MACU Winter Worship Tour 2011

If you're in the neighborhood we'd love to see you!

Sunday Shout Outs

These are some ladies I consider to be particularly great.  I hope you'll check them out:

Caroline and her family are currently living in South Africa working with Samaritan's Feet.  She's an eastern NC girl and we went to ECU together.

Emilie is one of my students.  She aspires to be a missionary and loves eastern European techno folk.  Well, that might not be 100% true, but she loves the people who live there.

Rachel and her family are my extended family.  And by extended I mean that we don't share any genes.  But, I'm sure our trees are in the same forest.

Laura and I met via blogging.  We finally met randomly one Sunday morning at the children's check-in area at our church when her family moved to the area.  It was my first time telling someone I didn't know, "Oh!  I read your blog!"  She's a homeschooling mama and hospice nurse.

And finally. . .

These ladies are professional bloggers and deserve your attention:  Emily and The Pioneer Woman.  I adore their words.  They rank up there with McD's french fries, vacation, and good music.

Happy Reading!

Festering Wound

Death is.

One minute you're fine and then 

The scab is torn off and all sensitivity is hanging out.  

It bleeds.  

It's raw.  

Gaping.  

And then what?  

Wait until it doesn't hurt anymore?

Or until I can slightly function?  

Or until I can breathe for five minutes without catching my breath all over again?

It never ends, does it?

It always sneaks back in, doesn't it?

And if you were here you wouldn't pat me on the head and tell me that it was going to be alright.  

Because you know better.  

You would cry with me.  And her.  And her.  And her.  And him.  And them.  And all of us.  

Make it stop.  

Make it stop.  

Make it stop.  

I just really miss you.  

Hello Vitamin D!

I've missed you!

Treasure, Week 5: Prayer

You have some catching up to do if you're just starting this series today!  

Here are the links to weeks one, two, three, and four.  
Isn't it fun to be orderly?  

Good Saturday Morning to you!  

The flu has finally crept its way out of our house, it's sunny, and it's supposed to be close to 60 degrees today in eastern NC!  Hip Hip!!!

I hope you and your spouse have had time together away from the kiddos this week.  I hope you have made a point to make each other a priority without those little ankle biters spoiling the mood.  

I kid, I kid about your kid being an ankle biter.  

This week is all about prayer.  

I almost didn't write this post because I wasn't sure I was the person to actually say anything about prayer.  

I am a pray-er.  I can pray all day long, often in one long continuous prayer about everything that crosses my mind.  I've got a 2 hour commute to work and I spend a lot of time in prayer as I drive--prayers for my family, my friends, my students, myself.

I know that God hears my words and there are many times He makes it clear that He's listening. 

I am good at praying by myself.  

I know my husband prays.  I have no doubt that he spends time communicating with God. I know he prays for us, our family, our friends, and our church.  

However, Chris and I do not pray together on a regular basis.  

Sure, we give thanks for our food and with our kids when they say their nightly prayers. We pray in the car before a long drive.  We talk about praying for certain things, we commit to pray for certain things, but as far as just sitting down and praying out loud and together, it just doesn't happen that much. 

I pray for Chris, I pray for our marriage, I pray for our decisions as husband and wife, I pray for our family.  

The majority of my most fervent prayers are about the three people I live with. 

And, unfortunately, they probably have no idea the countless words I've expressed on their behalf.

And guilt is covering me as I write this post.  

I should be better than this.  

I should absolutely be better than this.  

It's really hard for me to type these words this morning.  However, I refuse to let this blog, this series, this post be about putting up false pretenses.  I aim to be completely transparent, even to the extent of exposing my faults (which, if you know me well, you know that is a hard pill to swallow because I'm a big fan of "just keep dancing and smiling and no one will ever know").  

I think some of our habits are formed in the home.  I know a lot of my habits mirror the way I was raised in my parent's house.  To this day I make sure I have things ready the night before, I like to get things done in advance, and I worry that I haven't locked the door/turned off the coffee pot/unplugged the flat iron when leaving in the morning.  

I wonder how our habits will affect my girls. Will they be afraid or unwilling to pray with their spouses or families because they weren't exposed to it growing up?  Have I completely scarred them for life? 

I have to believe there is a balance.  I don't want them to be so far removed from society and social norms because of their ultrareligious acts and routines.  But, I want them to know that prayer is a powerful tool and that it's completely normal to ask for prayer from their families when they need or want it.  

I'd like to offer the following questions.  These are things I've observed inside and outside of my house and I strongly encourage us all to take a moment and think about our marriages/relationships.  

1.  Is the husband being the spiritual leader of the family?  How does he encourage spiritual growth in his family?

2.  Is the wife being a helper for her husband in regards to spirituality?  Does she openly support her spouse's leadership?  

3.  Do you and your spouse pray together on a regular basis?  Out loud?

4. Do you pray together as a family?

I really want us all to think about these questions.  Maybe you feel pretty good about the state of your marriage/relationship and prayer life.  I think that's wonderful and I'm curious how you and your spouse/significant other cultivate this area of your relationship.  I'd like to invite you to comment below.  This is not a time to be holier than thou, so for this week, please keep your name as "anonymous."

If you are like me and feel like you need work in this area, perhaps we can learn from those who are doing well.  I pray that instead of being jealous and feeling judged that we learn from one another.  We all have areas of improvement and sometimes it's very easy to sweep our issues under the proverbial rug and spend our time polishing our trophies instead of tackling the lump hiding under the rug.    

  

Until next week, I will be praying for you.  

