Thursday, September 17, 2009

To Spank or Not To Spank--Opinions?

Today I watched the beginning of "The View"--they sucked me in with their discussion on spanking.

Spanking=swats on the bottom, not the abusive beating kind.

They seemed a little divided on the need to spank:

Parental bullying. Respect for parents. Abusive issues. Use of time outs instead. Effectiveness.

At the Avery house:

We spank.

We do not injure our children.

We do not leave marks on our children.

My children are NOT afraid of their parents.

Chris and I were spanked as children--no lasting issues.

Swats are used for quick reinforcement (i.e. "Lily NO! (swat on hand/bottom) We do not touch the outlets/hot stove/Buster's waterbowl!")

Spanks are usually reserved for more serious offenses (repeated misbehavior, lies, defiance etc)--which usually start with a timeout on bed, discussion of why they are in trouble, spanking, time out until they can come out and say they are sorry, hugs and forgiveness talks.

Are my children perfect? No.

Do we punish them for things that are "childlike?" Depends.

Temper tantrums, dropping/breaking things, leaving toys out in the floor. Each situation is different, and each one has different consequences. If Lily throws a fit because Molly has her toy (or whatever) we usually send her to her room or time out until she can quit fussing. She calms herself down, and comes out when she's better. After doing this for a while, most of the time if I ask her if she needs a time out on her bed she will say, "Yes" and take care of business herself. Does that make the tantrum ok--nope. But we all get angry--and some of us still have tantrums. I'm trying to teach her that anger is normal (even the good Lord got angry!), but we have to handle our anger is a good way. Sometimes the best way is to remove ourselves from the situation in order not to do anything that's destructive (hitting, etc).

There are many, many ways to correct your children, but we reserve the right to spank.

I will say, there are many, many, many children that I encounter in public, church, and school that if they had a good spanking once in a while they would behave so much better! I know parents who don't spank because they don't want to hurt their child's feelings.

Seriously???

Life is going to hurt their feelings. It's just a fact. They are your CHILDREN, not your peers. It's ok for their feelings to be hurt once in a while. My feelings get hurt when my children lie to me. I'm not in denial about it, and I don't want them to be either.

Some parents think that time out is a good alternative. I believe that time out has its place absolutely. But if Molly is lying to me, sometimes I think a time-out gives her more time to think about how to get her story straight. . .but that's just me.

I'm curious about my fellow blogging parents: Do you spank? Why or why not?

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