On Having Manners and Being Nice

Have we forgotten how to be nice?

In a society which PRAISES others for their ability to deflate egos, is it that hard for people to remember how to be just. . .nice.

Remember when. . .

people said "please" and "thank you" without prompting?

people didn't text or tweet in class, church, or while driving?

men held the doors open for ladies with their hands full?  Or anytime?

people were rewarded for their hard work?

sometimes good enough just wasn't good enough--and that was ok because it taught us to work harder, not feel sorry for that poor soul that didn't get a prize like the winner.

we took care of our neighbors and didn't expect a reward or payback?

What has happened to us?

Home.

I'm looking forward to the very last chapel of this semester at MACU.  The president and I have decided to include a lot of music, and since it will be the last one before the holidays, we'll be using a lot of Christmas music.


I, for one, am a total Christmas-music-holic.


Bring on the sleigh bells, break out the fas and las, and get your jingles on!!!!


Folks--this girl L-O-V-E-S the season!!!!


I have been mulling over my thoughts for the service, which songs to choose. . .themes. . .


For me, Christmas (besides the obvious birth of our Lord and Savior) is about home.  Home, family, traditions.  Those warm and snuggly evenings around the tree, watching great movies like "Rudolph" and "Charlie Brown Christmas."  Seeing the love and cheer on children's faces.  Candlelight services and fabulous music.  Baked goods and cider.


Right now, as I look at the news and all of the awful, terrible, no good, very bad things going on in this community and world, I must constantly remind myself:  THIS IS NOT MY HOME.


My home is with Jesus in Heaven and He, and all of our loved ones who have passed on before us, are waiting for us to meet Him there.  


My home is a place where hurt doesn't live.


My home is a place where tears don't exist (except maybe tears of joy--or maybe our hearts and minds will be so complete that we have enough room for immense joy. . .)


My deepest desire is that you all will be welcomed into my Heavenly Father's home.


I think about the deep, deep longing of the Jewish people as they anxiously awaited their Savior.  Their souls cried out for someone to rescue them.  And now, 2000 years later, our souls are deeply, deeply longing for the return of the very same Savior.


The One who will rescue us, heals us, and take us home.

 Come, thou long expected Jesus, 
 born to set thy people free; 
 from our fears and sins release us, 
 let us find our rest in thee.  
 

 Israel's strength and consolation, 
 hope of all the earth thou art; 
 dear desire of every nation, 
 joy of every longing heart.

        

Cheap VS Undies!

Ok, this is clearly for my lady readers, unless you fellows want to surprise your WIVES (and yes, I meant to say WIVES because if you aren't married you'd better not be buying your honey some undies. . .true love waits).

This blog gives you a link to a good, good, good deal on VS undies.  I received 11 pairs of undies for only $27.00 (retailing for $95.50).  Now, I did combine another coupon in there for a free pair priced at $10.50, but still a very, very good deal.

Just thought I'd pass the info. along. . .

GO PIRATES!!!

Five Favs for Five Folks

I heard this idea on a morning show I listen to while driving to Elizabeth City and thought I would give it a whirl.  The idea is to tag five of your blogging friends with a song and why it reminds you of them.  Hopefully they will tag you back and then add four more of their blogging folks and songs.

Jill:  "Little Miss Can't Be Wrong" by the Spin Doctors (the radio edit--not the original one with the b-word).  I especially love the line about "she holds a shot gun while you dosey-do."  It makes me giggle thinking about Cliff and Megan. . .hahaha.  Personally, I always thought that song was about me, but I'll be happy to share it with you, my love! :)

I also think about you every single time I hear a Celine Dion song and CRACK UP after your dramatic stage entrance that day at church. . . but that's a whole other story.

Rachel:  "Someday We'll Know" by New Radicals and "Atmosphere" by TobyMac.  I know you want to know a lot why life seems to crap on your family more than others, what you're supposed to being doing for the rest of your life, etc.  For whatever reason, it just makes me think of you.  And they are pretty chill songs. . . like you.  

