Saturday in the park. . .

I'm kind of glad it's not the 4th of July.  

Do you want to know why???? Because I went to Lowe's today and saw their HALLOWEEN displays up!  what!!!  what!!!!  

MMMMMM I love me some Halloween. . .and fall. . .and cooler temps. . .and jeans and long-sleeves. . . .and inching closer to CHRISTMAS!!!!

I was telling Rachel and Tyler earlier this week that I can't WAIT for trick-or-treat and all things Christmas.  I just love, love, love that time of year.  I also confessed to putting up my Christmas tree by Veteran's Day each year as well . . .

I love the crispness.  

I love the leaves swirling around in the air.  

Most of all--I love not SWEATING the moment I exit my front door.  Who wants to start their day questioning if their deodorant actually works???  Not this girl. . .

I also think little children in their puffy coats, gloves, and hats are the cutest thing ever as well.  Seriously, it's just the little things in this world that make me so happy!

ECU started up this week, and I've worked partially on my homework assignments.  I don't think the workload will be quite as demanding as other weeks, but I think getting my time managed will be tricky.  Luckily, it looks like my coursework will be due on the days I'm not at MACU, but that means my days "off"  will not really be "off"--but that's ok.  One year to go on my masters and then I'm DONE!  

I returned to my beloved Wii Active tonight after the summer hiatus.  And, I have some motivation--and you ALL must keep me accountable.  Lauren has agreed to take family pictures for us near the end of November/early December and I really, really want to look good for them.  

Important?  Not really.   

A big deal?  No.

Will anyone else besides myself really care?  Probably not. 

Vanity?  Of course.

So, I have a goal, and a realistic "reward."  Of course, Lauren is so good she could probably perform plastic surgery with her photography, but I really, really, really want a good picture of Chris and myself (and with our girls) that is not your typical family photo.  Lauren and I have discussed my vision--and she's so awesome I can't WAIT to see what her camera and good eye capture. 

So, you all must, must, must keep me accountable.  

Ask me if I've worked out. 

Ask me how much weight I've lost (or put back on!)

I really mean it.  

Ask me.    

Long, long week

This past week has been something else.  

Between the funerals for Chris' grandmother on Monday and Ayden Jones on Thursday, I have had quite enough.  

I'm done with funerals for a while thank you very much.  

I'm over it.  

I can no longer sit and question God.  It won't do me any good at all.  I know He has His reasons (even when I foolishly think I've got it all figured out for Him).  This week has caused a lot of questioning and conversations about God and His plans for us.  

I think my favorite line from the book The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe is when the Beaver is referring to Aslan (who is a symbol for God) states:  

"Safe?" said Mr. Beaver."Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the King, I tell you." 

I have learned that trusting God isn't safe--at least according to the rest of the world.  We believe that when someone is safe that we don't have to worry.  If you're safe you don't hurt, because you're. . . safe.  

That doesn't help our case when people ask us if God is so great and good, why he allows such terrible things to happen to us.  

The truth is:  I don't know.  

I'll never know on this side of Heaven.  

So, while God may or may not be safe, we do know He is good.  

He can't be anything BUT good. 

And quite honestly, if anyone knows about the unfairness of this world, Jesus knows.  

So, when we are sad and feeling unsafe, we must must must remind ourselves that He is in control.  

He is good and He is the King.  

I don't want to. . .

I don't want to go to a funeral tomorrow for a 4 month old baby.  

No, no, no.  

There is something completely unnatural and disturbing. 

I cannot imagine the agony Lindsay and Jeremy are going through.  

It makes me want to crawl into bed with my kids and never, ever let go.  

My God is bigger. . .

My God is bigger.  

My God is better. 

My God is in control. 

My God has got this.  

He is eternal.  

He is wise.  

He knows all. 

I don't always understand why things like the death of Lindsay and Jeremy's baby have to happen. 

I know, I know, I know, I know He has His reasons. 

I just don't always understand.  

Hug your babies, love one another, be kind, be compassionate, say you're sorry.  

We are never promised our next breath. 

Life is not about the fame, successes, or money. 

Life is about knowing, loving, serving, and living for God and loving one another. 

That's it, and that's all. 

Many, many prayers on the behalf of the Jones family during this time.  

And thus it begins. . .

Molly's First Day of School

August 25, 2009

 It is so hard to believe that my baby has gone to kindergarten!  We all got up this morning to take her into the building and to her classroom.  Molly was so very excited!  Chris handled it pretty well.  I did ok--in fact, I teared up only because another mommy in the room was tearing up.  But, it was very short-lived, and we said goodbye and that was that.  

Lily and I are enjoying the quiet of the house.  I've had some coffee, worked on some school work, talked to my mom, and worked on some laundry.  It's not too bad being a part-time stay at home mommy.  

