Girl Funk

Ladies--ever been in a I hate my hair. . .clothes. . .legs. . .tummy. . .pores. . .skin. . .behind. . .shoes. . .makeup. . .teeth. . .arms. . .stretch marks. . .wrinkles. . .body mood?  

Oh me.  

Sometimes I get so depressed looking at people (not even stars, like regular people) who make it look effortless--and remembering where I've come from.  I used to be skinny.  I used to have a mark proof body.   People used to say I was cute (not necessarily pretty/breathtaking/lovely--but I usually nailed a "cute" pretty regularly).  I used to have money to spend solely on my beautification regime (and it never took as long as it seems to take now).  I used to have time to paint my toes.  I used to have time to exercise (even though I didn't have to).  I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted without having to worry about bloating or weight gain.  

And then. . .age happened. 

I got married, got on birth control, gained weight and got OFF of hormonally controlled birth control and used other options. . . and got pregnant--gained MORE weight and lots of stretching due to some lovely (insert sarcasm) bloating in my last trimester. . . had baby. . .got depression/PTSD after delivery from hell. . .had to go on more drugs. . .gained more weight.  

When I finally got off of all of those meds, I decided to go ahead and have baby number 2. 

Hmm.  

Weight.  Weight. Weight. 

Loss of skin elasticity.  Loss of ability to wear two piece bathing suit.  Loss of self esteem. 

Somehow along the past 7 years or so, I've lost my me-ness.  I've lost the overwhelming desire to be cute (but not because I don't want to be cute, because who doesn't want to be at least cute???) because I. . .well, I don't really even know why.  

Maybe because if I start dressing my body better I'll look like I'm accepting that I'm no longer a 110 pound girl. 

Maybe people will think I'm working too hard on this "cuteness."

Maybe I won't be able to pull it all off without looking awkward. 

Maybe I'll look too young. . .or too old. . .or too not me (even though, right this minute, I really have no idea what "me" is). 

I don't need the approval of others, I think I really just want approval from myself.  Like, ok, you look nice. . .cute. . put together. 

Here's my other thing.  I've seen those girls who cannot let go of their early twenties and are too OLD to be wearing the things they wear.  Or squeeze into some too tight clothing because they think it's attractive to men.  Ladies--PLEASE stop putting your umm....assets out there all the time.  Men will NOT want to seriously date you if you make it too easy for them to see said assets.  Put the boobs and the butts up PLEASE.  And get them off of your FB, MySpace, or Party ECU pages because 1.  It makes you look immature to have party girl photos up from too many years ago, 2. It really gives the wrong impression, and 3.  It makes you look like a dumb party girl.  No man of substance wants one of those girls.  TAKE THEM DOWN! 

And for goodness sake, spandex will always remain a privilege and never a right.  

I don't want to be one of those girls.  Ever. 

It's so hard sometimes being a stupid, selfish, and vain girl. 

30 Minutes of Simple Blessings. . .

And here's why:

1.  Express Lane at HT saved me an hour this morning.  The girl who brought out my groceries was super, super nice and even spoke to my kids (who were still in their nightgowns!)

2.  Picking up Zaxby's for lunch, and Molly saying, "Oh thanks, Mommy!"

3.  Listening to Taylor Swift as loud as manageable on the radio and all us girls singing along at the top of our lungs.

4.  Watching the Sound of Music with my kids as they picnic in the living room.   

Life is so good sometimes, isn't it?

Random. . .

So, here's the latest at Casa Avery:

I turned in my major project and presentation for Structure & Style on Saturday.  The deadline was originally on Friday at midnight, but the professor emailed us on Friday morning and told us we really had until about 10 am on Saturday to turn things in.  The rest of the class will present their projects this week--which means my work load is pretty much done--except for the final exam which still hasn't been posted.  That will be due on Saturday (I think--maybe even Sunday?) AND THEN I will be done with the theory and analysis portion of this degree program--glory to GOD in the HIGHEST!!! (do you hear the angels singing??!?!)

Lily is still going through her "I'm difficult because I want to be difficult" stage.  Wow.  We have waged many wars this past week over food, following directions, and putting her fingers in her ears when she doesn't want to see/do/touch/hear something.  Sigh. 

Also, her glasses samples should come in this week--we'll pick out our favorites, and then go from there. 

I start going to work this week--but just 1-2 days a week until school starts in t-minus 3 weeks. I'm looking forward to my new job, but a little. . . interested (?) about what it will actually be like.  

Molly's school supplies have been purchased.  She is not thrilled AT ALL about school.  

Having my family down last week was awesome and so good for my soul.  I love my family. :)

I'm going on a major cleaning frenzy this week. For. Real. 

Chris and I are planning a little getaway next week--details to follow. . . 

Molly and I went to Averi's party today--a real Cinderella Ball.  Wow.  It was soooo cute!

I have some pics to post, but not tonight.  I'm a tired girl. 

