Tuesday, May 14, 2013

What a Pregnant Woman WANTS to Say.

1.  I know I'm enormous--but please stop telling me that I am not going to make it to my due date.  Even though I'd like to believe it's true as well (because I'm also hoping this will be over sooner than later), but your comments are really making me feel like a whale.

2.  Don't tell me how tired I look.  I'm well aware.  And I'm obviously tired.  Making me very short-tempered.  Run away.  Quickly.

3.  I've had multiple ultrasounds, there is only one baby in there.

4.  My feet hurt, my stomach is stretched, my back is killing me, I'm carrying around an extra 30 pounds--and you are going to make fun of the way I'm walking?  Seriously?

5.  Yes, I'm going to eat that.  And this as well.  And then I'm going to have some ice cream.

Because. I. Can. 

6.  We are not going to try for a boy.  Clearly, we live in Estrogen City around here.  And I'm too old to do this again.  This is it.

7.  I have grown this baby in my womb for 9 long months.  I have given up favorite foods.  I have taken vitamins that have done a number on my intestinal and digestive systems.  I have endured swollen feet and numb hands and a fatty face.  I have been on an emotional roller coaster.  I have/had nausea, vomiting, heartburn, headaches, migraines, backaches, cramps, and contractions.  I'm going to let my trusted doctor cut my stomach wide open and remove said baby and then work for at least another 9 months to get myself back to my fighting weight.  If I tell you the baby's name and you make an ugly face, I will punch you.  I could name this baby Toilet Seat Avery if I wanted to.

Not that I would, but I could.  

8.  I can't think of a good number 8.  My mind is not what it used to be.  Please give me a break if I say something crazy, forget what I was talking about, or get a little snippy or weepy.  I'm doing the best I can, OK?!?!?!

9.  I do not want you to come and stay for six hours with me in the hospital.  If you want to come by and say hello and see our sweet baby girl, please come by for brief visit.  If you want to wait until we get home, I promise we will not be offended.  At all.

10.  Likewise, please do not come by the house the same day (or even the day after) I get home from the hospital unless you are in my or (my spouse's) direct bloodline.  And, yes, I'm talking about you.  And her.  And him.  And them.  I'll be recovering from major abdominal surgery.  I won't be able to walk to the restroom, get off the couch, lay down on the bed, laugh, or pick up anything on my own for a few days.  I will be a mess of hormones.  The introvert in me is going to be exhausted from the delivery and the hospital and the lack of privacy and sleep and the meds and the stitches.

And we are really going to want to spend some time with our little family as we adjust to the new normal.   

Our family, May 2012.  Our last family of four photography session by the talented Mark Collie.   
Baby O will be joining us on (or before) June 3rd.  We are excited to meet our new baby girl and introduce her to all of you.  Thank you so much for all of the support and love you have given our family these past nine months.  xoxxo

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