I was NOT envious of the teachers who were at school this morning.  It was very surreal just. . . leaving.  :)

I can't wait to pick her up this afternoon and see what she has to say about her first day at school!  We're going to eat tonight at Taco Bell--Molly's choice.  I figured she would say Olive Garden or Chick-fil-a, but nope, she wanted "Taco Bells." 

Happy Tuesday!

and miles to go before I sleep. . .

I think Mr. Frost's phrase may become my new mantra this year--not in a negative way, just accepting the fact that this year is going to be very busy and hopefully productive.  I am anticipating challenges and fatigue, and I'm also anticipating the joy and peace I fervently prayed for almost a year ago.  So, like anything, there will be mountains and valleys.  However, I'm not doom and gloom like I was last year this time.  As all of my teacher friends are vomiting at the idea of going back to work, I'm very at peace and ok with working, because it really just doesn't feel like work to me.  

So, maybe (just maybe) I may turn into one of those people who loves going to work.  

Imagine that?! 

Today is the funeral.  Last night at the visitation was pretty rough on the family for various reasons I won't go into here.  I will say, life is very precious.  Family is very precious.  Relationships are very precious.  

Molly starts school tomorrow and she is finally excited about it.  She can't wait to go tomorrow and I'm so very glad.  We've got her book bag all packed, school supplies purchased (as well as some extras for the class), spare set of clothes in the bag and labeled, and once I pick up groceries today (using the HT Express Lane!  With the funeral today I knew I didn't have time to browse) I can pack her lunch tonight.  She is so, so, so excited and I'm excited for her.  I am sure tomorrow I will cry a little (and I have a sneaking suspicion that Chris will be worse that I am. . .I'll just throw that out there . . .)but I'm also so excited for her!

Happy Monday!

Well. . .

This afternoon/evening Chris and I went over to his parents' house to spend time with his dad.  

We ate and just sort of hung around.  It's always strange because in some ways you feel like you should be talking about the deceased.  In other ways it's easier to talk about everything BUT the deceased.  Chris' dad is handling things well.  I can't imagine losing my parents.  I don't even want to think about it.  

Work is good--I've learned that students are students, no matter what the age.   I'll miss work on Monday to attend the funeral.  That will put me a little behind, but it's ok.  You do what you have to do in these situations. I'm sure my students aren't too upset, either. :)

Molly is feeling better about school.  She actually admitted to being "excited" today.  Wow!

Lily's glasses are cute.  She's so cute and nerdy looking!  It's going to take some getting used to--and it makes me sad that my baby needs glasses.  BUT, on the flip side, she can wear glasses and can see so many things--raindrops on the car windshield, bugs in the air, signs, things far away.  It makes me happy watching her explore the world. 

Tomorrow is church and visitation.  Chris has also scheduled a pre-K kickoff.  I think the girls and I will be missing that.  I can't let them jump around and play on the playground and then jump in the car to greet people at the visitation.  It's really for Lily's age group--she won't know the difference.  Chris is going to try to get some volunteers to clean up so he can leave to be with his family.  He'll pick us up on his way through town.  

ECU is starting up again.  I've gotten my coursework already from a professor.  I'm hoping and praying this semester will be a breeze compared to what I've been through already.  I'm feeling a little overload trying to prepare lessons for my classes.  

Well, I should probably head to bed.  Have a good Sunday everyone!

Soo much to say

But life keeps getting in the way!

I have a lot of things I need to post--almost blog vomit style.  

Like--work, glasses, worship, friends, family, trips....the list goes on and on. 

Chris' grandmother passed away last night after a long battle with cancer.  

Whew.  Life hits again. 

ANSWERED PRAYER!!!!

Molly's first day of school is:

TUESDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A personalized blog for my Tuesdays

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this crap.  

I wish I had a stronger word.    

With every single thing going on, you have more crap piled on top of crap.  

Seriously, there ought to be a cap on the amount of crap one person must deal with in her life.  I don't know why things continually happen to you and/or your family.  But, I do love you dearly and if I had something awesome to say, I totally would just to make it all go away.  

And life just really blows sometimes.  

I don't get it, I don't like it, and I'm over it. 

 I feel so helpless, but I'm not being flippant when I say "please call me."  

It is an honor to get your emails and texts because that means you actually do trust me enough to share a piece of your world with me.  

Because 

I 

do 

care 

a

lot. 

Sometime I wonder if I'm allowing myself to get to caught up, only to be bitterly disappointed in a little while.  

Because, like it or not, this party is going to come to an end at some point.  It would be so much easier to wrap myself in bubble wrap.   Then nothing gets broken.  

