I've thought about the conversation we had and how it seems like I'm finally just about on the other side of the fence. I'm standing at the gate of Moving On With Life and I'm finally able to see just how far the Lord took me to get my attention back on Him and the way He was moving in our lives. It literally took Him stripping away my familiarity, my pride, my favorite things and people, and all things that I thought I knew about Him and me and that wonderful thing we call grace.
He brought me to my knees and I have sat in ashes and awareness of the ugliness I allowed places in my heart to become.
It certainly was not easy.
But, I am also finally recognizing for probably the first time in my life how incredibly small I am. How my good deeds are insignificant. How my shames are covered just like everyone else's. How I need that grace and mercy like woah, and how ignorant and prideful I lived thinking that my sins didn't stink as badly as others'. It started slowly, and it wasn't something I was consciously aware of--it just sort of grew arms and legs and at some point I allowed it to take up residence in my heart.
Maybe these are things everyone else has known all along--but for this proverbial good girl--this has been a tough pill to swallow. And it left a bad taste in my mouth.
But, I am so thankful to have a new perspective on life. It came with a painful cost--one that He paid for over two thousand years ago on a tree. A debt I didn't even know I had when I entered this world--and one I could never, ever repay.
I am thanking the Lord for His endless mercy and love. I am thanking Him for His restoration and peace. And I'm thankful for the trials that brought me to this point in my life because my eyes have gotten better.