Pun intended.  

Ooo I just don't LIKE her!

She's perfect. 

Her children are well-behaved and wear matchy matchy clothes. 

She cooks home cooked meals every night.  

Her home is spotless. 

Her husband thinks she's the best and tells her so all the time.

 And then he tells the rest of us all the time how great she is. 

Even her pet is cute. 

She wears the best clothes. 

She drives the best car. 

She always looks like perfection from head to toe. 

She's thin.

She has nice teeth. 

She walks around with an air of sophistication. 

She acts like she's better than the rest of us. 

Who is she kidding--she can't be THAT perfect (can she?)

Ladies,

We are not nice.

We are our own worst enemies.

We treat each other like dirt.

We are the reason we all have complexes about ourselves and our worth.

Why do we do this?

Why can't we celebrate with each other rather than rolling our green, jealous eyes?

That's the root of it all.

We're jealous.

And because we're jealous, we'll do anything we can to point out weaknesses of others. 

Survival of the fittest, right?

It's not nice.  It's not nice.  It's not nice. 

So, I encourage us to put the claws away and suck it up. 

She really might be pretty close to perfect.  

And, if that's the case, we probably have something to learn from her. 

Inspiration

There are many times as a creative person I feel slightly starved for inspiration.  I'm an old lady now and being a grown up often means that you have to perform routine tasks because your paycheck depends on it.  

You lack the ability to just twirl around in the living room because it's 8:43am on a Thursday.  

There are many days on my commute, when I'm rushing around town, or ridiculously busy that I just want to stop and sit.  I just want to drink coffee and breathe.  I want to focus on what's happening around me instead of what I have to do to make it all happen.

There are many, many, many days I'm jealous of my students who have time to sit in that swing and stare at the Pasquostank (even though it's a tad stinky and one must dodge the geese).  It's probably a good thing my office isn't in the library.  

These moments when I get to sit and blog and work my brain a little are a lovely escape for me.  I never quite know what's going to come out when I start typing.  Sometimes there are moments of revelation (seriously?  Broke Eye Baby was Divine, ya'll), moments of reflection, moments of observations, and moments of nothing special.  

But they are my moments.  

Sometimes we creative folks tend to make it too hard.  We want our work to display the next big thing, the next inspiring thought, the next important song, the next thing that will matter to more than 2 people.  

Instead of enjoying the process we focus solely on the product.  

We all need to step back and enjoy the ebb and flow.  Sometimes we won't have inspiring thoughts or things of value to say.  In those moments we need to just be quiet and enjoy the silence.  We need to take the time to rest our minds and let life happen.  

Because we all know when we let life happen inspiring things occur.  

You simply cannot force art.  

Emily over at Chatting at the Sky (probably my favorite blogger second only to Pioneer Woman) has been writing a lot recently about the desire of the artist.  You really need to check out this lady.  I swear if I knew her in real life we'd be best friends.  Or at least good friends.  Or friendly acquaintances.  

Bow Down

It's incredible what a little bit of sickness can do to your body.  While I seem to have avoided the onslaught of Avery Flu 2011, my body is pretty sore and weak feeling.

This has nothing to do with my age thankyouverymuch. 

When your body feels poorly, soon your mind and soul follow, and rotten thoughts begin to cloud your perspective.  You begin to listen to the voices and the whispers that tell you that you aren't good enough or strong enough or wise enough or small enough or big enough. 

You begin to doubt the road you've been traveling and start yelling in your best Garmin voice, "Recalculating! Recalculating!"  

The voices in your head start questioning everything you're doing and why you even bother doing it when you're just too tired to go on.  

Too tired to move to a new job that you felt called to. 

Too comfortable to leave your inner circle of friends. 

Too selfish to tend to the hurts around you.  

Too lazy to take time to study the Word and give Him more than the time of day.  

Too dirty with guilt to feel like you can ask for cleansing. 

In those moments, you better bow down.  And I mean let it all out, get it all out, expose every last weakness and bow down.  

Get on your face and thank the good Lord that He is good.  

Because if you don't bow down, He's going to knock you over.  

And there is nothing you can do when He starts moving.  

When the Sadducees were angry at the apostles for spreading the Word, a Pharisee named Gamaliel reminded the angry crowd with these words, "If this program or this work is merely human, it will fall apart, but if it is of God, there is nothing you can do about it—and you better not be found fighting against God!" Acts 5:38-39

If you are seeking His plan for your life, you better bow down.  You better be prepared to roll up your sleeves, grab ahold of the task, and give it all you've got.  We all have this idea that when He calls us we will bow for a season and then when we've served our time, all will be right with the world again.  

All will never be right with the world again until He returns.  

Your life is not about you.  

When things are bad, you better bow down and wait. 

And when things are good, you better bow down and wait.  

Because if it is the will of God, there is nothing you can do about it.  

Treasure, Week 4: Children

If you are new to this series, you might want to start by reading weeks one, two, and three before continuing with this particular post.  

Or, maybe you're a rebel and would prefer to read them out of order.  

It's a free country. 

Good Saturday morning!  It's a cloudy and cold day in eastern NC and I'm hugging my cup of coffee like it's life support this morning.  The weather magicians are saying that we might even see more of those flakes in the next few days.  This is alarming to me because as much as I really love snow days, I really feel the need to open the windows in my home for some fresh air because (dum dum dummm):  

THE FLU HAS HIT OUR HOME!  

