There are moments lately when I feel it welling up on me.
Maybe it's the hormones. Maybe it's the lack of sleep. Maybe it's the stress of life these days. Whatever it is, it comes a little more easily these days. When I'm trying to hold the baby and get the bottle ready and answer endless questions and listen to jokes and look presentable and squeeze myself back into life as I used to know it.
Yesterday, I was driving in the car with the girls trying to collect my thoughts and get from point A to B before O decided it was time to eat again, and I felt it all coming upwards. From my eyes to my shoulders to my stomach to my back--the exhaustion, the weight, the stress.
My girls and I had been running ragged that morning and we were tired. Just. plain. tired. And the oldest ones were doing their very best to be good sports about the crazy morning, but I could tell that we were all longing to be home. I reminded my eldest that sometimes life in the ministry means that we sacrifice things like our preferences of how we spend our time. And sometimes that means "fun" and "vacation" get put on hold momentarily so we can better serve those at our camp. And I reminded her how especially important it was this week because we have been blessed with the privilege of housing high school students on our grounds. And that those kids are in the process of shedding their skins and getting their wings and it is so, so vital that they have this week to Hear and Receive without the distractions of life.
And then, my same heart and mind that was bestowing great spiritual wellness on my children, selfishly pleaded with the Lord to please just let us get home before the baby starts crying again.
Maybe it's just me, but when she cries, really, really cries, in the car and I can't immediately pull over and get in the backseat or get to her, I feel like my insides start coming apart. I feel enormous stress and pressure and pain and sympathy and the fiercest love all at the same time. It's a feeling that can only be described as Motherhood with a capital M.
But, yesterday had been a day, and I just didn't think I could handle a baby meltdown, too. It would have set me over the edge of sanity.
And I somehow knew He would answer my prayer.
And He also reminded me that if I can throw up a fleeting prayer request for the smallest thing, like allowing me 30 more minutes to drive home, and expect Him to answer, then I need to trust Him in the bigger things, too.
Like if the family renting our home moves out and we need to carry our mortgage while we wait for it to sell, we need to trust Him.
And that we have no control over things like SIDS. Or blood clots. Or depression. Or cancer. Or the life in front of us.
We just need to trust Him.
And we need to remind our children to trust Him in the smaller things like dealing with mean girls and boys who hurt feelings. Or people that snap and say things that aren't directed at us, yet we always seem to fall on the receiving end.
And there's more than enough Grace and Love and Mercy for all of us mamas who are in the thick of it. When we don't have the energy to move, when we regret being short with our answers, and when our patience runs a little dry.
And for the wife or husband who feels like they don't measure up. And when they just want to get the attention of their spouses, and not the negative kind.
And for the invalid or the chronically ill who feel like they are in the way or causing a burden for their family. When they can't care for themselves, but don't want to ask for help, either.
And that there's something for the single person--and it's not necessarily found in their yet-to-be-named spouse.
One of my favorite lines from one of my most favorite songs is, "if His grace is an ocean, we're all sinking." It's been close to my heart for a few years now for several reasons, but I'm hearing it with new ears this week. We all have these big and small troubles, when we are just plain sinking. Sometimes I need to remember that the sinking gives me an opportunity to sink a little more into Him. And thank goodness, there's more than enough of Him to go around to meet all of our needs, big and small.
The Lord met me in my car yesterday morning. And yes, we made it home with time to spare, and without a baby meltdown on the way home.
And I'm reminding myself He will meet me today, and tomorrow, too.
And I believe He's going to do the same for you, too.
Maybe you're in need of a little DC*B this morning: