Thursday, August 12, 2010

Worse than bed bugs. . .

In the spirit of Caroline's last post (hilarious--a must read), I decided to share one of my own parenting horror stories.

When Molly was about 3 months old, Chris and I went to my parents' house in Jacksonville for the evening.  My parents had changed my old room into the guest room and we always sleep in that room when we visit.  Mom had put twin beds in the room so Chris and I slept a la 1950s in separate beds and usually put the pack-n-play in between.

That night, Chris was kind enough to get Molly for her 2am feeding and let me sleep a little more.  I helped with the bottle and then went back to sleep.  Chris was feeding her in his bed and the two of them eventually fell asleep during the feeding.

A little bit later I woke when I heard Chris calling my name and he was whispering, "Amanda!  Get this bottle, it's leaked all over me."  I went over to his bed and noticed that it was smelling less than fresh.

And by less than fresh, I mean, disgusting.

A mommy's nose never lies and I told him that I needed to get Molly up and change her dirty diaper.

Chris tried to pick her up slowly with hopes of not waking her and as he did I heard this slluuuuuuurrrrrrrrppppppppp-y sound.

Sort of like when you have a wet sheet of Saran Wrap on a counter.

I turned on the lights and saw horror of horrors:  Green mustardy grossness all over Molly, the sheets, Chris's chest and shorts, and it was still oozing out of her sleeper.

Chris said, "Oh no.  Oh no.  Oh NO!!!!!!  It's ON ME!!!!!!!!!!"

I remember standing there and had not a clue how to begin and dry heaving a little.

Molly woke up and flashed me a toothless and sleepy grin.

Chris looked like he was going to vomit or cry.

I went to the bathroom and grabbed an older towel, baby wash (thank you Huggies for your presoaped wipes!) and the regular baby wipes and went to work stripping her down on her changing pad--being very careful not to spill any of the toxic contents.  Chris immediately sprinted to the shower and I put a clean Molly (who was still not screaming or crying) back in the pack-n-play so I could strip the sheets.  We did all of this without waking up my parents who were very amused the next morning to get the play by play.

Parenthood is one tough job.  No one prepares you for those moments of bodily functions.

However, it's 100% worth it, wouldn't you other parents agree?

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