Family and Fun

Rachel and her cute boyfriend, Josh, are here and it's been super fun hanging out with them.  Yesterday we decided to hit the local mall (not too exciting, but ok) and sort of hang out around the house.  Today everyone went to the beach--minus me, because I have to present my final project this afternoon at 3pm.  It has been a little nice to have some quiet in the house to think and work.  I feel ok about my project, and I will feel even better about it when it's behind me.

Tonight, the other Rachel and her cute boyfriend, Tytarr are coming over to join in the madness I like to call Avery & Lear Extravaganza.  I think we're eating (either steaks or pizza. . .undecided at the moment) and then who knows what.  It really doesn't matter--these are the friends and family that anything goes, and it's quite ok.  It will be a nice change from score analysis to say the least!

Tomorrow we are thinking about taking Rachel and Josh kayaking and then I have no idea after that.  They will return to Delaware on Friday morning and I will have to complete and turn in my next to last paper by midnight.  

Lily is going through a terrible twos stage.  She very much wants things her way (don't we all?!) and throws a fit when she can't get what she wants.  Last night she went crazy because we expected her to eat a bite of her potatoes.  Twiced baked potatoes with cheddar. Nothing serious or yucky!  Hopefully it will pass soon!

Things I Swore I Would Never, Ever Do. . .

But now I'm wondering why in the WORLD I didn't do it sooner!!!

Yesterday (and the day before, and the week before) I worked my behind parts off trying to get my house ready for company AND complete my school work.  It's so exciting to have my cousin and her boyfriend visiting.  My family is so small (only 15 of us), and I only have 2 cousins.  Growing up I really didn't like my cousins because they were so manipulative and terrible--but they've actually grown up to be really awesome and I love getting to spend time with them.  They are staying the whole week and we've planned a lot of fun things to do like kayaking, shopping at South Pointe, and they are going to the beach one day when I have class.  However, that required a major cleaning and overhaul of the house since I'm behind in my weekly routine (and I've been behind since I started working on this degree).  

Anyhow, it's also nearing the end of the semester, meaning finals are here and I have a major project due this week.  I've been trying to work on it off and on for the last week or so to try to give myself time to do it well, but not have to sequester myself so much while they are visiting.  I just had a LOT to do, and very little time.  I guess I also expected my children to freeze and not do what children do (play and make messes) because it seemed like every time I completed one task, three more were waiting for me.  Sigh.  

Well, time ran out and I had not yet bought groceries.  

So, I did what I swore I would never do (unless I had a good reason like a debilitating illness).  

I went to the Harris Teeter Express Lane.  

No, not the one in the store.  

The one online.  

I went on the website with my shopping list, selected and paid for my purchases.  

Paid the $1.95 summer promotional fee (which I actually didn't pay because it was my first purchase). 

I went to class and afterwards drove to Harris Teeter, pushed the button, and voila! my groceries came to my car.  I spent more time driving to the store (which is not that far) then waiting for them to bring them out.  In and out in under 5 minutes. 

Oh my goodness.  What on EARTH have I been missing?!

I believe the fee in the off season is almost $5.00.  I am almost ashamed to say that I'm sure I will do this more in the future, but I can actually think of good reasons to do so (and not laziness). 

1.  My job will require me to be out of town for 3 days a week--a few nights getting home at almost 6pm or later.  I could pre-order, and either a. Chris pick up on his way home from work, or b. I pick up the next morning (I believe you can order about a week in advance) after I take Molly to school and save myself an hour or more on my days off. 

2.  I will not get swayed by the end cap promotional items.  No impulse buying for me!  I'm not one to normally get way off track, but I usually have one item that wasn't on the list. 

3.  I can still use my coupons (the only downside is that they are applied to the next purchase--but you still can participate in the double/triple promotions).  

4.  No crowds, no trying to find the car carts for the kids, no taking the kids out on cold/rainy/hot/thunderstormy days.  The groceries come to your car, and you don't even have to get out (I did, only because I can't allow someone to put them in my car with good conscious--except when I was huge and pregnant and my feet were so huge it hurt to walk, or recently a new again mommy with a 3 year old.)

5.  Is a $5.00 fee worth MY extra time at home with my husband and kids?  Umm, YES!   

So, in short, don't be a snob.  

Try the Express Lane (at least once because it's free) and tell us what you think!

Turn that frown upside down!

Ok, after venting to a few friends last night and the evening before, I have realized a few things:

 

1.  My problems, really, honestly, aren't that huge of a deal in the grand scheme of things.  For example, I have food, shelter, and a healthy family. I'm also employed, and I can even afford to go back to school.  I never skip meals, and I don't have to worry about the cleanliness of my water--I just go to the tap and voila! 

2.  I can always find someone with bigger problems.  And it makes my problems feel very small. 

3.  I can be thankful that I'm in a position to recognize my blessings--even under stress and life issues. 

In regards to my to-do list from earlier: 

I have painted the room.  It took me 3 coats to cover the lime green--but now my girls have a pinkish/purplish (as it really depends on the light) girly room.  Molly is beyond pleased. 

I outlined my paper.  

Lily probably twisted or turned her ankle badly, but she was taking some steps (finally!) this evening on her own.  She still hobbles and ouches sometimes, but at least she's somewhat mobile again.  She spent most of the day reclined in a chair with her foot propped up in the living room.  No phone calls about the glasses . . .maybe next week?

