|Small space and wondering how in the world it's all going to come together.|
We've had some time away from these rooms, and we're gearing up for the return to routines and schedules and crazy. Most of us have spent some time working through lesson ideas and writing things down to remember in the coming year. We've applied for grants and purchased things on sale. We've made stuff for our rooms, and we've Pinned away.
We're excited about the fresh start. We're excited about new supplies and new faces. We're ready to see our favorite co-workers and catch up over lunch in public (because that's not happening again until the next teacher workday). We are shiny and well-scrubbed and maybe even have some new clothes to help transition. We're suntanned and rested. We sleep in and stay up late doing things we want to do when we want to do them. And we love the start of each year because it's all so new again and we tell ourselves that this is the year we're going to do things even better than before.
But, we're also churning with nerves.
There's a part of us not ready to face the new year. We've finally crawled out of the insanity of the previous school year and feel like humans again. We are not ready for the bladder abuse and exhaustion. We have new curriculums and things we have to teach and it makes us doubt our abilities. We wonder if we're going to have another encounter with that parent and we pray the younger siblings end up on someone else's roster. We want those coworkers to like us and we want to get along. We want to rise above and run away from the drama that seems to circulate a mostly-female environment. We are having our own babies and we've recently lost loved ones. We have our own children and we know that for the next 10 months we will spend more time with our non-biological kids and we have major mama guilt. We haven't slept well since the beginning of August and we have nightmares.
This weekend we will want to live it up, but in the back of our minds we have anxiety as we approach Monday morning. It's like sitting at the top of the roller coaster those precious seconds before we're sent rushing down the track on the first big drop. Our minds are running in a million different directions, and most of us have had at least one minor breakdown. Even though we've done this many, many, many times--we still get a little nervous before the beginning of each year.
Because we know what it entails--and it's not for the faint of heart.
We know that we're about to give away our hearts and souls for the next 10 months. We know that there are little people who desperately need some love and attention, and they are going to take, take, take from us and even though they make us lose our sanity, we will fiercely defend and do everything we can to protect them from any and all verbal, mental, emotional, and physical harm. We will have our hearts brimming with love, and we will have our hearts broken. We know there are grownups who are going to test our patience and are going to make us feel like we can't do anything correctly. We know that we are going to return home completely spent and unable to function on all cylinders in the evenings because we've given it all away during the day--even though we try our hardest to avoid this each and every year. We know that there are days we will win, and there will be days we want to throw in the towel because we can't get it together. We will laugh until our stomachs hurt and we will ugly cry. We will be so proud of our students when they finally get it, and we will bang our heads on the walls when we've run out of strategies. We will Hunger Games whistle (do-me-re-sol), and we will depend on other grownups for solidarity.
And in June, we will smile because we've made it again.
Let's do this, teacher friends. xoxxo