Christacular:  I think of you anytime I hear David Crowder--remember when we decided to be friends again?  And, of course, "Stay" by Lisa Loeb.  Who doesn't think of you when they hear that song???

Charlene:  Oh me girl, where did the years go?  I'm so glad you're somewhat back in my world again--I will always associate "Wide Open Spaces" with our college years.  Remember how we used to ride around in our brown and green cars (very sexy). . .how cool we were with our first apartment with the lizard shower caddy and monkey lamp and our very masculine cat Silas (and how Glen was a deadbeat daddy). . .and dumpster diving for some reeds. . .and the time I shouted a very bad, bad word in the parking lot when the litter box exploded in the middle of the street.  Wow.

Jason:  A 30 year old friendship will stir up quite the memories, but I will always come back to the Pearl Jam "10" CD you put on tape for me (because we were slow in the technology department at Casa Huddleston).  So, all of the original hits like "Alive" bring me back to the good old days of sharing secrets and solving the world's problems one phone call and passed note at a time.

Try it folks!  It's pretty fun!

Growny Little Girls

After my last post, and hearing some of your responses, I felt pretty proud of my disciplinary style.

I felt like, "You know, I may have this mothering thing down pretty well."

Or, "I wonder what would happen if people would spank their kids like me and my friends do."

Ahhh, pride.

And then. . ..I went home to my parents house and had the WORST weekend ever behavior-wise.

Oh. my. goodness.

Molly sassed my father repeatedly (to the point that it hurt his feelings), she had breakdown after breakdown, Lily screamed all night long because she didn't want to be where she was to be sleeping, and just a general bad weekend behavior-wise.

Wow.

So, just because we all think we have a good disciplinary style, doesn't mean it's 100% effective at all times folks.

No, no, no.

And, if you're curious:  Molly received spankings, time outs, a loooooooooong talking to about how one should treat people in general and how not to sass others lest they want their mother to "jerk a knot in you" and "if you EVER do this again . ..well. . . .there just better NOT BE A NEXT TIME" and when you are done thinking about what you have done "you are going to march your little behind into that living room and tell Papa John just how very sorry you are for being mean and hurting his feelings and how you love him very, very much", and we will be cutting out several things that we can see affecting her behavior (including some "childrens" programming in which the adults are the idiots until their children can shine a light on the situation--ummmm NO!)

Lily received some swats and lots of redirection this weekend.

Wow.  What a Saturday.

To Spank or Not To Spank--Opinions?

Today I watched the beginning of "The View"--they sucked me in with their discussion on spanking.

Spanking=swats on the bottom, not the abusive beating kind.

They seemed a little divided on the need to spank:

Parental bullying. Respect for parents. Abusive issues. Use of time outs instead. Effectiveness.

At the Avery house:

We spank.

We do not injure our children.

We do not leave marks on our children.

My children are NOT afraid of their parents.

Chris and I were spanked as children--no lasting issues.

Swats are used for quick reinforcement (i.e. "Lily NO! (swat on hand/bottom) We do not touch the outlets/hot stove/Buster's waterbowl!")

Spanks are usually reserved for more serious offenses (repeated misbehavior, lies, defiance etc)--which usually start with a timeout on bed, discussion of why they are in trouble, spanking, time out until they can come out and say they are sorry, hugs and forgiveness talks.

Are my children perfect? No.

Do we punish them for things that are "childlike?" Depends.

Temper tantrums, dropping/breaking things, leaving toys out in the floor. Each situation is different, and each one has different consequences. If Lily throws a fit because Molly has her toy (or whatever) we usually send her to her room or time out until she can quit fussing. She calms herself down, and comes out when she's better. After doing this for a while, most of the time if I ask her if she needs a time out on her bed she will say, "Yes" and take care of business herself. Does that make the tantrum ok--nope. But we all get angry--and some of us still have tantrums. I'm trying to teach her that anger is normal (even the good Lord got angry!), but we have to handle our anger is a good way. Sometimes the best way is to remove ourselves from the situation in order not to do anything that's destructive (hitting, etc).