BONUS:  Christacular has completed the shelf!!!!  No more Hello Kitty holding up my cable box (random--but if you've been to my house recently you will know exactly what I'm referring to!!!!)

I also made a pretty yummy frozen fruit pie that required no effort and yummy results!  

To Do

1.  Must complete analysis of William Grant Still's Afro American Symphony

2.  Must write 7-10 page paper about my analysis

3.  Must prepare outline for class about my analysis

4.  Must prepare presentation about my analysis for a 25 minute talk

5.  Must clean entire home because company is coming next week for the whole week. 

6.  Should paint Molly's room since I sort of promised we would (this was before camp and other series of events) 

7.  Must complete class notes for MACU

8.  Must go to MACU at some point to take care of face-to-face concerns

9.  Must find motivation. 

10.  Must ensure that Lily has not broken/sprained/strained her ankle by wrapping in tape and keeping an eye on it this weekend (doctor's orders)

11.  Must pick up Lily because she falls and cries every time she forgets she can't put weight on that foot/ankle.  

12.  Must wait for eye office to call about Lily's prescription (because she's blind as a bat apparently--which may explain her constant falling and eye crossing). 

13.  Must remind myself to breathe. 

Here we go (here we go again).

Worry? Not me! ;)

A few things swimming around in my head.  I wouldn't necessarily call them worries but I would call them some serious concerns.  I really can't expand on them right now, but I am also trying to keep my head clear, but somehow they keep creeping creeping creeping right back in.  

God has proven His faithfulness to me and my family in the past year--you would think I would be completely cool like a cucumber.  Alas, I find myself a little anxious about a few things going on in our home and in others, and I'm not 100% ok with it.  

I know I have been brought to this time and place for a specific reason (I feel very Esther-y).  I know I just need to keep swimming (very Nemo-y) and things always seem to work out.  

It's just the in-between that's a little scary. 

Oh Lauren. . .love IT!

Love, love, love these photos by Lauren!!!!

She's GREAT!  

Grr

In an attempt to make my blog a little cuter, I somehow deleted my entire blog listing of blogs I follow.  If you know that I regularly read and/or comment on your blog and you are not on my list--please let me know!!!!  

I'm so annoyed.

It's dumb, but it's a highlight of my day to keep up with everyone. 

Thank you very much.  

Bragging Rights

While I can't claim the photography as my personal work, I can claim the babies!

Please check out Lauren's work yesterday!  The girls and I had a lot of fun playing in the sunflowers and field while she worked her magic.  

If you are in need of a photographer and want something more individual or creative to meet your needs, I highly suggest giving Lauren a call.  It's so much better than the stuffy photography studios in which you get 800 directions and everyone looks like they have forced smiles and crazy neck issues.  She's so great with kids and subjects, willing to do whatever it takes for getting good photos (may I add that every single time we've had an appointment with her it has rained and/or thunderstormed--and she didn't cancel!)  It's low pressure, and everyone has a good time.  Even my diva, Molly (who has a future in acting or facial expressions), was inviting herself over to play at Lauren's house at the end of the session.  

Seriously, check her website out--I guarantee you will get some excellent photos.    

Thanks again, Lauren! :)

4th of July

For the second year in a row I will be missing the fireworks in my hometown.

Last year I had my tonsils removed and could barely function or talk in complete sentences.  This year, as July 4th occurs on a Saturday, logistically it doesn't make sense to try to go and be back bright and early on Sunday morning (especially since it's finally my month to sing again and we have an early rehearsal).

I'm a little dismayed.  

4th of July is a big holiday for my little family--we always go to the fireworks at the local military base.  It's such a huge, patriotic event that easily outshines the shows in either Greenville or Washington.  It's time when all of the military families (including mine since my grandfather, uncles, and father were all in some branch of service) come together on the HUGE lawn at the base and watch the most incredible fireworks displays ever.  We're talking 30+ solid minutes of fireworks--and not one at a time.  The grand finale is usually at least 10 minutes of lights and explosions.  It takes your very breath away it's so beautiful.  

Before the fireworks, the military band comes to play over an hour of standard patriotic repertoire, a little Sousa and all of the other holiday classics.  They also take the time to play all of the military branch songs while those who serve, or have a family member that serves, stands for the duration of the piece.  

What a feeling to stand with your father as they play and know that your daddy is part of the reason that you have the freedom to speak your mind and go to a church of your choice.

Most importantly, it's a time for those directly affected by military operations all over the world to be told "Thank you so much for putting your lives and your families on the line daily for our freedom."

And how wonderful to stand with thousands of people during the National Anthem and not one, single, person moves or talks.  Not one.  And certainly no one yells "Play ball!" or any other idiotic phrase at the conclusion of the piece.  Children are not running around, hats are not on heads, and teens are not slouching or texting.  No no no. 

Wow.  

I love my country.  

I love our military.  

I am fiercely patriotic. 

Thank you, thank you, thank you for all you have, and will continue to do, for the United States of America.