But, instead I know that while this life is fleeting, I have the promise of eternal friendships.  

And that, my dear, dear ladies, is what keeps us going, isn't it?

So, when you are in that deep, dark, place please know that there is hope.  

There is comfort. 

There is peace. 

But, I know sometimes you wish it just wasn't your turn anymore, and that someone else could get a helping of your troubles. 

In conclusion:  I will not spout any items from the list.  

Oh that awful, stupid, and dreaded list. 

So, when I say, "hang in there" know that I mean it.  

It will get better. . . .eventually.  

We may just have to see Jesus first.  

Several Friends. . .

Several friends of mine are going through situations one should NEVER have to deal with. 

Life threatening illnesses and diseases.

Babies in hospitals. 

Job loss. 

Come quickly Jesus.  

Mommy Prayer Request

So, sweet Molly is going to school in less than two weeks.  On Tuesday, I called her school and asked if they stagger kindergarten the first few days (they do).  I then asked that because my work requires me to be out of town on MWF if her first day of school could be on Tuesday so I could walk her in and celebrate this milestone with my child.  The office lady said, "Sure."  

So, apparently yesterday, "Sure" is no longer sure. I'm guessing from the message that Rachel (who is keeping my girls 2 days a week now) they are not going to let us request what day our child starts school.  So, there is a possibility that I will not get to take Molly to school on her first day.  

I'm really, really, really upset by this.  

I understand that if EVERY parent requested a certain day, then there would be no way to accommodate every parent.  

I also know from teaching in the system that every parent does NOT request a certain day.  

I also know from teaching in the system that it is not that hard to put a child on Day A verses Day B.  

It upsets me so much to know there is a possibility I won't be there for her on her very first day of school.  I am so teary thinking about it.  And I can't tell Molly that I'm worried, or SHE will get worried (and we all know how anti-school she is these days). 

So, if you will please pray specifically with me that Molly will start school on Tuesday, or that Amanda will be able to work things out so she can walk her in to the building.  

Just that one sentence.  

Thank you very much.  

Horrified.

Ok, this might not be as bad as Beth Ann's offering-ATM post, but this is reaching an all new low. 

Before any of you mommies get on me for being prudish, modest, or un-green, please know that I'm in no way saying that breast feeding is bad or shameful.  I have many, many friends who swear by it, and I'm all for it if it works for you.  I don't even care if you do it in public.  You go, girls.  

However, if this was a masterbation/sexual intercourse/period doll (other "natural" behaviors), would you feel the same way?  

I think this is too extreme.  

I would NOT purchase this for my daughters.  Would you?  

Hello Tuesday

It's Tuesday during the work year and that means. . . I'M AT HOME WITH MY BABIES!!!!  What an incredible blessing to be home two extra days a week.  Now, just because I'm home doesn't mean I'm not at work, I just happen to be working in my "home office."  I have some phone calls/emails/Facebook messages to make, but I can do it from the comfort of my own home.  Love it!  I made sweet rolls this morning (well, partially in celebration of "mommy's new job is a lot better than her old one" and partially because we are somehow out of breakfast food. . .but the kids will never know this.  They just think it's a party!)

Yesterday I went to work and Rachel came to keep my kids for the first time.  She will be watching our girls most Mondays and Fridays this year (unless her school schedule changes, and then we have the flexibility to change ours as well).  It was so wonderful to come home yesterday and have two smiling, happy faces, a happy husband who didn't drive an hour after work to pick up the kids, and a happy mommy who didn't have to return to work the next day.  We also had 2 additional faces--Maria (who was wearing my husband's pants?!?! Don't get any ideas, it was completely innocent.  Buster was overly excited about seeing her and peed on her leg) and Rachel (who had not been killed by my children).  We ate a yummy dinner (thank you Jesus for Mr. Crock Pot Inventor) and got to hang out before they went home.  

My sister in law took great care of my kids, but with Molly going to school this year, it was not feasible driving-wise.  My kids have always had the very best care. 

Well friends, it's a busy day.  I still haven't blogged about our trip, but it's coming. . .soon.  

Have a great day! :)

Two books: the pre-vacation post. . .

This past week while Chris and I were in Tennessee we meandered around Pigeon Forge and some of the outlets.  While we were there we found a Christian book store outlet and I purchased two books on a whim. 

One was Tuesdays with Morrie.  Everyone I know (except for me) has apparently read this book.  Even Chris (who is not an avid reader) said, “Oh yeah, I read that in one night at a friend’s house.”  Really?!  And I have just NOT read this book?  I am not sure why I never jumped on the Tuesdays bandwagon, but I just didn’t.  Recently, I realized that this  Morrie character was diagnosed with ALS.   That knowledge made it a little more important to add this book to my “books I’d like to read relatively soon” list. 

