I don't even know how to describe it. Sometimes it's my voice, sometimes it's my voice but very authoritative, sometimes it's just a voice. Before you think I've lost my mind completely, know that these voices are NOT telling me to drink the Kool-aid or anything crazy like that. Sometimes they're more like promptings. Simple things like having notions to call someone or realizations that perhaps a situation is not as it seems. I've learned over the years and through different experiences to trust these notions for the most part, as they are often correct.
Sometimes I like to force them to the back of my head, especially when they tell me things I don't want to hear.
I don't think I'm psychic or know things in the future--it's nothing like that. It's more of an intuition.
Often acute intuition.
So, this year (or at least this month, week, moment) I'm going to start exploring some of these notions. We'll see how they go. I'm hoping if nothing else they will start some conversations among us and perhaps bring us all insight. Please note that I'm not trying to stir up dirt in my marriage or relationships--nor am I asking you to air all of your dirty laundry for the whole world wide web to see. I'm merely making observations and trying to make sense of my notions (I don't have a better word for these things, so notions it is). Perhaps this is something you need to read, perhaps it's something you already know.
I think for the most of us, this isn't rocket science, but more like a reminder of who we can be but often choose not to be.
So, to start things off. . .
Is the potential success of our spouse (or significant other) directly affected by our behavior?
How powerful are we in relationships? Do we have the power to make or break someone?
Sometimes we (we as the collective, not necessarily Christacular and myself or our family or friends) get so annoyed because our spouse isn't living up to our expectations.
She doesn't keep the house clean enough, she isn't cooking well (or at all!), she nags and wants to be with her friends, she only wears sweats and scrubby clothes, she never wants sex, she only invests herself in the kids or the house, she always spends money on clothes and stupid things.
Or, he doesn't take out the trash, he's never around to help with the kids, he's always busy playing golf or out with the guys, he never listens to her, he's too lazy to get a real job, he always wants sex, he spends his money on toys, cars, or video games.
What if, instead of finding all of the faults in my spouse, taking a look at what I am doing wrong?
Is he not helping around the house? Are you asking him to or yelling at him about it? Who wants to help someone who nags and yells all the time? And is it really his mess???
She's not dressing up for you around the house? Well, are you paying attention to her when she does dress up? Do you tell her she's pretty or looks nice when she's dressed up for work or church or a night out? Are YOU dressed up???
Are you both so busy investing in your friends/children/jobs/life that you don't have time for each other?
Is sex something that's a battle because neither of you want to give a little but expect to take a lot?
We chose to be with this person, but we want our lives on our own terms.
Let me share what I ran across this morning in my reading:
Proverbs 18:22: He who finds a wife, finds a treasure.
Ladies, are you acting like a treasure? I'm talking about a real, honest-to-goodness treasure--not a cheap imitation. Do you treat yourself as good as you treat your grandmother's china or an expensive item in your house? Not an unattainable nor momentary treasure, but something that's of importance? Are you dressing yourself like a treasure? Do you consider yourself worthy? Do you consider the work that you do as worthy?
Likewise, men--are you treating your wife like a treasure? Do you take care of her and place importance on her? Would you do anything to keep her safe and in your life? Do you spend your time and energy on her rather than your golf score or your job? Do you show her how important she is to you? Do you tell her she's important?
When we put it like that, it's very clear what we need to do. Women, we need to act like the precious treasure we are, and men you need to treat us like the treasure we are.
Now, before anyone blows up and screams, know that this is a challenge for ALL of us. Guys, I know it's hard to treat your wife like a treasure when all she does is lay around in pajama pants and play with the kids. And ladies, I get it when you work really hard on the house and he leaves a ring on the coffee table and crumbs galore.
This is not a time for women to put on the princess crowns and bark orders. Think about your treasured possessions--grandmother's china or jewelry. It's beautiful, functions well, is handled with love and care, and never goes out of style. It's something that brings joy to the user by just being around.
And men, think about your treasured possession--perhaps a car or boat. You care for it, you repair it, you cover it in adverse weather. The more you invest time and energy into it, the better it performs for you. You take care of the routine maintenance because it's a worthwhile investment. It brings joy to the user by just being around.
But, what if, as an experiment, we all started acting like our marriage (or relationships) were a treasure worth protecting?
Women, admit it, we like to feel desired. And men, you love a challenge of seeking and obtaining a treasure.
How about instead of looking elsewhere for these feelings, why don't we start in the home?
Let's try this for now through Valentine's Day--a seven week commitment. 'Stacular and I certainly have our shares of ups and downs. We don't have it all figured out, and there's always room for improvement in any relationship.
But, what if we all commit to do this together? Instead of New Year's Resolutions, what if we commit to a New Year's Revolution? Who's with me???