Dear Eve

Thanks to you and your husband's stupid sinful ways I'm dealing with PMS in addition to the sickness of one of my closest friends.

Both of which are causing major amounts of dehydration.

My Bubba Keg 52oz. cannot compete with this loss of fluids.

Seriously, could you just have kept your hands to yourself?

Jesus didn't want me to have PMS.

Or friends dying.

Just thought I would let you know.

You're very lucky that when we get to Heaven we won't be allowed to fight.

Because right now I really just want to punch you in the face.