Monday, September 4, 2017

Mind Shift (Part II)

Later on in the afternoon, I told my husband I had been feeling angry about having to cart my daughter around everywhere.  I admit that part of it was my fault because I could have taken care of the physical earlier, but she needed to shoulder some of the responsibility for other things.  And it didn't help that earlier in the week I had asked the girls to do several things, had to make several reminders, and a lot of double-checking during the hustle and bustle.  It just all came together on Saturday afternoon and it was not good.

I don't want to be the kind of person who gets her undies in a bunch when things don't go as planned. I don't want to be angry with my kids when things get crazy on a Saturday.  I want to be able to roll with life when it comes.  It's funny because these things are why I actually plan and try to get ahead each day so there is space and margin for extra and fun thrown in the mix.  

I just also really like having my space and margin and I really don't want to share it. 

And I want to be able to admit out loud that I have feelings, too.  Unfortunately, it also makes feels like I'm a bad person.  Often those rational and crazy thoughts in our heads feel right until you have to say them out loud.  

I want to shoulder a lot of the responsibility in my house--not because I actually want to do all of the things required to make life happen, but because I try to make things better for my people.  Planning removes a lot of the last-second panic, and most people do not function well under panic.  I view planning as a gift of peace and order for those I love.  This is one of my major modes of operation in most of my relationships, jobs, and things I value.  

The problem with this arises when I feel like I have to carry more of the load and people start piling other things on and it becomes too much.  Sometimes this is a result of me taking on too much responsibility, and sometimes it's not.  But when I start feeling like I'm overwhelmed, disrespected, and under appreciated I need to stop, step back, and assess the situation rather than blowing up, shutting down, and destroying all of my exercise efforts with a carb extravaganza.    

I'm sure that there is a real term for this, and you psychology people feel free to help a sister out, but I think most people have major modes of operation that go beyond a simple personality test or type.  For example, a friend of mine has a quick temper, but a deeply-rooted sense of justice.  The majority of her explosions result from feeling like she (or someone in her life) has been mistreated and she is coming to the rescue. It may not always feel like it's the best way to react, but it does come from a good and true place inside of her.  

Being able to recognize peoples' modes of operation has given me insight and has contributed to a mind shift that has helped me give more grace when dealing with difficult people and crazy situations and life.  These modes are often good and important things like protection, justice, rescue, and assistance because I also find that most people want to be good.  One of the reasons gangs are so successful is because they fill in the gaps of peoples' modes.  Children at school often make crazy behavior choices because someone has threatened their modes of operation.  This is a big reason why children often crave order and routine because it often translates as protection and rescue.  

Think about your life and the things that make you feel out of control and crazy.  
Is there a persistent theme or connection?  


to be continued. . . 

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