Pardon me, but your Caucasian is showing. . .

Molly:  Hey Dad, are you going to with us to see the Milburns?

Chris:  No, I've got to go to work today at the church.

Molly:  That's too bad.  I know you're going to miss seeing your homeman, Troy.

Chris:  My "homeman?" (long pause for composure purposes)  Is this a reference to the fact that Troy is my "homeboy" but because he's not young, he's a "homeMAN?"

Molly (looking like she feels rather clever):  Yeah!

(another pause)

Chris:  I don't think I've ever used the word "homeboy" in my life.

Amanda:  Her Caucasian is hanging out again today, isn't it?

Happy Birthday Ayden!

Happy Birthday to a very special little boy!  

We love you Ayden!

Let Life Resume as Normal

In a lot of ways I feel like this is the calm before the storm.

These weeks of waiting, ticking through days and life, the day in and day out routine.

I don't have to look very far to see people in the midst of waiting--a friend with a promotion to the top of the company, friends expecting babies, friends waiting to hear about a new job, friends waiting on their wedding and life together, friends waiting out chemo treatments and waiting more for results, friends waiting for a move, friends waiting on the next big thing.

At the Avery house we have some things we are waiting on as well.  Nothing quite as exciting as new babies or promotions, and certainly nothing as scary as cancer.

Those little things can be just as mentally taxing if we let them be.

I find that when I have a lot on my mind and a lot on my heart I tend to wallow in it a little.

And it is not very attractive.

I examine it.  I think about it.  I obsess over the details.  I try to figure out what's going to happen.  I research.  I dream about it.  I worry.  I try to look at it from every angle.  I think about how it's going to affect me.  I think about how it's going to affect my family.  I think about how it's going to affect others.  I think about how it's going to affect my lifestyle.  I think about how it's going to affect my schedule, my routine, my world.

I turn myself completely inside out, and then realize it was a lot of stress and mud over nothing.

Because que sera, sera, whatever will be, will be. 

And when I recognize that I have absolutely no control over what happens in my life, I tend to unclench and realize that I am wasting valuable time.  

I'm wasting the minutes in my life, minutes I'll never get back, minutes that could have been used more wisely.  

There are certainly no rollover minutes in this game of life.  And I would hate to look back and determine how many minutes I have spent playing the "what if?" game with myself.  

So, I say to all of my friends currently playing the waiting game:  Go about your business, try not to fret, deal with things as they come along, and try to enjoy this time.

^{Matthew 6:34 (The Message):}  Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.    

For a wonderful post on the time in between, check out Caroline's words!  You will not be disappointed! 

I Lerve this Blog.

If you are unfamiliar with this blog, please, please, please check it out.

Emily has such an incredible way with words.  I believe she is my favorite blogger--her word imagery, her artist's heart, and her transparency are a breath of fresh air in the blogosphere.

I am never jealous of her words.  I never feel like she's trying to compete with the rest of us.  I never feel like I'm failing miserably.

All too often I run across those "we're perfect and happy" mommy blogs and I want to vomit after reading them OR I want to dash to Target and pick up matchy matchy outfits so my kids won't be the only ones with their nightgowns still on and rumpled hair and crumbs on their faces at 4:45pm.

Emily takes life and presents it in a real way that I can relate to. Her's artist's view on things fills certain places of my heart.  I appreciate her words.

Which blogs do you enjoy reading on a regular basis?

The Gift of Written Word

I picked it up last August for a whole $0.25.  A pink, wide-ruled, marbled composition book at Target.  It was cute, it was functional, and it was cheap.

If I didn't see the project through, then I wouldn't be out more than a quarter.  I could probably find that quarter sometime and call it even.

But I chose to write.  And write.  And write.  And write.

This marbled composition book has brought me through wonderful moments of peace and clarity.  A clipping from Southern Living, funny moment from my kids, random thoughts (anyone else love the sound of crinkled notebook paper that has been written on both sides?  Anyone else get a weird sense of satisfaction at all?  Anyone???) 

It also saw me through some deep, deep moments.  Moments of sadness, moments of resolution, moments of confusion.  I have words that will only be shared between the Lord and myself.  Too private to share with people, too private to share here.

I don't have the gift of words like some people.  I write from the heart--it's matter of fact, honest, and off the cuff.  I rarely use large vocabulary words, and I tend to put my important statements in the middle.

Because if you're a skimmer like me, your eyes are drawn to changes in the text. 

I never plan for what leaps from my heart onto the paper (or on the keys when I share my thoughts here).  It just comes in a wave, I flush it out, and I move on.

