Sunday, October 5, 2014

31 Days with Mama A: Completely Incomplete. (Day 5)

Hello my darlings and welcome to another installment of 31 Days with Mama A. 



I hope you took time to rest today and were able to soak up this glorious autumn weather.  Shall we all take a moment of silence for the return of scarves, long sleeves, and boots?  Good-bye flesh revealing summer clothes that gave errbody chub-rub and sweaty arm pit stains.   

And, bless it, all the skankety skank skank clothing will need to be put away.  

Today we're going to talk about putting all your chips and cards on the table for one of the most important decisions most of you are going to make at some point in your lifetime.  This decision will chart your path and will make a lot of decisions for you.  If you are a man or woman of Faith (or even a man or woman of your word) when you agree to this, then you agree to stick with this decision for life.  

When you stand up in front of all of your friends and family and say "yes, I do" to that person standing next to you, sometimes you might even end up with someone like this:  

If this doesn't make you laugh, we just shouldn't be friends. 

Stand back ladies.  He's all mine.  

How Christacular and I came to be is a very funny story for another time, but he wasn't the first person I ever considered as a potential husband.  I tended to be a serious dater in my single years (oh the irony).  I was a committed girlfriend and I believed that every relationship was worth protecting until it was officially over.  

However, it wasn't until I was an old married woman before I understood that all of those romantic notions of "you complete me" and the like were all a bunch of beans.  Don't misunderstand me on this--while I do love my lerve, and our life is full of wonderful moments and memories--he's not the reason I choose to wake up and exist each and every day.  

Because I don't live my life to complete him.  

I live my life to compliment him. 

My spouse is a really good guy.  He's smarty and witty, but a complete mushcake on the inside.  But as great as he is, he's not perfect (and neither am I).  He and I are a great team--we are complete opposites in so many ways.  He loves social events and I'd rather stay in my corner and not have to speak to people I don't know.  I like things nice and orderly and he likes to have everything out so he can keep his eyes on all of it at the same time.  He likes math and science, and I love reading and writing.  He loves the outdoors and I like looking at it from the safety of my air conditioned windows.  I'm a morning person and he's a night owl.  

These opposites can sometimes be frustrating, but we've learned to take it in stride (and we usually laugh about it), but these opposite traits keep us from competing against each other.  For example, I don't want or need to outsmart my husband in regards to the maths--it's not even a competition.  He's going to win every single time.  These opposites allow us to take assistance from the other person without hurting our feelings and pride.  

And when the two of us put our heads, hearts, and prayers together--we are unstoppable. 



I see so many young whippersnappers eager to find "the one" with high hopes of love, marriage, and a baby carriage.  They are in love with each other, they are in love with the idea of each other, and they are in love with the idea of what their love for each other will one day become.  It's all unicorns and rainbows and glitter until one of them decides it's not for them any more. 

And leaves the other person all alone on the street corner with a bunch of deflated balloons.  

And then it begins. 

The sad status updates.  The texts and phone calls to the friends.  They stalk the person on all social media sites and sometimes their homes.  They go on and on and on about their confusion, their hurt, and all of tears they've cried.  They wear sweatpants in public and cease to look presentable.  They walk around with a destroyed look on their faces hoping that someone will notice their pain (of course, the person that they want most to notice them is not), and then they can rehash the whole situation.  They post sad photos and lyrics to sad songs.  They post a lot of photos of their pets.  They make themselves physically, mentally, and spiritually ill over their breakup. 

Ok, this wasn't about a breakup.  Dobby died.  
Whew. 

And it's because they threw all of their eggs (and the chickens and the coop) into that relationship basket.  In their minds they were important only because someone told them that they were important.  And now that they don't have that special someone, they no longer feel worthy.  And it makes me want to shake the tarnation out of them!  

Because the thing is sweet potatoes, you're important just because you are you.  You the individual. You the unique.  You the no-one-else-is-ever-gonna-be-you, you.  You're important because you have been fearfully and wonderfully made.  You are important because you existed before this relationship, and you are going to continue to exist if (and when) it ends.  

You do not exist to complete another person--and another person was not created to complete you.      

My loves, it hurts me to see us get all tangled up in human relationships and how they can take control over us.  And it hurts me how Evil whispers into our ears and hearts that rejection of the relationship equals rejection of our self-worth.  It's simply not true, and it's time for us to start believing the Truth.    

Chin up, sweet things.  Everything's gonna be alright.  

Love and smooches, 
Mama A. 
xoxxo

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