In my defense, my school year has started out a little coo-coo crazy and I've been doing my best to recover between home and work and ballet and tumbling and meetings and assemblies and groups on the camp grounds and chorus auditions and homework and LAUNDRY and bottles and groceries and meals and stories and all those glorious things that mamas and daddies do to keep things rolling in la casa.
I feel like I hit the ground every morning and RUN until about 8:30pm or so when the kids are all in the bed and I have packed lunches for the next day (seriously, our lunches are so uninspired these days. I should be fired from lunchbox assembly because there have been some interesting combinations this past week) and get to take my shower before it all starts again the next day. It's not wonder that I'm completely wiped at 8:33pm each night.
We have yet to settle into a predictable routine and I feel like I'm constantly on the move and trying to figure out what's next on our calendar and how can we all make it happen? My lerve and I high five each other from time to time as we pass through our revolving doors of meetings and our separate work things.
I'm doing my best to just do the next thing and remembering that this is just the season we're in right now. I remember that I am speaking life into my girls' lives and memories and I don't want them to remember a crazy mama who is constantly frazzled. I do my best in the mornings to not rush them out the door (however, the girls are well aware that we don't have time to stop and "relax" aka fall back asleep on the couch before breakfast on school days).
My OCD is screaming for order and routine in my home and at work and that just ain't happenin' these days.
I make the best of it the only way I know how. . . I put out fall decorations. I drink coffee with peppermint-flavored creamer in the mornings (it's been a two-cup week--double my intake, double the caffeinated shakes). I open windows wide on cool mornings and air out my home. I sing to my baby girl. I laugh with my big girls. I watch "World War Z" with my husband (it was actually not too bad--considering it is no where near my typical movie genre). I read and reflect for a few moments each morning and try to keep those Words in my heart.
|Ebb and flow. Ebb and flow.|
Many twentieth-century composers experimented with musical structures in their pieces (and that is about my extent of 20th Century theoretical knowledge. I paid a whole lot of money for that knowledge.) (I love to listen to it and think about it and talk about it--but, I don't want to analyze it for a grade ever again.) (Ever.) (Ever.)
I feel like I've been doing the same thing to my life recently--experimenting with rhythm and style and tone colors in my schedule. I find small bits of success and much apparent chaos--and I'm seeing that a whole lot of the small things will get lost in the mix unless I pay attention to them. And, just like in those 20th century compositions, those seemingly small things are actually huge and very, very important.
I'm working to remember that in all this glorious mess that we've got going on in our lives these days, that there are hearts that I need to attend to. I need to keep my focus on the end and not the middle (or even the beginning--tricksy, tricksy). And, I need to remember that one day when everything is resolved and we end back in familiar territory that there was a whole lot to be discovered in the midst of the piece.
I stumbled across this quote by Aaron Copland: A melody is not merely something you can hum. Any musician will tell you that is the absolute truth. My ears won't let me just listen passively to any song. I have to think about it, I have to make a decision about it, I have to devote mental time and energy to it. I seldom "relax" by listening to music in the afternoons on the way home from work. I can't quiet my brain if there's music playing in the background.
And, I refuse to sit back and hum along with my life, either.
Happy Saturday, everyone.