I had a similar period of writing from the end of my junior year into my senior year of college.  A year of trying to determine who I really was and who I wanted to be in this Great Big Wonderful World.  My notebook was slightly fancier, you could probably even call it a journal as it had recycled pages that weren't ironed smooth at a factory.  It was beautiful with a ribbon tie.

There are many times I go through my belongings as a way to purge, but I will never part with these.  These books are evidence of growth, change, and life.  I see things in myself that I would never notice in the day in, day outness of life.

37.  Written word

38.  Personal growth

These are some of my gifts, what are yours?

Homeschool or Public School?

Come visit my post today at 31 Rubies for a discussion on the different ways to educate your children.  There are several posts this week in regards to homeschooling and today I take my turn as a non-homeschooling parent.  Head on over and check it out! 

7 Rules for the Future Professional Person by Mama A.

Hello Dear and Wonderful Students!

Can you believe it's already April???  In just a mere month from today many of you will be graduating into the big wide world--ready to be a real deal grownup and ready to take on employment and bills and healthcare and rent/mortgage and car payments and food and fun and all of those wonderful things grownups have the opportunity to do!

Your parents are probably doing cartwheels as well speak.  They know (financial) freedom issss hheeerrrrrreeeeee!!!!!

Many of you have purchased interview clothes, polished your resumes, and have made several contacts in regards to future employment opportunities.  A few of you already know where you are headed, and others are waiting for that phone call.

Some of you have asked your professors to serve as a reference.

And this is where it gets sticky.  Sometimes, this is not a great idea.

Want to know why, sweet and lovelies?  Because some of you make it hard for us to refer you to an employer.  Honestly, we all want to help you find a job.  We all want you to make it out there in the big world.

But sometimes we have to find creative ways to talk about your individual quirks. 

We don't want to lie, but you don't want us to tell the plain truth. 

So, here are a few tips current (and future) graduates on how to make it easier for Mama A and her pals to happily refer you to Mr. Boss Man.  Or maybe Mrs. Boss Lady.

1.  Stop being a jerk.  This is rule numero uno.  If you are constantly mouthing off and speaking poorly about your workload, your courses, your professors, your peers, your school experience, or your life in general you make it very hard for us to talk about your attitude and team player-ness ability.  All we see is your willingness to complain.  And trust me, a boss will quickly fire a complainer.  Complainers make their bosses MISERABLE and they don't want them in their environment infecting other workers.

2.  Work hard(er).  If you have to be spoon fed on every assignment or responsibility--or if you're just plain old lazy, it makes it very hard for us to discuss your work ethic in a positive light.  And don't give us this excuse about your assignments or responsibility being a waste of time.  Trust me, there will always be things you consider to be a waste of time in any situation.  That's just life.

Employers want someone who is self-motivated and can do things on their own.  No one wants to create a to-do list for their employees everyday.  They hired you to do the job and to create less stress for them.

3.  It's time to stop staying up all hours of the night going to Sonic or Wal-mart or playing X-box or whatever it is you do until the wee hours of the morning.  When you do this you walk around like zombies the next day.  Nothing is more frustrating than a student who fails to do anything on time because they are sleep deprived.  You need to take care of yourself.  Just because you CAN stay up all hours of the night doesn't mean you SHOULD.  This will never fly in the real world.

4.  TAKE A BATH AND BRUSH YOUR TEETH AND STOP WEARING SWEATS OUT IN PUBLIC.  Oh my goodness.  I'm tired of you smelling like you just rolled out of bed.  It's a stale aroma and coupled with your morning/afternoon breath it's a killer combination.  Please take care of yourself.  You NEVER know when you are going to run into a future employer and you would be so embarrassed to have crazy hair and rumply clothes.

Because crazy hair and rumpled clothes look sooooo professional.

Good hygiene, everyday.

5.  It is not all about you.  When you get hired you are going to be at the bottom of the food chain.  You might be Mr. or Miss Sassy Britches on campus right now, but when you go out to the real world, there are always going to be people who are more experienced, better paid, and better at your job.  Go ahead and recognize that you need to find your place in line and work your way up like everyone else.  Stop thinking you are entitled to something better because you are your mommy's/daddy's precious angel.

Everyone in this world is someone's precious angel.

6.  Take a good long look in the mirror.  You need to be able to clearly define your strengths and weaknesses.  We all have both--those qualities make us unique individuals.  Be completely honest with yourself--what are three things you love and three things you need to improve on in your life?

Ask a trusted friend (but not a friend that's going to tell you what you want to hear)--or better yet, ask your enemy  someone you aren't super close with about your strengths and weaknesses.

Understand that this will be very hard to hear.  And if you aren't ready to hear it from a peer, you aren't going to be ready to have a performance evaluation from your boss.  No one wants to hear criticism.  Trust me, we all hate to hear about the negative things we are doing.  But, like it or not, evaluations are part of the employment process.