Poor Christacular is laid up in the bed and the girls and I are staying far, far, far away from him.  I even slept with Molly last night for fear of the phlegm and aches creeping onto me in the middle of the night  catching the flu from Chris. 

I hope you are flu free at your house and I hope things have been going well in your marriage.  I hope you've been taking the time to look and act decent (or going beyond "decent" to "better") as well as made time to support and do something fun with your spouse.  Chris and I had a lot of fun watching the premiere of "American Idol" this week (let me pause here and say that we LOVE Steven Tyler. Love him.  I had sort of gotten over AI and haven't religiously watched it the last few seasons, but this season might be different!)

This week is all about those wonderful little people who live in your home.  They are cute, but very demanding.  They tend to be messy and create a lot of chaos in the home. They are loving and sweet, but whoo wee do they get fiesty when it's time to eat or sleep. 

We love them.  

We also understand why animals in the wild are sometimes driven to eat their young.

My children are my pride and joy.  Oh me.  I love those little girls of mine so much it hurts.  They are so much fun and loving, and I can't imagine life without them. 

They are also marriage spoilers. They have needs, they have routines, and they demand attention.  I can't let them fend for themselves and I have to help them do things.  This gets easier as they get older, but there are still things they cannot do without the help of an adult.  

And often in the food-chain of the home, the marriage falls behind the needs of the children.  

And this cannot, must not, should not happen. 

Now, I will raise both of my hands in guilt and admit that I let this happen more often than I should.  I can think of many times that I let my girls' wants get in the way of my husband's needs.  When my children were in that adorable cute baby stage all I wanted to do was hold and love on my baby, but that was about it.  

My baby became the love of my life.  

She was cute, she smelled good, she needed me, and I couldn't imagine loving anything more than that precious baby.  

And I put her value above God and above my marriage. 

You see, our spouse should come before our children.  And our spouse should come after our relationship with Christ.  And when those relationships get out of order, things get a little wonky.  His feelings are going to get hurt when you snuggle with that baby, but want nothing to do with him when it's time for snuggling with him.  She's going to get upset that you are sweet and cute with them but never do anything like that for her.  

And when we take Christ out of the center of our lives, it gets that much harder.

Essentially, parents are going to resent the time their spouse spends with their children, but no one ever really admits that out loud because only mean people think things like that.  And really, it's not the children's fault.  Because if it's not children it's ________ (insert golf, cars, video games, shopping, decorating, friends, etc).  

So, instead of blaming the children, we start blaming each other.  

Perhaps start with one night a week that is your time with just your spouse.  Hire a sitter, call grandma, or just put the kids to bed a little earlier.  Make a rule to not talk about the children.  If someone gets up and wants to potty/water/snuggle/a story, put them right back to bed once you've attended to their needs (a story is not a need).  Take the time to remember that fun person you used to date and used to be married to before having to share space with more people.  

I once heard that your spouse should be the first person you greet, and last person to say goodbye to during the day.  Instead of giving that person a quick "hey" and then a "hey how was your day I missed you so much what did you do at school today what do you want for dinner how about a snack thanks for this picture you look like a princess" to your children.  

It's not the amount of words, it's the amount of effort.        

This is a sticky topic, especially for women.  We feel like our entire lives revolve around these children we've been given.  We feel so guilty when we don't measure up to the other super happy mommies who seem to have it all together.  We feel like the more we invest into our children, the more validated we become as women.  

And that is not the case. 

We must remember there is an established pecking order in our lives. Being a mom to my girls is a wonderful job, but I must remember that I have two other jobs that come before them:

And I need to remember this as much as anyone else. 

1. I am a daughter of the King.
2. I am the wife of Christacular.
3. I am a mommy to my kids. 

What about you?  

What are you doing to make your spouse a priority over the kids?

Some of you are dealing with special situations like a sick child or tragedy, or perhaps a blended family.  This is going to require more specialized attention, but it can work.  I'm certainly not an expert on parenting and I haven't had to deal with those situations in particular, but I know many of you have.  So, if you've got some words of wisdom in regards to either of these situations, please feel free to leave a comment below for someone who is struggling in this situation. 

Photography by the lovely Lauren Thorn

Broke Eye Baby

My daughter has been wearing a patch on her eye for over a year and half.  She has a few eye issues which resulted in a need for glasses and patching at age 2.  Most of the time she puts on her glasses and patch without struggle and goes about her business.

But, every once in a while she tells us that she doesn't like wearing the patch and that she really doesn't want to put it on.  

And when she does that, my heart breaks a little.  

I know she doesn't like wearing the patch.  I know her eye feels sweaty when she takes off the patch at the end of the day.  I know it's not fun to pull out a little bit of her eyebrow every time she rips off the adhesive patch.  I know she would rather use her better eye instead of covering it to strengthen the weaker eye.  

I want my daughter to be able to wake up and see the world like her sister--without the need for glasses or patching or visits to the eye specialist throughout the year.  

I want her to be able to play on a playground without having to visit the eye care center to straighten out her frames when she bends them. 

I worry about her going to school and having children tease her.  

But, I know that she must endure all of this if she wants any hope of gaining better vision when she's older.  

Therefore, she must patch.  There's no other option right now.  

This morning was one of those mornings in which she didn't want to patch.  She brought her bag of patches to Chris and started crying and said, "I don't want to put my patch on" in that awful, pitiful voice.  Her face was all crumpled and sad and I watched as my husband reminded her of her need for the patch as he gently put it over her eye.   

In that moment, as I watched Chris and Lily, I thought about the rest of us and the daily patches we put on.  

"I didn't want my spouse/parent/friend to die."

"I don't have enough money to pay the bills."

"I hate my job."

"Why did that accident have to happen?"

"I don't like where I live."

"I didn't expect my relationship/marriage to end up like this."

"I don't understand why I have to endure trial after trial after trial."

I imagine in those moments our Heavenly Father looks at us and tries to explain to us, His little 3 year olds, that even though we can't understand it, we must endure the patching. I'm sure His heart hurts a little as He reminds us that we must straighten up, dry our tears, and wear our patch in order to strengthen our eyes.  He knows we don't understand it.  He knows it doesn't make sense to us to cover our good eyes when we could use them now. His heart hurts for us when we cry out to Him about the confusion of this life.

But, if we never endure the patching, we will never be able to see like He sees.

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart. . .  

Mama A Says: Just Be Yo-self!

Hello Dear Students,

I am SO EXCITED that in just a few hours I get to see many of your wonderful faces and get to catch up with all the exciting things you have done over the break.  I love to hear what's going on with you, your main squeeze, and the hoodlum-esque stories you unload in my office.

But, the thing I love most about you, is when you act like yourself. 

You are some pretty fun people to be around, and none of you are the same.  Please do not feel like you need to change this, that, or the other about you to make people like you more.  How many times have you looked at someone and said with a roll of your eyes/sucking of the teeth/head crank, "Look at So & So, they are trying so hard to be like BlahBlah because So & So thinks that BlahBlah's poopie don't stink."

Ok, maybe you didn't use the word "poopie." 

Some of you are laughing and say, "Yeah, that's So & So!" and ignoring the gianormous plank sticking out of your own lovely eyeballs. 

So, in the event you're curious if this blog is referring to you, please take the following quiz prepared by none other than your Professor who loves you: 

1.  When selecting music to download on your iPod, do you think about what people would say if they scrolled through and saw your playlists?

2.  Do you utilize vocabulary or phrases that your favorite people (outside of your inner circle) use on a regular basis?

3.  Do you select your wardrobe based on the classes you have that day? For example, you have classes with Mr. Sweet Cheeks (facial cheeks ya'll, come on. . .) on MWF, but on TTh you look like trash because you know you won't see him. 

4.  Do you obsessively learn all the words to Miss Looks Hot's favorite song/movie/poem to impress her with the random knowledge you just happen to randomly know itmustbeasignfromtheLord?

5.  Do you buy trinkets, cell phones, or shoes as status symbols?

6.  Do you ladies watch ESPN (pronounced one letter at a time E. S. P. N., not 'espin') to call out sports scores of your favorite boy's favorite team?

7.  Do you have chaffing because you have to wear skinny jeans?

8.  Do you wear prescriptionless Rob Bell glasses?

9.  Do you Wikipedia things you know nothing about to have the ability to throw around foreign last names and people who did really cool things?

And finally. . .

10.  Do you hate on people who seem to effortlessly draw the attention of others? 

If you answered "yes" to any or all of these, run to the nearest mirror and take a good, long look at yourself. 

You are beautiful (no matter what they saayyyyyyy  sorry, Christina Aguilera moment). 

You are handsome. 

Psalm 139:14, ya'll!

Embrace your weirdness, your quirks, your ticks, and your flaws. 

They were put there on purpose--and they will serve you well in the future.  

Love and Smooches, 

Mama A. 

Treasure, Week 3: On Being Decent

If you haven't been keeping up with the "What If. . .?" Series, you might want to start by reading weeks one and two before continuing on to this week's installment. 

Welcome to Week 3!

I hope you and your spouse spent some moments of together time this week.  Chris and I had a few moments of together time this week, but I spent half of my time away from home at my job only to hand off children last night because he had a lock-in at church.  So, this is day 4 that we haven't seen each other for more than 20 minutes.  Luckily, my mom has agreed to take my kids for a couple nights this long weekend so maybe, just maybe, we can squeeze in a little movie date while they're away.  Any suggestions on a good (adult) movie?

Week 3 is all about decency.  

When I was growing up, "decent" was always the bare minimum of acceptable behavior and dress.  For example, when one was going to Walmart (we weren't blessed with a Target until after I graduated high school and returned from college), one would try to look ok enough that if you unexpectedly ran into someone you knew you wouldn't have to hide behind the rows of doggy kibble and bunny cage liner (easily the most smelly place in the whole store) until they passed into the outdoor garden section.

When preparing for this outing one would usually say, "I'm not trying to dress up or anything, but I at least want to look decent."

Decent grades were Bs and Cs.  

Decent behavior meant you avoided bodily noises in public.  

When you graduated college, you looked for a job with a decent salary. 

It was all about maintaining the status quo, being regular, doing what you were supposed to do.  

Just being decent. 

At times in our marriage, we are satisfied with decent.  We are ok that our marriage is apparently fine.  We get along relatively well with our spouses.  Our children seem to be well-adjusted and nice individuals.  We settle into daily routines and life is on auto-pilot. 

We do the bare minimum to maintain our relationships and lifestyle and by the looks of things, this type of behavior isn't going to hurt anything or damage the relationship in the long run.  

If being "decent" hasn't hurt things, why change now?

Ever heard the stories that begin with the phrase, "Everything was fine and then OUT OF NO WHERE. .  ."  or "I thought things were going well and then he just left me. . ." or "She never gave me any indication that things were wrong. . . "

Sometimes "decent" is as fun as vanilla.  

And even people that like vanilla want a little chocolate once in a while.  

So, this week's challenge is to find ways to improve your decent marriage.  Find one way to spice things up from "decent" to "better."  

Do not settle for complacency.  

Your marriage is something guard, to tend to, to cultivate, to grow.  If you had a garden with plants that never produced vegetables, you wouldn't settle for tall, beautiful, leafy plants.  You would figure out how to make those bad boys produce red, juicy tomatoes!  

It's the same with your marriage--just because it's ok from all appearances doesn't mean that it's as good as it could (or should) be.  

Chris and I have been married for almost 9 years.  We don't know everything there is to know about marriage in general, but we know about our marriage.  We have our shares of ups and downs like everyone else, but I would say (and I feel he would agree) that we operate a lot on autopilot.  We get along relatively well, we know (and usually) avoid the other's hot buttons, and we have a pretty regular life.  But, we need to remember that our marriage is more important than being regular.  We need to avoid settling for comfortable.  We need to make our marriage a priority and get out of our ruts and routines and make time to cultivate it.

What do you do (or need to do) to move your marriage past the decent stage?

Photography by the lovely Lauren Thorn

Guilt and Worry: 4 Letter Words

I am tired of being guilty--judged harshly and severely by a jury of one.  

I am tired of making myself sick with unnecessary worry. 

I am tired of living up to brutal expectations I place on myself.

"If I don't stay home with my kids they won't have the same mommy-child interaction that she has with her kids.  She's a better mommy than me."

"If I don't prepare this lecture to the nth degree people will know that I'm just a 31 year old girl pretending to be a professor.  They are all better at this and they see my insecurities."

"If I don't clean my house regularly people will know that we have clutter, small children, and a dog.  I'll never be as good as my mom."

"If I don't check my email constantly someone might get offended because I didn't respond in 2 minutes."

"If I put my foot in my mouth I will certainly lose any hopes of maintaining any sort of friendship with this person.  I'm not good at starting friendships anyway."

"If I don't check to ensure that Molly has done her homework correctly I will be a bad parent that teachers talk about.  I know because I used to talk about those parents."

"If I don't act like this or that people will judge me because I am a minister's wife/Bible college professor/Christian.  Talk about a triple whammy."

I am tired of feeling self-imposed pressure.  No one has ever verbalized any of this to me, but sometimes I really get sick of the voices in my head who constantly call me to shape up or ship out.

I think all women deal with some sort of doubt about their abilities.  We all have insecurities and worry points in our lives.

We measure ourselves against a standard that is not fair or realistic. 

This has been heavy on my heart recently.  Last week I listened to Andy Stanley on my way to work (if you don't subscribe to his podcasts, please do so) and thought constantly about Mr. Stanley's idea that God is our Father--He loves us like our fathers love us:  for who we are and for our potential.  I love my children for who they are and for who they will be.  I see their strengths and weaknesses--and I love them for both.

This morning I also read posts at Chatting at the Sky and (in)courage and they both struck such a chord with me.

For some crazy reason, I was created to be the person I am.  A short, OCD and ADD, emotional mess, musician, wife, mommy, friend.  Before I arrived He knew my path--and He orchestrates things in ways that are unfathomable to my human brain.

Therefore, when I worry and measure myself against anything that is not from Him, I am doubting His ability.  I am refusing to accept His plans and cramming my opinions and choices in place of them.  I am trying so hard to walk this tightrope of perfection--while completely ignoring the fact that I'm on the wrong rope to begin with!

Ridiculous!

I will take a deep breath.

I will walk the path set by the One who holds Time and Planning in His hands.

I will take off my overly scrutinizing glasses, step away from the mirror of self-doubt, and stop looking for acceptance in earthly places.

I will relinquish the gavel and the black robe to the One who is the Authority.  

Coolio.

I kinda know every word to Coolio's "Gangsta's Paradise."

I know.  I know. 

I'm the kinda g little homies want to be like.  

Tonight a commercial came on tv with that song in the background--and I was instantly staring off to the right, noddin' my head, and assuming my rapper face.  

Only the chosen few get to see my rapper face. 

I'm sure I looked intimidating sitting on the couch with my fluffy shihtzu, Buster Ray, wearing my pj pants, ECU sweatshirt, and typing on my MacBook.

Tonight my memory failed (slightly) but I could remember some key phrases.

And I said them with conviction.

Because that's what you do with your all time favorite songs.

The kind you turn up in the car with your fellow (elderly) car mates and sing along to on your Fantastic Voyage.  

And the goodness continues. . .

Mama A: Happy New Semester College Kids!

Hello Sweet Students!

Mama A here, ready to unload another installment about how not to be the student the professors snicker about in meetings*  who does poorly this semester.

Many of you are entering this semester with optimism:  It's a new semester!  It's time to study!  You're gonna do great!  You're gonna get more sleep!  You're not going to date because you are taking your studies seriously!  You're gonna be more responsible!  You're gonna save that GPA so you have a chance to come back another semester!!!

Yep, and then Thursday hits and the newness wears off and your back to your old tricks again.  

So, in the event you fall back into your old ways of failing to complete assignments on time, let me provide you with the top 10 worst excuses for not turning in your assignments or failing to show up for class.  Offenders will remain anonymous.  However, if you pull these shenanigans in my classes again this semester I will come back to this post and put your name in ALL CAPS for the world to see.

1.  "I didn't get the assignment."  If you didn't get the assignment because you weren't in class, it's not the professor's fault.  You are a grown up.  Act like it.  Find out from a friend in the class, check the syllabus, email the professor.  It's not our job to hunt you down like the elusive Loch Ness Monster.

