A loss for words and not enough information.

I'm sitting on my couch and dreaming about having a beautiful screen porch as a writing spot.  I dream about writing a whole book, given the time and space, but sadly I'm not even sure what I would write about.  And the last thing this world needs is another person talking about everything and nothing--our feeds are full of those sorts of people.

In a lot of ways I feel like I've lost my voice, and yet my grandmother tells me out of the blue on Sunday that she wants me to write a book.  I'm not sure she's ever even read anything I've written, so I'm not sure why she shared that with me.

Today might not be the very best day to think about that considering there is a Cat 4 hurricane possibly headed for our backyard, but dreams don't have to pay attention to Jim Cantore.

Unfortunately, my head kept me up last night for hours thinking about all we need to do for the storm.  We (and our sweet camp) are situated right on a river and I've seen those waters rise before.  I'm nervous about them rising again, but also too nervous to leave for fear of not being able to return for days following the storm.  Right now we're planning to stay, but the forecast keeps fluctuating between scary and less scary.  How do you make the right choice when you don't have enough information?

This summer was not great for me health-wise.  An overnight hospital visit, some scary symptoms, serious testing, medications, supplements, and weird side effects made July a roller coaster of emotions.  I fluctuated between ok and scared to death, and I'm so thankful for my husband who helped me through the highs and lows.  There were many days this summer I sat on my couch and stared at nothing trying to keep myself under control for the girls.  Control is my friend and she was nowhere to be seen this summer.

As of right now the doctors do not have definitive answers as to what's ailing me, but a lot of the most scary scenarios have been ruled out--for which I am very thankful.  I'm still dealing with some weird symptoms (and anxiety in relation to them) and I'm ready for some answers.  I'm so glad to have good family and friends who prayed me through this summer because many times I didn't have the words to pray for myself.

I've loved words my whole life--so to have them lost to me was a weird place to be.  

However, when the storm waters rise (both real and perceived), I still know Who controls the winds and the seas with His words.  I've asked over and over for the Lord to show me the joy in my life these past few months.  I've asked Him to show me His kindness.  It's hard to trust a God who allows scary things into our lives, and some moments I'm better at it than others.

But even when I'm at a loss for words, He is faithful.    

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