7.  If you want to be treated like an adult, then you need to start acting like an adult.  This doesn't mean giving up all of your fun activities and wearing a shirt and tie all day long.  But it does mean recognizing that there are specific times for both (and sometimes the two can cross).  If you work at a good place, work will be challenging and engaging and even fun once in a while.  

Constantly playing Angry Birds, sleeping, texting, or chatting on FB when you should be listening in class is not the way to start.  Think to yourself, if my professor or boss saw me doing this would I be embarrassed?  If the answer is yes, then maybe you need to rethink your behavior.

I am so excited for my graduating students!  I know you are going to go on and do bigger and better things for this world.  Buckle down these last few weeks and think about how much has changed in the last 4 (5, 6, or more) years of college.  Be very purposeful in these last few weeks and be selfish with your time.  These last few weeks can make or break you.  You can do it!

See you at graduation with your caps and dresses gowns on!

Love and smooches,

Mama A.

When Silence isn't Silent.

Today I have the luxury of a morning to myself.

Molly's at school, Lily's at the beach for the week (lucky!), and Chris is at work.

Buster Ray is dutifully snoozing a few feet from me.

#32:  The windows are open.

#33:  It's a slightly muggy but coolish Carolina morning.

#34:  The only sounds I hear are the breeze, the birds, and the hum of my fridge.

#35:  I have time to read, journal, sip coffee, and blog.

My heart and head are full this morning with many things.

#36:  And I have the time to consider them all.

It might not be Monday anymore, but I can still count my gifts.  Are you counting yours? 

Perspective.

In a few hours, my family and I are headed over to Alice F. Keene Park for the ALS Walk.  This is the walk I've been dreading since I became friendly with Jill years ago.  I knew that one day we would walk in memory of her and it makes me sick to my stomach with grief.  


I've known this weekend was coming for a while now.  I've seen the slides at church with the photo of Jill and her daughter, smiling (alive), from a previous walk.  I've heard people talking more and more about her.  I've read all the gut wrenching entries from Jill's last week of life on her daughter's blog.  


I also made the mistake of stumbling across some older Crowder CDs and played them without realizing that I would be face to face with music from her funeral.  

That was a major mascara running moment on my way to work last week.  

I think a lot of us try to make sense of these situations.  If we can justify why something happened in our minds, then we can try to understand why this happened.  Even if they are flimsy reasons, our human brains can at least start to process what happened, why it happened, and why we should be ok with it. 

For the record, I don't think I'll ever be "ok with it."  

But, I've spent a lot of time this week during my commute thinking of my life and how much it's changed since she's been gone.  I think in a lot of ways my time at MACU is marked by my friendship with Jill.  Jill was one of the first few people who knew I was applying.  Jill prayed with me about making the decision.  Jill was the example for me when I was feeling selfish about a 2 hour commute.  Jill was one of the first (non-relative) people I called when I finally heard the news that I was asked to work at MACU.  

Jill was the one who constantly challenged me to be better.  She was the one who cheered me on.  She was the one I went to for prayers, for advice, for support.  She was my mentor in addition to being my friend.  I am eternally thankful that she was there when I was going through the madness of deciding to leave public schools and taking on the position at MACU.

She was such a companion to me.  Such a confidant.  Such a friend.  

And then, at the beginning of this school year, she passed away.  And I went to the DCB conference more broken that I have ever been in my entire life.  And then the incident on campus happened.  I hobbled through the rest of the semester trying to make sense of everything that had happened.  

I didn't have that one person to turn to.  I didn't have Jill.  I didn't have her support, I didn't have her advice, I didn't have her hugs and prayers, or words of peace.    

So, I clung tighter to my faith.  I felt and lived the words in Psalms.  I poured my heart out in my journal and here on my blog.  I had the love of my family and a few select friends who walked with me, but for the most part this was an inward battle that I needed to fight alone. 

I wrestled with this grief--occasionally it won, and occasionally I knocked it down for a while.  

But this week, I gained new perspective into His divine timing.  I was driving, listening to "The Glory of It All" and recognized my struggles in the words of the song.  This song was the one selected to play at the beginning of Jill's funeral service.  I remember standing on the stage, barely holding any sort of composure or control, when I heard the words, 

Everything will change

Things will never be the same

We will never be the same

I remember standing on the church stage thinking:  this is my world.  Everything would change.  

And it has.  

But this week, for the first time in a very long time, I paid attention to the rest of the words of the song and let them sink in. 