There are many, many ways to correct your children, but we reserve the right to spank.

I will say, there are many, many, many children that I encounter in public, church, and school that if they had a good spanking once in a while they would behave so much better! I know parents who don't spank because they don't want to hurt their child's feelings.

Seriously???

Life is going to hurt their feelings. It's just a fact. They are your CHILDREN, not your peers. It's ok for their feelings to be hurt once in a while. My feelings get hurt when my children lie to me. I'm not in denial about it, and I don't want them to be either.

Some parents think that time out is a good alternative. I believe that time out has its place absolutely. But if Molly is lying to me, sometimes I think a time-out gives her more time to think about how to get her story straight. . .but that's just me.

I'm curious about my fellow blogging parents: Do you spank? Why or why not?

yada yada

Thursday.

Rainy/Cloudy.

Slightly chilly.

Slightly gloomy.

Allergies.

Coffee.

1/2 a pop tart (sharing with daugher).

Could probably clean.

Should complete homework assignment.

Should practice guitar.

Looks like sweats and t-shirt sort of day to me. . .

Tuesday

Lily and I have been running around like crazy chicks this morning in our efforts to be productive!!!! WHEW!

After I got Molly dressed and out the door, I quickly completed my homework for ECU and practiced my guitar while waiting for Lily to wake up. We had a quick breakfast and then headed out to get the tires rotated on the Honda, quick stop to Target ($1.00 section is on clearance teacher/mommy/thrifty friends!!!) for a few items, and then to Lowes (or "Yos" as Lily calls it) to pick up some mums for the front porch and paint for the girls' bathroom.

On Saturday Chris and I ripped out all of the dated wallpaper in the girls' bathroom. We got it all down, but it was quite the beast as the lazy contractor didn't paint the walls pre-installation. We had a lot of scarring as a result and Chris has puttied the walls. We'll have to putty, sand, cut out the bubbles, prime the walls with Kilz, and then putty and sand again to get it all smooth.

After that we will paint the walls, paint the fixtures a charcoal color (easy fix folks with a can of textured spray paint!), and then tile the floors. Luckily, we're not in a rush and are going to take it all one step at a time.

Now, I need to make a disclaimer about the paint color for the walls.

I like to think that my taste is very Pottery Barn--nothing wrong with some neutrals like brown, black, and white. Throw in a few accent colors and voila! my favorite color palette.

I also like to think that the guest bath should be rather tasteful and nice for our guests (who are primarily my parents, Rachel & Tytarr, and sometimes family from Delaware--all of which do not qualify as "guests").

I also think that 99% of the time the girls are the ones that use that room.

So, do we appease the guests or the girls?

We voted for the girls.

SO, my girls are going to have their pink bathroom. A very pink pink.

They are only young once, right?

And it IS just paint.

9/11

September 11, 2001

I will never, ever forget.

Thank you to the brave men and women who protect our country--our military, law enforcement, fire and rescue, and the men and women who risk their lives daily so that others may live.

I am deeply humbled by your dedication and love for the American people.

You make me proud.

You make me cry.

We salute you.

Mentors & Encouragement

So, after my post on Tuesday I had the pleasure of speaking to two women who have had different roles in my college experience, but to a certain degree I consider them both mentors.

On Tuesday I drove to ECU for my guitar lesson only to find that Tuesday was actually "Monday" in ECU world due to the Labor Day holiday. Dr. Frank (my guitar instructor) was kind enough to fit me into his schedule, I just needed to wait about 30 minutes or so. I decided to wander through the halls of the School of Music to see if Dr. B, my french horn professor, happened to be in her office--and to my delight she was! She and I chatted about dealing with college students, our good old days at ECU, and just life in general. Dr. B loves her students very much, and will always go the extra mile for them--even when the treat her less than stellar. While talking to her I noticed that she still had a birthday card that another horn major and I had made for her when she turned 40 on her wall! That blew me away--it was just a simple white sheet with comic font. Nothing special at all, but she had kept it all these years!

