My pride keeps me anxious, and my anxiety lies and says that I am nothing to be proud of.
My anxiety keeps me up at all hours of the night, keeps me flustered during the day when I should be calm, and makes me very irritable when things don't go as planned.
My pride gives me permission to be anxious because my pride won't allow me to fail.
Because if I worry, I can fix it by worrying it all away.
My pride makes me the dictator of life--and I trust very few to help me accomplish tasks the way that I need them to be accomplished. And then anxiety kicks in because what if I'm not all that I need to be? What if someone could have done it better than me?
What will they say about me? Those mean people that keep score of my failures and decide if I am worthwhile? Those people who are not related to me, not my bosses, and who are acquaintances at best? I know they have a little notebook in which they check off my ability to perform any task well. And their opinions, that I will never hear, keep me on my toes.
But, this morning, I'm irritated with those people. And I'm irritated with myself for allowing their opinions to matter. So, today--I'm giving us all permission to stop caring about what those people think and say about us. If they are not God, if they are not related to us, if they are not our supervisors, and if they are not our very best friends--then their opinions really don't matter in the big scheme of things.
So, today (and tomorrow and the days after that) you have my permission to stop killing yourself to please the imaginary crowd watching your every move and deciding your worth as a person. You have my permission to stop tossing and turning at night because of those people who are obviously critiquing every word and action of your life. You have my permission to stop replaying every mistake and terrible thing you have said and done in your lifespan.
Not that you need my permission, because I don't have time to worry about what you're doing, I'm too busy keeping myself straight these days.
Let's all give ourselves (and those around us) permission to be regular people with strengths and differences. Let's stop trying to cram ourselves in the "acceptable" norms and just be who we were created to be. Let's breathe a little easier and sleep a little better.
I know it's easier said than done. I'm a walking stress ball. But if I can make strides to fix this in my life, then I want to encourage you to do the same. A friendly acquaintance of mine posted this on her Facebook today:
"Both worry & stress reek of arrogance." ~Francis Chan
I'm tired of reeking, and I'm tired of worrying if you think I reek.