My Lerve aka Blogger

Christacular has gone and done it.  

That sweet, sweet man has posted a blog and his words make me a little swoony. 

Photography by Lauren Thorn

 

My husband is a very good man with many very good traits:  

Sarcastic.  

Witty.  

Resourceful. 

Not concerned with worldly things.  

And very compassionate. 

I'm so glad my girls will grow up in a house with his example.  

Mama A Says: Your kid is a loser

And it is totally ok once in a while.  

Hello dearies--it's Mama A here once again ready to enlighten you with some love and life advice.  I hope you are enjoying the fall and cooler temps as we head straight into the most wonderful season of alllllllll!!!!  

Tonight I'm speaking to my fellow parental units trying to survive The World of PC Parenting.  

And no, I'm not referring to a Mac free home.  

My dear modern mommies and daddies, let's take a trip down Memory Lane.  Remember when we were kids and we got things like ribbons on Field Day for things like actually winning the race?  And remember when we had Spelling Bees and there was one winner and maybe a second place?  

Remember a time before participation trophies and ribbons?  When your hardware actually meant something--not just that you showed up for the event?  

Remember when you had to try out for a sports team and some people just didn't make it?  

Or those times you sold fundraiser items and only people who sold enough items received prizes?  

When did we decide that not hurting anyone's feelings was a prize?  When did we agree that everyone should get a prize--even if they didn't work as hard as the other people? 

So why on earth are we allowing our children to grow up in a PC world in which everyone gets a prize??? 

In my profession, we have to endure auditions.  During my musical career there have been times I auditioned and received the position I sought.  

There were other times I didn't. 

Did it hurt my feelings?  Yes. 

Did it make me mad?   Of course. 

Did it make me want to quit?  Sometimes. 

But I didn't.  

I had sense enough to know that if I really wanted something, I had to work for it.  I didn't have those parents who could donate enough money to buy my positions or the kind that insisted on calling the teacher, principal, AND superintendent when something didn't go my way at school.  Ok, ok, there was this one time I was in a science class of loonies and the boys sitting next to me were trying to electrocute themselves on the table outlets with paperclips when they weren't throwing things across the room and possibly dealing drugs or other questionable things.  Big John did, in fact, call that teacher to the carpet on that one. . . but I digress.  

That was totally legitimate.  

I learned very early on that rewards were much sweeter when they were actually earned.  I also learned that no matter what people try to tell themselves, life is not fair.  There will be times I will be disappointed.  I am so thankful that I didn't have parents who painted a life picture of polka dots and moonbeams and sprinkles of delight. And, yes, there were some very happy memories from my childhood.  However, I was well aware that there were times that life would not work out in my favor and I better not wallow and whine.  

There wasn't time to wallow and whine at the Huddleston house.  

So, if for some reason your child doesn't make the team, or receive the honor, or isn't chosen as a Terrific Kid or hall monitor--GET OVER IT!  It's good for them to feel the sting of rejection and it's good for them to recognize that they can't have everything at all times.  Learning how to accept rejection and failure is a good life skill.  You've got to teach your kids how to shake it off and move forward rather than let them depend on their Bully Mom to fight their battles for them.  

You aren't doing them any favors.  

I mean, you aren't planning to call their future employers after an interview one day and demand to know why your 30 year old didn't get the job, are you? 

Please, for the love of all that's wonderful, don't be that mom!

So, if your kid is the loser once in a while, it's ok.  If your kid doesn't make the team, it's ok.  Stop blaming it on things like the coach didn't like him, or she wasn't the teacher's pet, or it wasn't fair because the tryouts were on Tuesdays and it was rainy and you had comb your pet turtle's hair.  Stop making excuses, stop blaming others, and just accept the fact that maybe, this one time, your child was not the winner.  Maybe they aren't talented in that area or sport.  Maybe singing just isn't their thing (American Idol, anyone?)  Maybe this failure will allow them to focus on the other things they are actually skilled and talented at, rather than wasting their time on things that they aren't cut out for.  

I know parenting is hard.  I know you want to make your baby happy.  I know you want things to go smoothly for them.  But the fact of the matter is, life doesn't go smoothly.  

It's time for them to learn how to suck it up and deal with losing once in a while.  

It's good for them.  I promise.  

Love and smooches, 

Mama A. 

xoxxo  

Slow Down.

Yesterday morning I was sprucing up a little around the house (as much as one can spruce up when your daughter's belongings are all in the dining room due to hurricane damage thankssomuchIrene) and put on a little holiday music because well, it's right around the corner and I was feeling a little blahismal (you like that word?  I just made it up--sort of a cross between "blah" and "dismal").

And this time of year tends to lift my spirits for a good number of reasons.  

We all know how I feel about this:

and this

and them (oh my goodness, look how little they were!)

(and my lerve, Christacular, is still so handsome)

Photography by Lauren Thorn

 Oh yes, and this:

Footed pajamas--be still my heart!

And I got caught up in watching my girls--another year older, another year wiser (I'm still holding out that Molly will have just maybe one more year of SC--we've already figured out that the TF and the EB are fictional characters), another year has come and gone.  

And I whispered to God, "Please, let it slow down."

Because this life just moves too quickly sometimes.  

It seems like just a few months ago I took down all of the decorations and here we are back at that time of year again. 

This week we've been reminded once again that life is so precious and fleeting.  

I don't want to get so caught up in the day-in and day-out that I lose them (and my life) in the process.  

 Teach us to realize the brevity of life, so that we may grow in wisdom.  

Psalm 90:12 NLT 

Weekend Blessings

Time. 

Front porch rockers. 

Conversation. 

Secrets. 

Laughter. 

Friendships. 

Encouragement. 

Beautiful weather. 

Birthday parties.  

Fall Fest 2011.

Worship. 

Face painting.

Flowers. 

Little girls. 

Ok, ok. . .it's from last weekend--but they're still my blessings!

Sweet gestures. 

Kisses.  

Good reads--blogs, magazines, and books. 

Take the time to count your blessings this week!  

Backseat Drivers.

There are times we are pregnant with life.  

We are full of anticipation and desperately seeking His plan for us.  

We wait for outcomes. 

We know we are in particular seasons for particular reasons.  

We trust that He will lead us there (wherever "there" is), but we are often impatient and sometimes wish He would drive a little faster.

We're like the children of Israel in the backseat of life, "How much longerrrrr??????"  

Lord, work on our hearts.  

Create in us a sense of peace. 

Create in us a sense of wonder. 

Create in us a sense of joy when watching You move ever so slightly.  

Help us to delight in the journey rather that remaining anxious in the anticipation of reaching the destination.  

PS:  My sweet friend, Caroline (local girl-turned South African missionary-turned local girl), wrote a post this week with a similar theme about finding Him in the moment.  Definitely worth a read!

Memo.

Yesterday morning before we headed out, I noticed something very peculiar in my yard. 

This is one of our pear trees. 

And it's decided to flower again. 

It is simultaneously shedding leaves and blooming. 

For some reason, it really made me smile. 

Apparently it didn't get the memo that it was time to shed rather than bloom. 

But a part of me cheered it on for having the spunk to go against the expected flow.  

I kind of admire that in plants.  

And in people.  

Grace.

Like a warm cup of beverage. 

Like a conversation with a good friend. 

Like a deep cleansing breath. 

Like your hand being held by one who holds your heart.   

It's Grace that I want to remember. 

Grace is what I want to share. 

Grace is what I want to articulate.  

Grace is what I've been given.  

Deep, wonderful, life-giving Grace.  

I'm drinking the Water.  

I'm inhaling deeply.  

I'm watching slowly.

And it is well with my soul.  

Transitional Items: Leaving on Good Terms

Let's face it.  Most likely you are going to switch places of employment at least one time in your life.  Probably more than once--I've heard the average is around 7.

I've primarily been a public school teacher (a semi-secure job) and I've changed schools 6 times.  I'm hoping my current situation will be a long term one.  I'm getting too old for moving (and Christacular agrees).

Sometimes you might leave a place of employment or a church and find that some folks are less than courteous.  They may feel the need to justify your departure with snarky comments, rude behavior, or just out and out lies about your performance.  You can feel the daggers in your back as you walk toward the exit.

This can be very hurtful and make your blood boiling mad.  You start to recognize the individuals who were only friendly to your face while you provided a service.  You find that some individuals are your true friends while others will become a passing blip on the radar.

We've all been there. 

I think about my and my family's departures over the years and how some have been tear-filled and gracious, while others have been less than stellar.  I've left some places and felt like I was tearing my heart in two.  I cried a large amount of tears, hugged a lot of friends, and have kept in contact with those people through the years.  

I've left other places and felt like I couldn't run fast enough to get away.  

Throughout the years we've made several moves for various reasons.  Ministry can be a transient business, especially in the beginning as you are looking for your fit.  Some churches are wonderful training grounds for young ministers, while others appear to be the final resting place for others.  If you are a young, fresh, squeaky clean graduate and you end up in a final resting place church, it can be bad, bad news.  They will chew you up and spit you out faster than you can recite some of those very important verses you studied at school.  

It can be a hard pill to swallow, but let me strongly encourage you to decide to leave on good terms.  Be the bigger person, close your mouth, and smile as you leave.  Be gracious, be kind, and be courteous--even when they are spitting insults to your face. 

Matthew 5:39.  Just turn the other cheek--and move on.   

This can be incredibly difficult, but I assure you, it is the right thing to do.  Always aim to leave with your reputation and your relationships intact.  You never know when you will cross paths with those people again--and like it or not, you have a history with those people.  And, if you are Christians, you have a whole eternity to spend with people, so you might as well get used to each other.  

Here's a list of do's and don'ts for assisting you in your departure:  

• Do speak kindly of the organization after your departure.  Do not publicly criticize or insult the people at or during your exit.  It only makes your next supervisor or church curious how you will speak of them when you leave. 
• Don't leave with cross words or on bad terms.  Do your best to mend broken relationships before you leave.  Apologize if needed, give hand shakes and hugs, and wish people well.  What's done is done, the past is the past.  You can't change it, and there is no need to rehash it in your mind.  
• Do take the time to speak to those individuals who have been kind to you.  Wish them well, keep in contact with them.  
• Do find someone who has been in your shoes and talk to them.  I have been blessed to have several individuals that I could speak to about my worries or feelings during transitions.  It makes you feel better to get things off of your chest by in a "judgement free" zone.  You will have the ability to sort your feelings and vent without taking it out on your supervisor or congregation.  
• Don't be a jerk.  Speak highly of others--you can always find something nice to say about your place of employment. You don't have to highlight the faults, just speak the positive.  

I hope that you never have to endure bad exits in your employment, but the reality is, at some point, you probably will.  Let me encourage you to act in a way that you will be able to leave with your head held high.

I invite others of you to share your tips on surviving a bad exit--but remember, no bashing or trashing!  

Autumn. And Life.

This past week I've made a point to count blessings instead of irritations.  

Perhaps it's because we're heading into an extended season (especially if you're at my house during the months of November and December) of joy.   

Perhaps it's because my life was so chaotic this past month that I'm thankful for some breathing room in my calendar again. 

Whatever it is, I'm glad for the change of perspective.

I'm so blessed to have good friends to share life with.  I have a wonderful family.  I attend a great church.  I have a good job.  Life is good.    

This weekend the air has been crisp and the temperatures are cool--announcing the return of glorious, glorious autumn.  

And for some reason, I feel a deep connection with autumn this year.  

Perhaps because it's the season in which nature demonstrates that even death can be beautiful.  

For I serve a Lord that brings good things from the terrible.  

Even when a tragedy occurs.  

Even when a loved one dies.  

Even when good things come to an end. 

There is beauty in the final hour.  

And the first minute, hour, day, week, year, lifetime.  

Maybe it took Ayden's corner to smell it.

Maybe it took megan's show to see it.  

Maybe it took Jill's service to feel and hear it.

Maybe it took 10.3.10 to be surrounded by it. 

But there is a mark on those who have been touched by loss.  

You can always see it in their eyes.  

You have to look past the sadness and you will find strength.

Quiet.

Dignity. 

Grace.  

Perhaps you also have to be touched by loss to see it.   

And perhaps that's why I appreciate these red and orange leaves even more this year.  

A Year Ago This Weekend.

What a difference a year makes.  

A year ago today.

Tomorrow. 

Sifting through highs.

And tremendous lows. 

Searching for words, reason, meaning, direction.  

I am forever changed.  

To Everything. Turn.

This week has been rather momentous.  

It's hard to believe that my second grader

Thank the Lord for pink shirts (although we're still working on tucking with style).

lost her very first tooth 

And we've probably got 2 more to lose in the next week or so.

and figured out the Tooth Fairy really didn't fly by her house in the same 24 hours.  

