2019: Show up.

If The Holiday is on, I'm going to stop what I'm doing and watch it.  I've loved it for years--the soundtrack, the actors, the dreamy, snowy English cottage.  One of my favorite lines from the movie is when sweet Arthur (elderly film maker) is telling heartbroken Iris that it's time she realizes she's not worthless and Iris replies, 

"You are supposed to be the leading lady of your own life."

I never thought much about those words, just always felt a little sorry for Iris in the story (until the delightful Jack Black falls in love with her and writes her a theme song).  Iris is sort of a victim, continuously allowing her love interest to take her for granted--so much that she decides to flee her home and country for the holidays to avoid the heartache.

I've never found myself in that exact situation, but I do know how it feels to want to escape your life.  Life is loud and full in our house these years.  My girls are all in school and we are constantly on the go and I feel like I'm on a never-ending merry-go-round.  

I know there are people who will tell me to enjoy it because it goes by so quickly--and I understand. It absolutely does.  However, I'm in the thick of it over here and there are days I dream about being at a private home on a remote island where people take care of my laundry, cleaning, and I'm independently wealthy and never have to do anything I don't want to do.

I'm not one to make New Year's resolutions, but I love the start of the new year because it feels like a clean slate--but since my life has revolved around a school calendar since I was 5, I tend to think of things from August-June (July is a bonus month when time is weird).  I have never given much thought to them because I'm usually so thankful the hustle and bustle of December is over.  

However, this year, the one thing that came back to me again and again when I was considering 2019 were the words: show up.  I spend a lot of time in my life doing a lot of things, but when I'm spread so thin, I can't give everyone and every obligation everything I've got.  I find myself feeling overwhelmed and awful and annoyed with every little unexpected thing that requires more of myself because I have nothing left to give to anyone nor anything.  And I end up choosing not to show up as a result.    

But not this year. 
I'm turning 40 this year and if that's not enough motivation to get serious, then I'm not sure what is!  It's time to show up to my life--show up for myself and the things that matter most to me.  Intentionally carve out space and time and effort for this season I'm in, and discard the things that make it harder for me to breathe.  It's time to take inventory and intentionally focus on areas of my life and allow myself to let other things go for a season.  Each month I'm going to pick one area to focus my attention on, and will do my best to share them here (I'm planning to post my January focus next week). 

But for now, I've got a few more days of vacation to enjoy.  
Happy Friday and Happy New Year, everyone.     


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