeling sorry for myself

This past week I was talking to some of my students about my drive to work.  Most people are surprised when I tell them I commute 2 hours one way to my job.  Most of the time they say either that I'm crazy or something like, "You poor thing."

I quickly remind them to never feel sorry for me.

I certainly don't feel sorry for me.

I do not have to face what my friend, Jill, is facing.

You want to talk about dignity?

You want to talk about bravery?

You want to talk about loving and praising God in spite of ridiculously unfair circumstances? 

Spend some time reading her blog.

Spend some time imagining an ALS diagnosis.

Spend some time in her shoes.  Or in her wheelchair.  Or with her machines and loss of mobility.

Spend some time having to face death square in the eyes.

Spend some time imagining the struggle just to be.

And suddenly your woes might not be so bad after all.

Jill, I love you so much.  My heart is completely torn in two this moment and I want you to know how proud I am to call you my friend.  XOXXO   

These Are The Days

These are days you'll remember

Never before and never since, I promise

Will the whole world be warm as this

and as you feel it, you'll know it's true

That you are blessed and lucky

It's true, that you are touched by something

That will grow and bloom in you

These are days you'll remember

Then May is rushing over you with desire

To be part of the miracles you see in every hour

You'll know it's true, that you are blessed and lucky

It's true, that you are touched by something

That will grow and bloom in you

These are the days

That you might fill with laughter

Until you break

These days you might feel a shaft of light

Make its way across your face

and when you do

You'll know how it was meant to be

See the signs and know their meaning

You'll know how it was meant to be

Hear the signs and

Know they're speaking to you

to you

Thanks Maniacs :)  

Thoughts on Thursday: New School Year Edition

1.  Molly had a pretty good day at school yesterday.  She would prefer to stay in her beloved Mrs. Payton's class but I keep reminding her that her friends are no longer with Mrs. Payton and she would never learn anything.  She tells me, "Yes, but we could have a lot more fun if I didn't have to go to school."

2.  Survived my first day of students yesterday.  Wednesdays are going to be long this year, but ok.  I like my classes, I like my students, and I like my job.

3.  My personal verse of the semester is James 1:19:  My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.  Sometimes, and this may come as a shock to you, I tend to spout exactly what comes to my mind, especially when I feel wronged.  There are plenty of times if I would just simma down and give myself a minute to pause, pray, and assess the situation I would not have to play clean up with my comments.  


Last semester it was Ephesians 6:12:  For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. This reminds me when I'm having a bad day, especially at work, that it's not about me vs. those people that tick me off--that it's me allowing Satan to steal my joy. 


No way.  No how.  


4.  I look forward to working with both of my two performance groups this semester.  Extremes but so good!  


5.  I really want Molly to have a great year in first grade.  My first grade teacher was my mom's best friend and her classroom was directly across the hall from my mom's classroom.  I couldn't even get a Warning beside my name (only happened once thank you very much and only because my rings fell off my fingers during naptime I wasn't playing or doing anything wrong AND it happened to be the week that the good kids who didn't get a W by their names got FULL SIZED HERSHEY CHOCOLATE BARS for treats while the rest of us had to sit with our heads down and watch our friends consume said chocolate bars) before my mother would come into the room and give me the look.  Sigh. But I loved first grade and I remember learning a lot. 


6.  Chris is camping in the backyard with the girls Friday night.  Molly loves to do this--but she "roughs it" with her DVD player and fan hooked up to the extension cord.  I'm sure they will watch "Secondhand Lions" and talk their daddy's ears off.  


7.  I worked 4 days last week and will have worked 4 days this week.  Whew.  It caught up with me last night.  I wanted to cry I was so tired--so I just soaked in the tub and tried to make the world disappear. 


8.  Broccoli (does anyone else sing the "b-r-o-cc-oli, broccoli, broccoli" rhythm from Elmo's World?  I will never misspell that again!) Salad is my favorite.  I could eat it all by myself. 


9.  Pirate football in 10 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I really hope it's televised as we don't have tickets.  I can't WAIT!


10.  I'm sooooooo excited about Waco.  I really need a countdown or something on my sidebar. 

First Day of School!

Hard to believe that tomorrow is another first day of school!  Molly is not happy about starting first grade.  We've had multiple break downs over the past few days and it's all I can do to keep her relatively calm.  She's so worried about not having friends--which makes me laugh.

Tomorrow is my first day with students--let's see what happens. . .

Hello Students

1.  Don't be dumb.  Think before you speak, laugh, or pass gas.  

2.  Just be nice to everyone.  Seriously, if you are just nice instead of showing off more people will like you.  Trust me on this one.  You aren't any better than anyone else.  If you were you would be on TV or something.  And even people on TV aren't always better.  So, again, you are just regular like the rest of us.  