She reminded me that even the most distinguished professors at the school--those who are asked to teach all over the world, those who perform for thousands of people in major orchestras or choirs--all deal with difficult situations from time to time. It's just part of teaching.

Yesterday I had a scheduled meeting with Ms. B. who is my Teacher of Record at MACU. "The Queen" (as I lovingly refer to her--and to which I think she gets a little kick out of when I call her that in front of the faculty and students) has a special relationship to the school as her parents founded the school many moons ago. She observed me in two classes last week and was doing a follow up as well as fielding my list of questions. She had very nice things to say about my lessons and she was such an encouragement to me. When I told her I had been frustrated about certain situations, she quickly reminded me that I was doing the Lord's work and YES there will be bumps along the road (which I knew, but it's nice to hear The Queen admit to it as well--as she has QUITE the reputation and respect of the alumni).

She also reminded me that I shouldn't be surprised when people act like people instead of acting like Jesus.

Even at a Bible university.

So, so true.

Unfortunate, but true.

Two ladies, lots of experience, encouragement, and wisdom.

I'm very thankful for the two of them.

Anti-discouragement

After a particularly frustrating day at work, coupled with the long schedule I have on Mondays, I awoke last night and this morning in a slight funk.

Yes, Mrs. I Love My Job! is entitled to days of funk every now and then.

We all are.

However, I have spent the night and morning in prayer asking God to just handle it please. I cannot allow myself to wallow in these frustrations because I know it is simply the devil trying to rain on my parade.

So, I'm writing things that are POSITIVE about my job as a reminder to turn my frown upside down:

1. I get the immense opportunity to work with the future leaders in our churches.

2. I got the job that I absolutely, 100% prayed for.

3. I have the wonderful opportunity to be home two additional days during the work week which allows for family time and whatever tasks need to be handled.

4. I really enjoy my students and their personalities.

5. I love being paid to talk about worship music.

6. I love being paid to talk about Jesus.

7. I love working on the collegiate level.

8. I love not dealing with NC Public Schools.

9. I love the ability to work on my masters.

10. I love being able to dance with Lily in the kitchen on a Tuesday morning at 9:15am.

11. I love that I love taking care of ordinary things like cooking and cleaning which I used to HATE doing because it added one more thing to my packed out schedule.

12. I love the feeling of not being incredibly overworked because as a general rule I have time for everything.

13. I love working with talented musicians.

14. I love the craft of worship music.

So, that's a semi list. I could probably spend more time thinking of things, but that's just what came to my head initially.

However, some of you who are super kind and probably curious about my discouragement because you are so awesome and will pray for me, please just continue to pray for my adjustment to college students, their temperaments, and how I can best teach them. It's completely different. Good, but different.

Ok, I'll do it. . .

1. Do you cook every night?
No. I should, and I admit that we are eating at home a LOT more than we used to. With my schedule now keeping me out right until dinner time 2-3 days a week, I find that it's either crock pot, fast food, or easy to create (i.e. boxed meals or leftovers) on MWF. I do try to cook on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and sometimes on weekends.

2. What kind of laundry detergent do you use & why?
I use what's on sale usually, or whatever I have a coupon for. When I don't have a coupon I usually use the Harris Teeter brand or Arm & Hammer.

3. Do you do laundry every day or loads at a time?
It seems like I do laundry every other day. It's gotten a lot easier with a job that allows me to stay home two additional days during the week.

4. How often do you eat out per week?
Usually on Sundays after church with the Collins, then maybe 1-2 additional times during the week.

