To Spank or Not To Spank--Opinions?
Today I watched the beginning of "The View"--they sucked me in with their discussion on spanking.
Spanking=swats on the bottom, not the abusive beating kind.
They seemed a little divided on the need to spank:
Parental bullying. Respect for parents. Abusive issues. Use of time outs instead. Effectiveness.
At the Avery house:
We spank.
We do not injure our children.
We do not leave marks on our children.
My children are NOT afraid of their parents.
Chris and I were spanked as children--no lasting issues.
Swats are used for quick reinforcement (i.e. "Lily NO! (swat on hand/bottom) We do not touch the outlets/hot stove/Buster's waterbowl!")
Spanks are usually reserved for more serious offenses (repeated misbehavior, lies, defiance etc)--which usually start with a timeout on bed, discussion of why they are in trouble, spanking, time out until they can come out and say they are sorry, hugs and forgiveness talks.
Are my children perfect? No.
Do we punish them for things that are "childlike?" Depends.
Temper tantrums, dropping/breaking things, leaving toys out in the floor. Each situation is different, and each one has different consequences. If Lily throws a fit because Molly has her toy (or whatever) we usually send her to her room or time out until she can quit fussing. She calms herself down, and comes out when she's better. After doing this for a while, most of the time if I ask her if she needs a time out on her bed she will say, "Yes" and take care of business herself. Does that make the tantrum ok--nope. But we all get angry--and some of us still have tantrums. I'm trying to teach her that anger is normal (even the good Lord got angry!), but we have to handle our anger is a good way. Sometimes the best way is to remove ourselves from the situation in order not to do anything that's destructive (hitting, etc).
There are many, many ways to correct your children, but we reserve the right to spank.
I will say, there are many, many, many children that I encounter in public, church, and school that if they had a good spanking once in a while they would behave so much better! I know parents who don't spank because they don't want to hurt their child's feelings.
Seriously???
Life is going to hurt their feelings. It's just a fact. They are your CHILDREN, not your peers. It's ok for their feelings to be hurt once in a while. My feelings get hurt when my children lie to me. I'm not in denial about it, and I don't want them to be either.
Some parents think that time out is a good alternative. I believe that time out has its place absolutely. But if Molly is lying to me, sometimes I think a time-out gives her more time to think about how to get her story straight. . .but that's just me.
I'm curious about my fellow blogging parents: Do you spank? Why or why not?
We spank if the need be. Cam responds better to time out, spanking seems to solve the problem in the moment, but not as long term as time out or losing privileges. I try really hard not to spank in anger. The weird thing is, Brandon's spankings get a better result than mine and I know he doesn't hit harder. I think it just hurts Cameron's feelings more if his buddy" spanks him.
ReplyDeleteAmen, sista. I think we are on the same page...almost to the tee.
ReplyDeleteWe spank. We believe it is biblical. I have read a little of "Shepherding a Child's Heart" and the message is very clear. I also teach public school children who could have really used some "hands of discipline!"
ReplyDeleteWe do spank, we reserve it for repeated offenses when time out doesn't have an effect. The only thing we do differently is that we have a small spray bottle of Yuck Mouth for offenses of the mouth. It contains apple cider vinegar, that's it, one little spray. If Victoria spits out of contempt (which was an issue when she was 2-3, or screams very loud because she is not getting her way, she gets it. She learns quickly so we don't have to use it much.
ReplyDeleteI agree w/ the spanking concept. . . as well as using time out. . . I think more parents need to have a good approach to discipline. . .and an understanding of what is discipline vs. abuse. . . Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteI am not a parent (yet) but I was spanked as a child and so was my brother... people always commented that we were so well-behaved and polite. We do not have anger or hostility issues now that we are both adults. I think a lot of people who are against spanking always come up with such odd arguments against it like it'll make your child angry or mean or make your child not trust you anymore. None of this was true in our case. My brother and I turned out great because we weren't allowed to act like brats.
ReplyDeleteAlthough, I will say I don't think it should be the first thing a parent does. My parents always warned us ahead of time, "IF you don't stop you will be spanked." They also sent us to our rooms and removed us from a situation (if we were acting up in a store they just took us home, for instance). They didn't ALWAYS spank.
I think your kids will grow up to be respectful and responsible adults because you spanked them. A lot of people forget that they are not raising a 2 year old or a 5 year old or a 10 year old... they are raising future adults.
Couldn't agree more...This has been our philosophy to a tee.
ReplyDeleteJames Dobson would be so proud...
Thanks Ladies! :)
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