3.  Go to class.  Easy enough.

4.  You are at school to learn--not socialize.  Please don't let me hear you whining about no social life blah blah because of Professor So and So's endless assignments.  You are paying tuition in part to pay us to make you work.  Get over it.

5.  Please shower. Regularly. With soap and shampoo.

6.  Take this time to be selfish with your time--learn, explore, study, enhance your skills.  You don't HAVE to have a significant other to function.  It's ok to be concerned about yourself.

7.  You will not understand everything that happens to you during your college years.  Then, you will look back and wonder why it was such an ordeal and wish for those days once again.

8.  Go to sleep on a regular basis.  Regular basis should not include class time.

9.  Your mom is no longer doing your laundry.  Time to learn how.  Do not wear rumply clothes or the clothes you rolled out of bed wearing as you dash to class.

10.  In t-minus 4 years you will be an adult.  Don't wait until a month before graduation to buckle down or graduation will become a dangling carrot and you will be the mule.  Neverrrrrr goingggggggg to make it.  . . . .

I'm excited to see you all very soon!  Happy Fall Semester!

Thoughts on Thursday: Friday Edition

1.  This week has been madness as I have worked Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, and I'm heading over again in just a few hours for more.  With intensives (semester classes crammed into a few days), orientation, and just plain old back to school, I am BEAT!  Today will be long with registration, new student dinner, and then a social activity, but it's so fun meeting the new students.

2.  I broke down and bought a pair of boots.  I've been searching and searching for a pair for the winter and I've only seen 2 pairs I really liked.  I have personal pride rules about not looking like a cowgirl or rhinestone rodeo girl.  I also have no use for ridiculously high stiletto heels.  Dumb, dumb, and dumber.  I didn't pay a lot for them (compared to the $200+ models I really liked in Raleigh this past week) and I'm ready for them to come in.

3.  I will NOT wear them with stirrup leggings.  I saw them live and in person this past week and nearly gagged on myself.  However, if I was to break down and buy some stirrups to wear under the boots I have purchased, I have some rules I've given myself and (highly suggest you enforce with yourself) in public and private as well:  1.  Amanda Avery will not wear spandex cotton pants with stirrups.  Absolutely freaking not.  2.  If one chooses to wear stirrups, do NOT pair them with a flat or anything else that shows the actual stirrup.  Just let it be your little secret.

4.  Chris and I ate Mongolian last night.  I have a love/hate relationship with that place.  I like the food but I HATE what it does to me.  Delicious pineapple is the secret to yum.  However, it requires a shower after consumption.  And I'll leave it at that.

5.  I think my husband is funny.

6.  I'm sure my students think I'm overly happy to see them.  I am happy to see them--they crack me up!

7.  I ate lunch with a student this past week who had spent her summer in Hawaii completing her internship.  I was delighted to hear about her travels, her aspirations, and to chat about life in general.  She's awesome.

8.  I want to visit NYC again.  I really enjoyed that trip last year with my family.

9.  My mom is awesome.  While we were visiting Raleigh for Lily's eye appointment we drove over to Crabtree for window shopping.  I had my eye on some cute candle holders in Crate & Barrel but chose to leave them behind because it wasn't a need.  She bought them for me and I can't WAIT to bust them out along with the rest of my fall decor.  I don't have nearly the same amount of fall decor as my Nov/Dec/Jan/Feb seasonal decor, but it just primes the pump you know to have a little orange and red and brown (smooch I heart brown) in your September and October.

10.  Lily went to her specialist on Tuesday (another thing in this crazy week).  He was concerned that the patching will leave residual turning (crossing) of the eye so she will wear her eye patch for 3-4 hours a day for now and then arrive at her next appointment in December patchless to determine if the turning is a result of her patch removal (we took it off during the appointment) or permanent.  If it's permanent she'll need corrective surgery.  Blah.

11.  (oooh a bonus!) Is anyone else around here SUPER EXCITED about Pirate Football?  Anyone around here have some tickets they need to get rid of???????  ARGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Have a great weekend everyone! :)

Stupid.

Mongolian.  You make me sick to my stomach.  Literally.

Stupid delicious pineapple.

PSA Part Deux

1.  Be nice.  Even when it kills you.  Even when you want to punch that person in the face for being such a turd.

2.  Don't chew with your mouth open.  Minus-minus for food spittage issues because you are too busy talking.

3.  Ladies, ladies, ladies, wear a slip.  Please.  And other important undergarments.

4.  Watch a little Tyler Perry--everyone needs some Madea-ease in their vocabulary.  Trust me on this one.  And you might want to obtain your bag o' belts for certain occasions.  Again, trust me on this one.