5. Where do you usually eat out?
Sundays it's usually a pretty nice meal like Moe's, Logans, etc. During the week it's usually McDonald's.

6. What is your favorite retail store?
Target, hands down. However, if our Walmart was as nice as some of the newer ones that are popping up I may tend to shop there. I keep hearing rumors of a Super Target in Greenville, but I haven't heard confirmation of this. . .

7. What’s your favorite thing to drink?
Dr. Pepper when I eat out. Dt. Dew or coffee when I'm at home. I make pretty tasty tea as well.

8. Do you take vitamins? What kind?
Nope. Only when I was pregnant and it did HORRIBLE things to my digestive system. . .

9. What percentage of the household chores to you do?
I would say about 90%. Chris takes the trash out to the road and handles most of the outdoor items like cutting the grass.

10. Do your children do chores? {Or will they, did they, etc}
Molly and Lily are responsible for keeping their room picked up at the end of the day. Molly is in charge of feeding Buster and taking her bathroom trashcan to the kitchen trashcan.

11. Do you go to church?
Yes. Sunday mornings and then small group usually (although it got a little complicated last year with graduate work). This year should be better. Chris and Molly go to Sunday Night Kids as well.

12. Do you have a housework schedule?
Not really. Usually I try to do a general cleaning once a week--usually catching up on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

13. Do you keep a working budget?
Chris handles the finances, it's all in his head.

14. What do you do at night as a family?

Watch tv like the Cosby Show or America's funniest videos, play outside, hang out. Nothing special, but 100% fun.

15. How do you prepare yourself for a new week?
I usually start thinking about all of my obligations on Sunday afternoon and work from there. I keep a calendar on the fridge so I usually check things out. Now I make sure that Molly has ironed uniforms for school (or at least until Tuesday when I do laundry again and have time to iron). I make sure that the kids have clothes to wear, lunch is packed and in the fridge, my clothes are ready for the next morning, and my school items are ready to grab out the door.

16. What do your mornings look like?

If I'm working I'm up at 5:30, shower/dressed, get Buster out, breakfast, wake Molly, get her breakfast, get her dressed, brush teeth and out the door by 6:30, almost 2 hour drive to work (usually passed by listening to Ace & TJ or whatever music I'm working on that day), in the office by 8:30 or so, coffee at work. . . classes.

If I'm not working then I'm up by 6, wake Molly, breakfast/dressed, Chris takes her to school, Lily is awake any time between 6-8-in the meantime I'm drinking coffee/watching TV/computer, usually running laundry or getting a shower if we have errands to run. Lily gets up, breakfast, dressed. She plays in the morning, Sesame Street (at 10 or DVR), then lunch at 11 and nap at 11:30am.

Weekends--no real schedule.

17. What time do you get up in the mornings?
5:30-6 during the week, hopefully 7 or later on weekends.

18. What time do you go to bed at night?
Usually by 10 or 11.

19. How do you manage all of the paperwork that floods into your household? {bills, school work, magazines, ads, etc}
Bills: We have a stack in the kitchen. Chris tends to that stack so sometimes it builds up. . .

Magazines: Usually I keep the last 2-3 issues. I only subscribe to Real Simple, Parents, and Lowe's Creative Ideas. My mom used to send Big Backyard to Molly, but has stopped. I keep them in a basket by the fireplace. When I get a new one I switch the oldest one out.

Coupons/Ads: I clip immediately (Sunday afternoon) and put them either on the counter if I'm not able to put them away or in my coupon envelope (which stays in my purse).

20. How do you keep your household organized? {calendars, charts, etc}
Master calendar on the fridge, work calendar online. I keep a running to-do list just about every day I'm home, as well as reminders that get taped to bags ("Don't forget lunch and cold pack in freezer" etc).

Why is Lily more prone to puke?

Who honestly knows.

I am so blessed to have two darling little girls. They are, as a general rule, pretty healthy and sturdy. They manage through their daddy's and mommy's hectic schedules like champs and rarely show any signs of fatigue.