2.  "I don't check my school email."  Seriously?  You don't check your school email?  You're at school.  We're at school. We're going to email you at school.  For the love of all that's good and wonderful, check your school email!  Of course we're not going to send it to your other (multiple) accounts.  Most of you have iPhones and Blackberries--get your email sent to your phone.

3.  "I didn't want to drive across town/walk across the street in the rain."  If Mama A can make it in to work, you can make it to school.

4.  "I was out of paper/my printer broke."  Our school offers a computer lab, a library, and Wal-mart is open 24 hours.  You are in a dorm of people with both paper AND printers.  AND, there is this lovely thing called "school email" that you can attach your paper to and ta-da! it comes directly to my inbox.  Or use a thumb drive.  Really, the possibilities are endless!

5.  "I didn't understand the assignment so I didn't do it."  Wow.  Do you expect me to say, "Oh honey, it's ok!" and pat you on the head and lead you to the Path of Understanding?  NO!  If you don't understand the assignment, do not wait until the due date to inquire about it AND expect an extension.

6.  "I missed every test this semester because I happened to be sick each time you had one in class (but made it to all of my classes that day and tried to sneak out without being seen so I could have another day to study).  Can I make them up?"  You must think we don't know what you're doing.

7.  "I didn't do well on your test because I didn't have a study guide."  You've got several study guides:  your book, your lecture, and your class notes/power points.  You're welcome!  Life doesn't come with a study guide.  You're going to have to learn how to apply knowledge and not just regurgitate for a test and then delete from your memory everything we've learned this semester.

8.  "I didn't feel like getting up this morning."  I can't wait until you tell your boss that one day.  Please let me know what they have to say.

9.  "Wedding planning is taking over my life." This can also read:  "We just broke up."  Whether you get married or not, life continues.  Contrary to the joke, this is not a bridal college.

And finally, my most favorite question:

10.  "I didn't miss anything in class today, did I?"  Of course not, this entire class was just coloring sheets and musical games and had nothing to do with fulfilling silly things like course requirements and SLOs.  And especially since you weren't there, precious.  We just couldn't go on without you.

Happy Spring Semester 2011!

*Of course we would never snicker about any of our students. Just like you would never offer these excuses to us.

Treasure, Week 2: Together Time

If you haven't read last week's post on this topic, you might want to take a few moments and read it before you move on to this one.

How was this week for you?  Did you take some time to be a treasure for your spouse?  This week was a little hectic at our house this week--cleaning, taking down Christmas (sniff, sniff), church, back to school, back to work, The Lion King!!!, and just the regular hustle and bustle.  There were more than a few moments in there I really just wanted to wear my pj pants and lounge around the house, but as a general rule I really tried to look presentable.  I spent a few dollars on a new shade of lipstick to remind myself to put it on and freshen my face (it was from Rimmel, so you know I didn't break the bank--but, can I take a moment and say I like Rimmel?  Cheap and fairly long-lasting!)  I tried to be agreeable, and I tried to phrase things much nicer when speaking to my love this week.  I tried over and over to be considerate.

I'm not even sure if Chris is reading this or not, but I thought it was a really good week at the Avery house despite all the chaos.

Week Two is about reflecting on your time together with your spouse.  Do you take time to do things together on a regular basis?  Or, is it more fly by the seat of your pants and hope to see each other at least once a day (or week, or month, or by next Christmas!)

I know how insane life gets--between work, school, church, and household tasks that it is so easy to let your relationship with your spouse get pushed way back.  Chris and I tend to go on long stretches in which we don't do anything for just the two of us.  We're too busy tending to our lives that we forget to stop and remember those people we were pre-marriage and children.

This has got to stop!

Why do we allow other mundane tasks and life get in the way of our relationships with those who matter most to us?

Chris and I usually cook family meals together.  One chops, one stirs the pot.  It's our time for communication, completing a household task together, and creates an atmosphere of togetherness in our family.  Our girls see us working together in the kitchen and they usually end up in there as well--drawing at the table or singing crazy songs.  It gets a little busy and crowded, but it keeps us from being isolated.  I appreciate the fact that Chris rolls up his sleeves and works beside me in the kitchen.  It's nice to have the extra help.  

What about you and your spouse?  What are things you can do together?  Here's a list of ideas for you to try:

1.  Clean out something in your home.

I know, I know, I know you are rolling your eyes in disbelief and before you slam your laptop shut, hear me out!  We cleaned our out attic this past weekend and it was actually. . . not terrible.

The time was not terrible. . . the mess was over the top!

We laughed at old photos and letters, smiled and talked about how much we had changed, and ended up with a clean attic.  We were able to donate a ton of items to Goodwill and threw away years of accumulation.  It was such a fun afternoon!

2.  Paint or redecorate.

Chris and I love to paint walls.  It's a cheap fix to a plain old room, and if you hate it, well, then repaint it again.

3.  Take a stroll in the neighborhood.  If your kids are of the riding bikes age, let them go in front of you.  It's good exercise, fresh air, and time out of the house distractions of cell phones, computers, and that ever-growing laundry pile.

4.  Take a stroll around Lowe's or your neighborhood home improvement store.  I love Lowe's.  My husband loves Lowe's.  We love to walk around and look at it all.  It's fun to window shop and dream and talk about making your house more of a home.  And, they have fancy car shopping carts that my girls love to "drive" while in the store.