5.  Don't "friend" people you intend to talk negatively about on FB or other forms of social networking.  This list includes but is not limited to:  your instructors/professors/teachers, your siblings, your BFFs, etc.  This was part one of the "Don't Be Dumb Series" last year in MU157 (shout out to some of my favorite peoples last year!)

6.  Once upon a time men held doors for ladies.  Please do this.  Especially if there are elderly ladies struggling with their canes.  You can get bonus points by saying, "My pleasure" when they thank you.  Make 'em swoon, fellas, make 'em swoon.

7.  Bacon makes anything better.  Sandwiches, potatoes, salads.  In fact, if you are having an argument with a friend, fix them a meal with bacon in it.  Buddies for life.

8.  Snot Rockets have never been, and will never be appropriate in public.  They are probably never appropriate.  Especially at the beach.  There are small children around you know.

9.  Sunshine, spinning, coloring, bubbles, blankies, silly bandz, cookies, cocoa, and dress up will make you a happier person.  Try it next time you feel unhappy.

10.  There is nothing cuter than nakey baby booty butt crack. Bonus points if they are running and giggling down the hallway.  Awww.

Super Saturday

This morning I woke up and decided to run over to the mall because one of my favorite clothing stores was having an awesome sale on their pants (buy one get one free).  I used to shop all the time and buy a ridiculous amount of clothes or whatever because I felt like I needed them.  If I didn't have the money I'd just plunk down my store credit card and voila! have a whole new ensemble.  I have never felt like a cute girl, but I would buy really cute clothes and then pretend to be cute.  This continued until I had Molly and then all of the sudden all my money went towards taking care of her needs and my priorities shifted.  I really didn't need new clothes and I sort of wanted to hide my less than stellar post-baby body.  I also lost all sense of style and what is actually stylish and what the key pieces are for the current season.

AND Chris and I have been very mindful of our spending for the past two years and have made a point not to put unnecessary items on credit. We've closed all of our store cards (with the exception of Lowe's and Best Buy because they offer credit terms without interest--essentially like layaway which I am a total fan of on big ticket items--and we ALWAYS pay them off by the end of the term) and have narrowed our debt down to one credit card with a smaller balance in comparison to what we've had in the past.

I also recognize that I am neither 6 feet tall nor rail thin and that fashion is not aimed for a regular girl like myself.  However, there is a part of me that really likes to feel cute.  And any girl that denies that is a liar.  I don't care what she says--we like to feel cute/pretty/hot/attractive.  

Cute means different things to different girls, but we all crave the need to feel comfortable in our own skin.

So this morning I went to the mall and looked for several key pieces to enhance my fall wardrobe.  I was given a set amount to spend by Chris.  I am so fortunate that I'm only in the office 3 days a week so I do not have to have quite the extensive wardrobe.  I also really appreciated the fact that Chris kept the girls at home so I could go by myself.  I didn't feel like I had to rush and I could just sort of browse around.

I'm happy to report that I did find some clothes items for GREAT prices (I am pleased to report that I stayed within $15 of my budgeted amount--and saved almost $150 on my purchases) and I feel pretty good about starting the new school year.  The fashion police will most likely not see me as a major offender (I hope!) nor will I receive a badge of honorable mention, but I feel ok.

And I'm ok with feeling ok. :)

Worse than bed bugs. . .

In the spirit of Caroline's last post (hilarious--a must read), I decided to share one of my own parenting horror stories.

When Molly was about 3 months old, Chris and I went to my parents' house in Jacksonville for the evening.  My parents had changed my old room into the guest room and we always sleep in that room when we visit.  Mom had put twin beds in the room so Chris and I slept a la 1950s in separate beds and usually put the pack-n-play in between.

That night, Chris was kind enough to get Molly for her 2am feeding and let me sleep a little more.  I helped with the bottle and then went back to sleep.  Chris was feeding her in his bed and the two of them eventually fell asleep during the feeding.

A little bit later I woke when I heard Chris calling my name and he was whispering, "Amanda!  Get this bottle, it's leaked all over me."  I went over to his bed and noticed that it was smelling less than fresh.

And by less than fresh, I mean, disgusting.

A mommy's nose never lies and I told him that I needed to get Molly up and change her dirty diaper.

Chris tried to pick her up slowly with hopes of not waking her and as he did I heard this slluuuuuuurrrrrrrrppppppppp-y sound.

