Saturday, April 2, 2011

Mama A Says: Don't Be That Girl (And Rules of Nature)

Helloooooo my little darlings of wonderful!  Mama A here again (after a long hiatus) ready to fill your minds with advice on love and life and general how-to-do-edness.

Spring is coming!  The birds are singing, the weather is warmer, everyone is getting a little color to their pale as corpses legs, and summer is promising us that it's right around the corner.

And love, sweet love, is in the air.  

However, Mama A's got a bone to pick with a few dozen of you.  And boys, you are let off the hook temporarily with this post--but I think you may benefit from reading this post and if you find yourself acting like the boys I'm referring to, you best be correcting your misbehavior ASAP before one of these sweet posts is written about you!

Now ladies, I'm tired of seeing you be "that girl."  "That girl" is the most annoying creature known to mankind and I hate it for you that you've caught the "that girl" disease.  It's like walking around with your undergarments hanging out.  Everyone's laughing but no one's got the nerve to tell you.

Let it be known that Mama A is not going to let you hang high and dry, so consider this post your warning before I lower the boom on ya.  Next time I'm just going to come out with a "_________!  Don't be THAT GIRL!" in public.

You have been sufficiently warned.  

Please read on and see if you fit into any of these categories of That Girledness.  Perhaps you have a friend, sister, or loved one who NEEDS to read this post.

Perhaps you could tag them on FB (that was a joke--not cool, not cool).

How to be That Girl:  by Mama A, age 31

1.  Suddenly become overly loud when giggling at boy's every last word.  You sound like a hyena.  For the love of all things fluffy, stop it.  

2.  If he pays more attention in class to the teacher instead of sneaking quick glances at you every 1.3 seconds and you get jealous of the teacher (male or female).  

3.  If you find yourself casually waiting for him after every class because you might have a chance to "run into him" and then begin monopolizing his every move on his way to his next class. 

4.  If you get all crazy acting on his female friends.

or, even worse

5.  You find yourself being buddy buddy with his female friends to ensure that they haven't decided to fall in love with this heavenly specimen of a man.  CRAZY ALERT!!!  CRAZY ALERT!!!

6.  You make up damsel in distress situations in order to have a reason to call him to come and rescue you.  "I can't start my computer!"  "I've lost my homework assignments."  "I can't re-string or play my guitar."  "I'm out of feminine supplies!" (Ok, maybe not the last one. . . but some girls are straight up crazy.)

7.  If you are completely lost like an abandoned puppy when he's not around.  Nothing's worse than a mopey girl standing in the middle of the cafeteria with a lunch tray and no one to sit with.  

8.  If you change completely when he's around and have to be careful not to let your old friends spill the beans to him.  Too complicated to keep your story straight, isn't it?  

9.  If that boy tells you he doesn't like you, and then proceeds to call you and say he's changed his mind and YOU GO BACK TO HIM EVERY SINGLE TIME ONLY TO GET HURT AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN you are That Girl.  Is it that hard to figure out he's playing you?!?!?!?

10.  If you can't stand on your own two feet without the support of a man person.  You are That Girl.  

Ladies, I know loving someone is fun and wonderful.  And every lady (even Mama A) will admit to having a That Girl moment every now and then.  

But, watching you make the same mistakes over and over breaks Mama A's heart.  You are too cute, too smart, and too awesome for these guys that prey on girls like you. There are guys that only want you because you want them, and the second they have you they are going to drop you like a hot potato.  

Be an independent woman and wait for someone who is worth your time and energy.  

It's the rules of nature--the lion chasing the gazelles.  Once the lion chases, gets, and eats the gazelle, he's going to walk away.  No one likes a dead, rotting gazelle except the scavenger boys.  And those boys are EVEN WORSE!!!! Whew, that's a post for another day. . . 

My advice to you?  

Be a lioness instead of a gazelle.  No one eats a lioness.  

Love and smooches, 
Mama A


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