Her wisdom and perception astounds me sometimes.  

I often feel like I'm talking to an old soul trapped in a seven year old body. 

Serious.  She has her daddy's face.

But she's also still a kid and loves to laugh.  

I love the humor she finds in every single day.  

Time marches so quickly.  

Fleeting.

I need to remember to stop turning and notice.

Transitional Items: Aldi

Many of you are aware that I went through an employment change a few months ago.  While it was a positive change and a good step for our family, it also meant that I went without a paycheck for about a month and a half.

Now, before I begin, let me say that I consider myself very blessed that it was only for a month and a half--I know far too many people that have had much longer times without employment.  I'm not hanging my head or wearing what my father lovingly called the "martyr button" in this post.

I'm simply stating the facts here, folks.  

Just the facts and nothing but the facts.  

During that time, my lerve and I took a long look at our finances.  It was going to be tight, and it was going to be lean, but we were determined to make it happen.  One of the first steps we took was to leave our beloved grocery stores like Lowe's Foods and Harris Teeter and went back to shopping at Aldi.  

I primarily shop at Lowe's Foods.  I like the atmosphere, I like that they double coupons, and I find it easier to navigate.  There are usually less people and it's in the center of town.  I can also find my K-cups at the Bed, Bath, and Beyond right next door.  However, like every other grocery store, it can get a little pricey.  

I also visit our local Harris Teeter from time to time.  I used to only shop there, but lately I've found it to be out of my price range.  I will hit their coupon days, but as a general rule, I only use it for emergencies or quick pick ups.  

But, I knew that if I wanted to save money on my grocery bill, going to Aldi was going to be my first step.  

If you don't have an Aldi in your hometown, consider it a less cool grocery version of Ikea.  It's very warehouse oriented.  You select your items, you pack up your stuff after purchase, you pay for the bags if you need them (just bring your own), and you're on your merry way.  There aren't a lot of bells and whistles--it's very straightforward and basic.     

You walk in after paying your quarter deposit for a shopping cart and it's essentially 3 aisles.  There are pantry goods, paper products, dairy, frozen foods, produce, and meat as well as a smattering of non-grocery items that are usually seasonal or promotional.  The items are primarily the Aldi brands but you can also find name brands as well.  This past week, for example, I found Twix and M&M ice cream bars in the freezer as well as Minute Maid juice bottles on sale.  You never quite know what name brand items will be on sale, but you can usually count on the Aldi brand stuff to remain consistent.  

You will also notice that many are packaged suspiciously like your store brand foods and products--just with a slightly different label.  The creamer at Aldi is exactly the same as the Lowe's Foods creamer.  I have found that the only things that are a little iffy are the produce--if you arrive soon after a delivery the fruit is fresh, otherwise you need to check it closely.  Our Aldi doesn't have a refrigerated area for their produce--so it sits out market style.  But, our Aldi doesn't offer items that need that refrigerated area either (like leafy greens), so it's not a big deal.  If I need those items, I'll go by another store on my way home.  

Do I love Aldi?  No. 

Do I like that I could get a week's worth of groceries this past week for a family of 4 for $46.00?  Absolutely. 

If you've never shopped at Aldi, take note: 

• No coupons are accepted. 
• Bring your own bags or use the empty boxes on the shelves.  You can also purchase bags at the store for a small fee. 
• You never know what's going to be in there, so plan to make a smaller trip to another grocery store if needed.  This week I didn't like the way the potatoes were packaged--I didn't need a 10 pound bag--so I had to make a detour on my way home to Harris Teeter to pick up a 5 pound bag of potatoes and green onions. 
• There are no bells nor whistles nor Starbucks inside.  There are groceries and price tags.  
• There will be very few people on staff available if you need help (which you shouldn't).
• It's either there or it's not.  If you are brand loyal, prepare to be disappointed.
• It will be cheaper and the quality (for the most part) is very good.  My kids LOVE their gummy fruit snacks and I can get a box of 12 for $1.39.  It's a great place to stock up on lunch box items and staples.  
• There will be a wide variety of people shopping at Aldi.  I've seen people who look like they've fallen on rough times and I've seen people drive off in their Lexus.  It's not a poor person's store--it's truly for the thrifty shopper.  

All in all, Aldi truly helped us save on our monthly food budget.  I still plan to visit the store at least once or twice a month to stock up on pantry items.  It's a great way to save!