Sort of like when you have a wet sheet of Saran Wrap on a counter.

I turned on the lights and saw horror of horrors:  Green mustardy grossness all over Molly, the sheets, Chris's chest and shorts, and it was still oozing out of her sleeper.

Chris said, "Oh no.  Oh no.  Oh NO!!!!!!  It's ON ME!!!!!!!!!!"

I remember standing there and had not a clue how to begin and dry heaving a little.

Molly woke up and flashed me a toothless and sleepy grin.

Chris looked like he was going to vomit or cry.

I went to the bathroom and grabbed an older towel, baby wash (thank you Huggies for your presoaped wipes!) and the regular baby wipes and went to work stripping her down on her changing pad--being very careful not to spill any of the toxic contents.  Chris immediately sprinted to the shower and I put a clean Molly (who was still not screaming or crying) back in the pack-n-play so I could strip the sheets.  We did all of this without waking up my parents who were very amused the next morning to get the play by play.

Parenthood is one tough job.  No one prepares you for those moments of bodily functions.

However, it's 100% worth it, wouldn't you other parents agree?

Thoughts on Thursday

1.  I am trying desperately to recover from going back to work and dealing with this crazy headache/cold/fatigue/sinus issues that have been passed around our house.  Blah.

2.  Work is great--there's just a TON to do at the beginning of the school year.  It's always a tough beginning with so much going on.

3.  I need a maid.  A good one.  One that will magically clean potties and put laundry away and vacuum and mop weekly.  That's all I need.  I can do the rest.

4.  I'm ready for fall.  And all the fun that comes with it.

5.  I have no idea where my children get their energy.

6.  I am so excited about going to Waco at the end of September.  Very, very fun.

7. I am going to be a rebel and not put 10 things today.  I was a rebel last week and didn't do a Thoughts on Thursday edition.  So there!

Stirring

Sweet Buster likes to wake me up with a low but cheerful bark usually around 5:50am each morning.  I groan, but then I oblige him with a trip outside to the potty.  Since it normally takes him around 5 minutes or so to find the appropriate spot to go (or much more if it's raining) I'm usually awake by the time he comes back inside.

The last month or so I've been staying up since it's back to work time for me and to allow my body to ease off of the summer schedule.  It's a peaceful time in the morning, especially when I don't have to go to work, and I usually sit to read blogs or start the coffee.  I know that soon little feet will be coming down the hall and my day will begin--but for just a few minutes my time is actually mine.

Lovely.

Today my mind is on Caroline, Jill, and my students returning to MACU in two weeks.

My mind is also on my mommy friends who are dealing with regular day-to-day concerns around the house, job, church, and life in general.  It's so hard sometimes and we tend to compare ourselves to one another.  It's simply not a competition, yet we all want to win.  I don't know about you, but I'm tired of playing that game.  I'll just take care of my children, and you just take care of yours and hopefully they won't kill us in the process.

Napping--who knew I would crave it so much??  Lily and I took a nap together in my room on Sunday afternoon and we both slept over two hours!  I never take a nap--and I never nap that long but I was so refreshed afterwards we might do it every Tuesday and Thursday and weekend this year!

My mind is also on something in particular and I'm not sure if I'm really hearing a whisper from above or just my own mind/heart jumping to conclusions.  I hate/love it when I have a hunch about things and I get curious as to whether things pan out.  I've been right enough times to trust my hunches, but I also get a little scared when they are things I'm not sure I want to deal with or think about.  So, in the meantime, I will just pray.  And if you are the praying sort and want to join me, that would be awesome. :)

Good Tuesday morning everyone!

Slumber Party

Selah came to visit.  

She is one of Molly's BFFs and she spent the night with us this week.  

The girls started the day with princess breakfast:  bread, butter, jam, bacon, fruit, and milk. 

We even had candles!

I don't know about you but I always feel better when I put my princess gown on first thing in the morning.   

And, of course, Little Priss couldn't be left out of the fun.

This is her princess pose:

Notice her pouty face.  

That's a little scary.  

I'm not ready for the profile pics stage.

She's only 3.

I didn't have the heart to tell her she was experiencing a wardrobe malfunction.

What a great day! 

Prayers Please

Please take a moment and pray for my friend, Jill.

If you don't know her personally please just take a moment and ask God to be with her and to bring peace to her and her family.

He knows exactly what she needs even when we don't understand.

Thank you very much.

The One in Which Amanda Makes a Confession. . .

This past week I downloaded two albums from iTunes.