5.  Take a mini vacation to celebrate important events.  The past two years Chris and I have made a point to go somewhere for our anniversary.  It doesn't have to be very far, it doesn't have to cost a lot, you don't have to do anything while you're there--but you need that time alone!

 Tennessee, 2009

Savannah, 2010

5.  Rent a non-cartoon movie, turn down the lights, and snuggle.  Perfection!  You can visit the Redbox, borrow a friend's movie, or watch one your own already.

6.  Invite other grownups to join you.  Remember how much fun it was to double date in college with another couple?  Recently, Chris and I went out to eat with the Collies before their return to South Africa and it was GREAT to be out with another couple in the same stage of life.

7.  Appreciate those small pockets of conversation.  Got a 10 minute drive to the store or church?  Talk to you spouse instead of turning on the radio or checking messages on your cell phone.

8.  Call Grandma.  Chris and I are so fortunate to have parents who are living close by--and the girls love to spend the night at their homes.  If you don't have a family member around, trade nights with a good friend who also has children. It's such a nice feeling to know that you can go out or go home, and someone is loving on your children as much as you would.  Thank you, thank you, thank you Bobbie, Carolyn, John, and Curtis!!!

9.  Sit outside.  Let the kids play in the yard or pool and sit with your love.  Talk, enjoy a beverage (tea or lemonade are our household favorites), and just admire the weather.  It's so good for the soul to be outside at the end of day and smell grills, watch the sky changing colors, and listening to the sounds.  Just don't forget your bug spray--the mosquitos love Christacular's sweet meat!

10.  Go on a real date. Yes, hire a sitter (or grandparent), dress up, and go out.  Take the time to put on makeup and perfume or cologne and wear something other than jeans or yoga pants!  Brush and floss your teeth, wax or pluck your brows, everyone needs to shave, and consider their appearances before going out the door.

Stop with the mentality of "He/she won't care.  We're married!"  

The reality is:  We still care!

Stop "dating" just because you're married--take the time to make it special.  You'll feel good, you'll appreciate your spouse's good looks again, and you'll be inclined to be more romatincal (a classic Chris phrase) while out and about.  

Your assignment this week is to spend some time together.  

I'm curious--what do you and your spouse or significant other do for together time?  

Alert! Nap Monster

Wanted:  Nap Monster

Offense:  Stealing precious few moments of quiet so mom might actually get a small nap once in a while

Accomplices:  3 year old who has to potty/drink/talk/bang walls/get out of bed for ________ reason, barking dog, cell phone, house phone, neighbor's booming car, too hot, too cold, and UPS truck zooming down road

Reward:  Happy Mom

What Happened??? on Wednesdays

What happened???

It's what I asked myself when I stared at my high school photos.  

I used to be thin. 

Not anorexic.  Not scary skinny.  Not bony.  

Let's face it, this girl's always had some junk in the trunk. 

But I used to not be so . . . squishy.  

Over the years I've had babies, weight fluctuations (thanks to medications and hormones), stress eating, weight loss and gains, and feeble attempts at weight loss and physical well-being. 

It's a vicious, vicious cycle. 

But, I've HAD IT with the squishy. 

So, each Wednesday I'm going to post what I've done that week to make my health a priority.  

I've started a diet--severely cutting back on sugars and carbs--my body's drug of choice. 

I'm figuring out which workout/physical activity will work best for me. 

And (because I really want to take this seriously). . .

I will post my monthly weight loss and photos.  

I'm seriously serious about this.  

"Mommy! The SKY is PURPLE!"

She marveled at this with shock and and delight this morning in our kitchen.  

To see her most favorite color in the most unexpected place--the sky!  What an absolute treat!  She smiled and gazed at the colors as the sun rose this morning.  

Sometimes we get so caught up in our lives--the hustle, the bustle, the necessity and the desire.  We put our heads down and forge ahead without taking a moment to breathe and look around. 

And we tend to miss these simple moments.  

May we all be challenged to look for the purple in the sky today and give thanks when the unexpected falls into our path.  

SO EXCITED!

Nants ingonyama bagithi baba

Sithi uhhmm ingonyama

I absolutely cannot wait until we get to see "The Lion King" this week at the DPAC!  

OH.  MY.  WORD. 

!!!!!!!!!!!

I have a feeling that I'm going to be moved to tears.  

Molly will be as well.  

She burst into tears at the "Sound of Music" at the conclusion of the first song ("The hills are aliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive") and said, 

"I'm just so happy!"

This little girl is clearly mine.  

 

No doubt. 

Tantrum.

If you say the word "epic" one more time Mama A is seriously going to punch you in the face.

"Epic" has officially moved into the "Most Obnoxiously Overused Words" right next to "amazing."

Enough with the "epic" in the breathy voice on the exhale.

Please, for the love of all that's wonderful and fluffy.

 

Squeaky Fresh

I love a good fresh start.

I love the feeling of New Year's even though it's not really a fresh start.

You know that, right?  That New Year's is really just a day and is eerily familiar--almost like the day before that and the day before that?

But, I like the idea of a fresh start.  A chance to make things new. A chance to make things different and better.

We spent a good part of this week cleaning up and cleaning out closets and our attic.  Our hallway and dining room look very much like an episode of "Hoarders" because we have so many boxes and items stacked up.  We have piles of clothes for Goodwill, Christmas decorations, bigger clothes for Lily and too-small clothes for Molly.  We have trash stacked up by the outside cans and a crate of papers to shred.

Chris said that it would be colder in our house now that we didn't have so much "insulation."

We also found bits and photos from our past--whew.  Some of you need to be kissing my toes now that I'm not scanning these bad boys for the whole world to see.