However, of the two, Lily's stomach is much more sensitive. Sometimes I wonder if she's inherited my champion gag-reflex. My family used to make fun of me for being so picky when it comes to eating, but honestly it's a combination of a sensitive stomach and an overwhelming urge to gag when I eat certain textured foods. It's not a mind over matter thing either--I just can't do it. Period.

Other times I wonder if she's just two and wades through the germs of the church nursery rooms or if Molly brought home some new germs from school.

This age is well known for putting things in their mouths and sharing germs better than they share toys.

Who knows.

But I did not enjoy cleaning up dog vomit (as Buster ALSO has a sensitive tummy apparently) only to hear Lily shrieking first thing this morning because she had also puked in the living room.

Sigh.

I hadn't even had my coffee yet.

I was still slightly bleary-eyed and not quite ready to face the world.

Why on earth do they wait for Chris to leave and THEN start puking?!?!

Motherhood.

So, I have washed a load of bedding, pulled out the sick blanket for the couch, bathed Lily, cleaned the carpets, and is trying to remind Molly that one cannot play rambunctious games with little sister when said sister's tummy is unpredictable. Lily seems to be doing ok right this very minute, but she's feverish and cranky. I'm waiting until a little later to try some crackers.

Happy Labor Day weekend everyone--

Busy Day

Typical Thursday--sort of. . . .

Lily and I are meeting Jordan at church this morning (maybe Daddy will play with her) to talk about the Christmas program. I need to pick up a foot stool for my guitar lessons, and I really may go pick up the book Crazy Love that Jill keeps talking about. Later this afternoon we are going to take a meal to some friends.

I also have a lot of homework to do, as well as grading some tests for my students. Not sure if I'll get through all of them by this afternoon. . .we'll see.

Also, some momentary words from my head and elementary school:

Let us encourage one another.

Let us love one another.

Let us be peacemakers and choose NOT to stir up trouble.

Let us treat others that way we wish to be treated.

Let us be kind and compassionate.

This world is hard enough without having to worry how our fellow believers (which I'm assuming most of my readers--all 5 of you haha--are) feel about us.

Let us build each other up in agape love--and it's something we all must work on.

Pirate Football this weekend folks! ARRRGH!!!!!

Store Up Treasures in Heaven

Such a lovely, lovely song--Burlap to Cashmere.  You should check them out sometime, probably on iTunes since they are no longer on the main scene anymore.

Today is a typical Tuesday--up early to get Molly ready for school, breakfast and Sesame Street for Lily and myself, homework to do, schoolwork to do, housework to do, pick up Molly at 2ish, guitar lesson at 4, and then online meeting tonight from 6-8 for a class.  I am sooooo glad that I do not have to cram a day of work in there, too.  While I feel like my Tuesdays and Thursdays will go by so quickly, I'm so pleased, blessed, and thankful that I have the ability to do it all.  I can be a working/stay at home/graduate student all at the same time--amazing what happens sometimes when you ask God specifically for the desires of your heart--and He says, "Ok, here you go.  Something even BETTER than you imagined." 

There are moments in which I think it would be nicer to work for God's kingdom a tad closer to home, but then I think about my friends like Beth Ann, Jill, or the Joneses who have been asked to turn their lives completely upside down in order to bring Him the glory.  I remind myself very, very quickly that my job is NOT so bad.  However, those moments are simply momentary when I remind myself how incredible my job is.  

Especially on mornings like today.

Yesterday was pretty magical in eastern NC--very fallish! :)  It was overcast and (dare I say it?) chilly!

And, since a few of you have asked me--I am on track with my workouts.  This particular program suggests 2 days on, 1 day off.  Yesterday was my day off after two days of working out.  I also may some healthier choices at the grocery store this week.  We'll see.  I don't care so much about a number, just looking better and more in shape.