31 Days with Mama A: The Weary World part I (Day 30).
I'm so glad you're here! I hope you've been keeping up with the series since the start. You can find all of the posts on this page. You can also read what other folks like my dear friend, Caroline, are writing this month as well.
Today is an unexpected day at home with two of my three girls.
Unfortunately, I've become so accustomed to the rush and hustle and bustle of life that my mind began ticking down a to-do list that's a mile long because I now had 8 new bonus hours added to my day. I think about all of the things that I could do with my time--laundry, dusting, bathrooms, cooking, neglected projects.
And yet all my body really wants to do is drink coffee and take a nap.
And then I felt guilty because my mind tells me that would be a complete waste of the gift of time.
I think it's funny how He whispers over and over about finding rest and yet we refuse to allow ourselves to take advantage of it. I know my family calendar is absolutely full to the max most days and while it's all good and important things, there is little margin left for rest and recovery. I have been walking around with a perpetual headache and exhaustion and my little hamster wheel spins spins spins when I think of all I have to do each day.
But tell me--why on earth are we so afraid to stop? Why are we so afraid to admit that our houses aren't straight, that our performance was less than stellar, and that we don't measure up? In my mind, not completing things the way they should be done is merely acceptance of failure--or at least acceptance of a lack of effort. My brain doesn't believe in settling for less, and therefore I kill myself each day to take care of everything that I believe must happen.
And when it doesn't?
Shame, shame it knows my name.
I think that it comes back to our pride and inflated egos. We like to hide behind our awards and accomplishments and our abilities to make it look so easy when we know on the inside that we are doing our best to put a bandaid and a smile on to cover it up. So many women I know (myself included) like to post the best things on social media meanwhile skirting around the real issues and insecurities that we deal with on a daily basis.
Smoke and mirrors.
And sometimes Spankx, black pants, and pixie dust.
And even those of us who shout about being transparent aren't willing to really let our guards down and be honest with the daily struggle we have just making it through each day. We carry loads and loads of stress and expectations like they are accessories until our bodies and minds just shut down. We may tell our closest family and friends most things-but we aren't going to share with them the very things that make us feel like dirt. The things that plague our minds and weigh heaviest on our hearts.
Why do you think so many people suffer from depression, anxiety, heart, and weight issues?
I'm not a doctor, but I'm pretty sure there is a strong correlation between our stress levels and well-being because our minds can only handle so much junk before it starts seeping into all parts of our bodies.
Today my body is clearly telling me that I've got to stop, too. I need to give myself permission to not be all of the things that I tell myself I have to be. I'm reminding myself (and you, too) that it's ok to be human--frail and dependent. I cannot do all of these things on my own. I simply cannot. Life is too big of a job to tackle by myself.
I don't think it's an accident that my soul hangs tightly to the the words that have been rising in my heart these past few days.
. . . A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices. . .
Fall on your knees. . .
Love and smooches,