Very good read.  You should read it. 

However, I didn’t feel as “inspired” as I’d hoped.  More reflective of how I can be a better to friend, not just to Jill, but to others I come in contact with.  And how to let others be a good friend to me.   Sometimes that’s very hard for me because I’m ultra-independent. 

 So, I’ll work on it. J

 Second book was Cure for the Common Life by Max Lucado.  This was one very interesting in regards to finding your “fit” in this world.  I’m going to loan it out to a very good friend of mine who is looking for direction.  I think she (and others) would find it very insightful.  Especially those who are completely unsure what in the heck they are supposed to do for the rest of their lives.  This offers at least a start in the right direction.

Chris and I had an excellent vacation.  He and I are riding back now and I’m composing my blog entries from the road.  I hope to load some photos from our vacation in the next blog after I get home. . .

The hills are aliiiiiiiive!

Today is the big day!  Molly and I are going to see "The Sound of Music" in Raleigh at 2pm today.  I'm so excited and so is Molly.  We love, love, love that musical and she is so excited to see it.  I can't wait to enjoy the show with her--but I'm a little nervous about driving into downtown Raleigh--navigating one way streets and finding parking by myself.  I always get so nervous in those parking garages for some reason--will I find a spot?  Will I be able to get in without scraping the top of my car?  Will some psycho grab me (or Molly???) because we know all crazy psychos live in the garages (at least according to a lot of scary movies!)  I know it's silly, but I indeed do get mildly concerned about parking garages. I'm just not used to them at all--everything is flat on the ground here.  Even though it's probably scarier to drive and park in the Wal-mart (where the muggings are free with visit!), I still get a little freaked about it. 

I turned in my exam last night at around 8pm.  It wasn't officially due until midnight (and then our professor said we could turn it in before 9am (because he probably wouldn't check his email until then).  I received his "received notice" in my inbox at 6:58am this morning (so I'm pretty glad that I turned it in last night!) I worked every night this week since it posted, so I'm really hoping that I did well.  Graduate school is different than undergrad.  It requires a lot of discipline to work gradually on projects rather than waiting until the very last minute/day that an assignment is due.  I think it's especially difficult trying to go back to school and work.  I found myself envious of the graduate students in my class this summer (which was face to face while the remainder of this program is offered online) who only go to school.  How nice to have only one thing to do!  I look forward to next year when I have this behind me and can just relax a little once in a while.  

I'm going to work on Tuesday this week to get my office hours in (and eat with friends that night!  whoo hoo!) and then on Wednesday, Chris and I are taking a last minute vacation to Tennessee until Saturday.  I am so looking forward to getting away--I can't remember the last time we went somewhere for any amount of days by ourselves.  Usually it's with the kids or just a night.  I'm not exactly sure what we'll be doing, but I'm sure it will be a good time! :)  Sometimes I feel really guilty for getting away without my girls (and of course I go through all of the "what if something happens to me/kids/house/dog while I'm gone?"s)  However, I know that by showing my girls that Daddy and I have a good relationship--which at times is exclusive of them, I'm showing them what it means to have a good relationship with their future spouses.  I want my girls to marry boys who are going to treat them well, but if I fail to give them any way of seeing this, then whose fault is that?  Certainly I can't trust the media to teach them!  It has to come from the home.  As the girls get older, I want Chris to do things for them that we would like their spouses to do for them (open doors, take heavy bags, get up and allow them a seat, be kind to old people, etc).  Chris does these things for me not because I ask him to, but because he's a nice guy.  I feel that the girls need to get used to being treated well to help them look for boys that will treat them well.  

I know some of you are saying, "What?!?  They are only 2 and 5!  Too young to be thinking about marriage and spouses!!!"  However, I would venture to say that these are their most impressionable years, why shouldn't we model things that are good for our children?  We teach them manners and good behaviors.  We teach them about Jesus--and that's way bigger than finding a spouse!  Kids can't see Jesus, but they can understand.  Certainly they understand a lot more than what we give them credit for--how many times have you been shocked by something your child remember seeing on tv or on the radio?       

AND it's good for Chris and I to remember that we married each other because we loved each other--pre-small people who live with us.  Chris and I still love each other very much, but sometimes I feel like it's more of a tag-team relationship because we're going between work, church, and kids and not time for the two of us.  We do have kind friends and family who take care of the girls for us to have a night out every once in a while, (which is great so please don't stop!!! haha) but we need this time together.  I think it's nice to remember that we are "Chris and Amanda"--not "Molly and Lily's parents."

We've been married for 7 years (can you believe it?!) and it's time for us to celebrate us.