Sunday, February 22, 2015

Sweat and conversating.

I work out in the gym with a personal trainer on Thursdays.  The main reason (besides my love affair with salty fries) that I haul my old lady bones to the gym on the other two days each week is because I'm afraid I would be crippled for the rest of my life if I didn't keep my body moving before another Thursday session.  The muscle aches are legit.  He makes me push back, up, against, and through myself, and the pain and exhaustion are serious each week.  I don't always feel like subjecting myself to the workout, but I love the feeling of becoming physically and mentally stronger.  

The conversations we have are one of my favorite things about each week, because it makes the hour of agony pass a little more quickly--it only feels like 4 hours instead of 8 days.  Between reminding me over and over to keep my abs pulled in tight and the "are you gonna let this beat you?" (the single worst thing you could ever say to my competitive nature--and my husband was the one who told him to use that against me), we talk about all things including the last season of Parenthood, our families, food weaknesses, surprises we have planned for our spouses, and funny stories.  Sometimes we tackle more serious topics like racism and social issues.  And sometimes we talk about faith and what that looks like in the real world.

Recently I was speaking to him about some things that were rolling around in my head and some decisions I needed to make in order to make peace with myself.  Of course he asked me questions about whether I had been in prayer (I had) and the typical Faith-based protocol.  But then he said something that was a good life-in-general observation:

"Sometimes, when I find myself reacting in situations in ways that I would never react under normal circumstances--those reactions are an indicator that something needs to change." 


I didn't truly think about this statement until a few days later.  I was at home and a text popped up on my phone.  The subject wasn't anything serious--it was a harmless conversation, but it centered around the issues I had spoken with my trainer about the previous week.  I noticed for the next hour afterwards I felt the biggest weight of anxiety concerning the subject matter.  There was no reason for me to be that stressed out from that single conversation, but for whatever reason, it sent me straight over the edge.  As I was trying to calm myself down, his words found themselves in the front of my mind:

 "Sometimes, when I find myself reacting in situations in ways that I would never react under normal circumstances--those reactions are an indicator that something needs to change." 

I realized what must be done in order to relieve myself from this situation, and I decided that a change needed to be made.  Almost immediately, I felt like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders, and ever since that moment I have a peace in my soul about the situation.

Does that mean it will be an easy change?  

No--but I am learning that life is too short to let certain things bother me.  

And sometimes this means choosing a reaction or behavior that is more in line with who you are, who you've been, and/or who you want to become.  

Happy Sunday!
xoxxo

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