After all falls apart
He repairs, 

He repairs

And somehow, God revealed to me that this was one of the reasons I was called to MACU.  It was for my healing.  It was for me.  I needed time and space to cling to Him.  I needed an environment that encouraged personal growth.  I needed to be around a community of believers who would call me to be a better person.  I needed the healing of seeing His words revealed in our lives--through my colleagues, through the students, through the alumni.  He knew I would need this time and space to heal.  He knew I would be angry and lonely.  He knew I needed this daily reinforcement and encouragement.  

It was a startling change of perspective. 

And all this time I thought it was about me plugging a hole at the institution.  

But it was a gift.  For me.  

And I am forever thankful.  

Predicament.

Predicament is a great word.

Pre-dic-a-ment.  

It feels good rolling off your tongue.

Perhaps instead of stressing over my predicaments I will focus on how fun it is to say the word 'predicament.'


Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming swimming swimming. . .

Mama A Says: Don't Be That Girl (And Rules of Nature)

Helloooooo my little darlings of wonderful!  Mama A here again (after a long hiatus) ready to fill your minds with advice on love and life and general how-to-do-edness.

Spring is coming!  The birds are singing, the weather is warmer, everyone is getting a little color to their pale as corpses legs, and summer is promising us that it's right around the corner.

And love, sweet love, is in the air.  

However, Mama A's got a bone to pick with a few dozen of you.  And boys, you are let off the hook temporarily with this post--but I think you may benefit from reading this post and if you find yourself acting like the boys I'm referring to, you best be correcting your misbehavior ASAP before one of these sweet posts is written about you!

Now ladies, I'm tired of seeing you be "that girl."  "That girl" is the most annoying creature known to mankind and I hate it for you that you've caught the "that girl" disease.  It's like walking around with your undergarments hanging out.  Everyone's laughing but no one's got the nerve to tell you.

Let it be known that Mama A is not going to let you hang high and dry, so consider this post your warning before I lower the boom on ya.  Next time I'm just going to come out with a "_________!  Don't be THAT GIRL!" in public.

You have been sufficiently warned.  

Please read on and see if you fit into any of these categories of That Girledness.  Perhaps you have a friend, sister, or loved one who NEEDS to read this post.

Perhaps you could tag them on FB (that was a joke--not cool, not cool).

How to be That Girl:  by Mama A, age 31

1.  Suddenly become overly loud when giggling at boy's every last word.  You sound like a hyena.  For the love of all things fluffy, stop it.  

2.  If he pays more attention in class to the teacher instead of sneaking quick glances at you every 1.3 seconds and you get jealous of the teacher (male or female).  

3.  If you find yourself casually waiting for him after every class because you might have a chance to "run into him" and then begin monopolizing his every move on his way to his next class. 

4.  If you get all crazy acting on his female friends.

or, even worse

5.  You find yourself being buddy buddy with his female friends to ensure that they haven't decided to fall in love with this heavenly specimen of a man.  CRAZY ALERT!!!  CRAZY ALERT!!!

6.  You make up damsel in distress situations in order to have a reason to call him to come and rescue you.  "I can't start my computer!"  "I've lost my homework assignments."  "I can't re-string or play my guitar."  "I'm out of feminine supplies!" (Ok, maybe not the last one. . . but some girls are straight up crazy.)

7.  If you are completely lost like an abandoned puppy when he's not around.  Nothing's worse than a mopey girl standing in the middle of the cafeteria with a lunch tray and no one to sit with.  

8.  If you change completely when he's around and have to be careful not to let your old friends spill the beans to him.  Too complicated to keep your story straight, isn't it?  

9.  If that boy tells you he doesn't like you, and then proceeds to call you and say he's changed his mind and YOU GO BACK TO HIM EVERY SINGLE TIME ONLY TO GET HURT AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN you are That Girl.  Is it that hard to figure out he's playing you?!?!?!?

10.  If you can't stand on your own two feet without the support of a man person.  You are That Girl.  

Ladies, I know loving someone is fun and wonderful.  And every lady (even Mama A) will admit to having a That Girl moment every now and then.  

But, watching you make the same mistakes over and over breaks Mama A's heart.  You are too cute, too smart, and too awesome for these guys that prey on girls like you. There are guys that only want you because you want them, and the second they have you they are going to drop you like a hot potato.  

Be an independent woman and wait for someone who is worth your time and energy.  

It's the rules of nature--the lion chasing the gazelles.  Once the lion chases, gets, and eats the gazelle, he's going to walk away.  No one likes a dead, rotting gazelle except the scavenger boys.  And those boys are EVEN WORSE!!!! Whew, that's a post for another day. . . 

My advice to you?  

Be a lioness instead of a gazelle.  No one eats a lioness.  

Love and smooches, 

Mama A