Seriously, you can thank me later.

Wow.

Moving forward. . .I love looking back at that girl I was, and the girl I am today.  I don't feel too old until I look back and laugh at some of the crazy things I used to worry with.  I also like that I remember her and that deep down I'm still the same old girl I used to be (cue Eagles. . . plus 2 points if you can identify that song!)

I took a stroll down memory lane, smiled, and put less of the items back into memory boxes.  Sometimes it's ok to let go of the past.

It's good that life changes, but it's always good to remember your roots.

What if. . . {Treasure, Week 1}

Sometimes I get a little whisper in my head.

I don't even know how to describe it.  Sometimes it's my voice, sometimes it's my voice but very authoritative, sometimes it's just a voice.  Before you think I've lost my mind completely, know that these voices are NOT telling me to drink the Kool-aid or anything crazy like that.  Sometimes they're more like promptings. Simple things like having notions to call someone or realizations that perhaps a situation is not as it seems.  I've learned over the years and through different experiences to trust these notions for the most part, as they are often correct.

Sometimes I like to force them to the back of my head, especially when they tell me things I don't want to hear.

I don't think I'm psychic or know things in the future--it's nothing like that.  It's more of an intuition.

Often acute intuition.  

So, this year (or at least this month, week, moment) I'm going to start exploring some of these notions.  We'll see how they go.  I'm hoping if nothing else they will start some conversations among us and perhaps bring us all insight.  Please note that I'm not trying to stir up dirt in my marriage or relationships--nor am I asking you to air all of your dirty laundry for the whole world wide web to see.  I'm merely making observations and trying to make sense of my notions (I don't have a better word for these things, so notions it is).  Perhaps this is something you need to read, perhaps it's something you already know.

I think for the most of us, this isn't rocket science, but more like a reminder of who we can be but often choose not to be.  

So, to start things off. . .

Is the potential success of our spouse (or significant other) directly affected by our behavior? 

How powerful are we in relationships?  Do we have the power to make or break someone?

Sometimes we (we as the collective, not necessarily Christacular and myself or our family or friends) get so annoyed because our spouse isn't living up to our expectations.  

She doesn't keep the house clean enough, she isn't cooking well (or at all!), she nags and wants to be with her friends, she only wears sweats and scrubby clothes, she never wants sex, she only invests herself in the kids or the house, she always spends money on clothes and stupid things.  

Or, he doesn't take out the trash, he's never around to help with the kids, he's always busy playing golf or out with the guys, he never listens to her, he's too lazy to get a real job, he always wants sex, he spends his money on toys, cars, or video games.

What if, instead of finding all of the faults in my spouse, taking a look at what I am doing wrong?

Is he not helping around the house?  Are you asking him to or yelling at him about it?  Who wants to help someone who nags and yells all the time?  And is it really his mess???

She's not dressing up for you around the house?  Well, are you paying attention to her when she does dress up?  Do you tell her she's pretty or looks nice when she's dressed up for work or church or a night out?  Are YOU dressed up???

Are you both so busy investing in your friends/children/jobs/life that you don't have time for each other?  

Is sex something that's a battle because neither of you want to give a little but expect to take a lot?  

We chose to be with this person, but we want our lives on our own terms.  

Let me share what I ran across this morning in my reading:

Proverbs 18:22:  He who finds a wife, finds a treasure.  

Ladies, are you acting like a treasure?  I'm talking about a real, honest-to-goodness treasure--not a cheap imitation.  Do you treat yourself as good as you treat your grandmother's china or an expensive item in your house?  Not an unattainable nor momentary treasure, but something that's of importance?  Are you dressing yourself like a treasure?  Do you consider yourself worthy?  Do you consider the work that you do as worthy?  

Likewise, men--are you treating your wife like a treasure?  Do you take care of her and place importance on her?  Would you do anything to keep her safe and in your life?  Do you spend your time and energy on her rather than your golf score or your job?  Do you show her how important she is to you?  Do you tell her she's important?  

When we put it like that, it's very clear what we need to do.  Women, we need to act like the precious treasure we are, and men you need to treat us like the treasure we are. 

Now, before anyone blows up and screams, know that this is a challenge for ALL of us.  Guys, I know it's hard to treat your wife like a treasure when all she does is lay around in pajama pants and play with the kids.  And ladies, I get it when you work really hard on the house and he leaves a ring on the coffee table and crumbs galore.  

This is not a time for women to put on the princess crowns and bark orders.  Think about your treasured possessions--grandmother's china or jewelry.  It's beautiful, functions well, is handled with love and care, and never goes out of style.  It's something that brings joy to the user by just being around.  

And men, think about your treasured possession--perhaps a car or boat.  You care for it, you repair it, you cover it in adverse weather.  The more you invest time and energy into it, the better it performs for you.  You take care of the routine maintenance because it's a worthwhile investment.  It brings joy to the user by just being around.  

But, what if, as an experiment, we all started acting like our marriage (or relationships) were a treasure worth protecting?  

Women, admit it, we like to feel desired.  And men, you love a challenge of seeking and obtaining a treasure.  

How about instead of looking elsewhere for these feelings, why don't we start in the home?  

Let's try this for now through Valentine's Day--a seven week commitment.  'Stacular and I certainly have our shares of ups and downs.  We don't have it all figured out, and there's always room for improvement in any relationship. 

But, what if we all commit to do this together?  Instead of New Year's Resolutions, what if we commit to a New Year's Revolution?  Who's with me???