1.  The "Despicable Me" soundtrack.


Oh my goodness--what a find!  Pharrell and Robin Thicke--such a fun summer soundtrack.  And I personally love the title song that opens with:


I'm having a bad bad day
It's about time that I get my way
Steam rolling whatever I see
Despicable me
I’m having a bad bad day
If you take it personal thats ok


My girls love this soundtrack and I love that it's not so kiddy.  Of course, the Unicorn Song is a classic.  Uni uni uni corns, I love them!


If you haven't seen that movie, it is worth the price of admission.  My whole family enjoyed it--so make sure you add it to your Netflix queue.  Steve Carrell = Hilarious.


And, for number 2. 






Deep breath.  






2.  "Lead Me On" by Amy Grant


Ok, stop laughing.  


I fully recognize that this came out in the 80s and Amy Grant has sort of become a cliche punch line in Christian music circles.  


But, some of us remember a time before Darlene, Kari, Brooke, and Christy.  We remember before we had to sing with power vocals to every new worship song if you wanted to have a chic on lead vocals.  


Guys in worship music today have it so easy.  The guy vocalists sound like every other guy and don't have to be all crazy when they sing.  I mean, Chris Tomlin is a little high, but with the flick of a capo you guy singers can totally sing his songs (while us altos are CRYING because the natural harmony we found on the CDs becomes an unattainable goal).  


You have to know something about me as well.  I love music.  Period.  I can listen to just about anything and find something to enjoy--and a lot of the time it's something like a crazy bass line or an accessory percussion part that's quirky and fun.  I love it when they invert a rhythm or modulate to a new key during the climax of a song (makes me want to clinch my fists and scrunch my face up!)  I love voices that sound like everyone else, I love Whitney and Mariah and Aretha when they spank you with their vocals.  I love Williams and Menken, I love Stravinksy and Sondheim.  I love the sweetness of acoustic, and I adore studio created hip hop.  I love lyrics that are surprising, I love words that make you think.  

I internalize it all and I get it.  

Well, years ago, before she became commercialized and poptarty with "Heart in Motion" (Baby, Baby anyone???) Amy made all us girls say, "You know, she sounds like my mom, my sister, my aunt, my friend."  When I was a kid, my aunt, who really does sound like her and honestly if I sounded like my aunt I would totally be fine becauseshe'sthatgood, and I would sit around the fireplace with her guitar and sing until all hours of the night when we would get together.  

Amy was our specialty.  

Her lyrics were sweet and endearing (I still get a little misty when I hear "Tennessee Christmas" the first time during the holiday season--who doesn't love that hint of harmony in "where the loooooooove circles around us").   


(Hold up, let me give a shout out to my friend, Neal, before he goes all high and mighty on me in the comments section:  JESUS IS THE REASON FOR THE SEASON!!!)  


It was her voice that grabbed my attention.  It was gravelly and haunting and I wanted to sound like her.  


Not Debbie Gibson.  Not Tiffany.  


I wanted to sound like Amy.  


I remember years ago I sang at church and our chaplain came up and said, "Your voice reminded me of Amy Grant."  

I really almost cried.  

Needless to say, I wore out my Amy Grant tapes (this was pre-CD).  My favorite song of hers (besides her CHRISTmas albums which deserve a category all by themselves) was "Saved By Love."  I didn't quite grasp the magnitude of the song, but I loved the simplicity of the beginning (and goodness who doesn't need a little mandolin in their life???): 


Laura loves her little family,
And she's the kind of woman who loves them with her life.
But sometimes in the evening,
When the world rests on her shoulders
With four walls closing in,
She'll close her eyes.
Oh....
It's not like she misses being younger,
Though she never was in Vogue magazine or on TV;
Her husband loves her dearly,
And the morning shows her clearly,
Kisses her little baby girl.
Laura, she's the queen of the world.
Can't imagine ever leaving now,
Now that she's been saved by love,
Saved by love, saved by love.
Listen to her quiet heart singing loud.
Laura, she's been saved by love,
Saved by love, saved by love.

I would sing along and imagine that one day I would be a tired mommy who loved her family and was content to just love her family.  


Awww.  


Reminds me of a lot of us mommies who are trying to make sense of this crazy game called life and still have moments of sanity with our family.  I am so thankful that I have an opportunity to be a semi-stay at home mommy (even though my students have commented that I sometimes forget to turn of my mommy mode when I hand them a wet wipe.  What?  Their hands were sticky.)  


Anyhow, I know it sounds very 80s and all, but I still LOVE the beginning of that song and there are moments I hum it even though I have no CLUE where that tape ended up.  I finally decided that I needed to add that to my iTunes collection because sometimes you've got to have some nostalgia in your life.  


So, there you have it.  


Don't hate.