Monday, June 6, 2011

Mama A Says: I See London, I See France. . .

I see lotsa mommies' underpants!!!!

And believe me, it's NOT on purpose.  But, the way some of you ladies are parading around these days, one can't help but get an eye full while we are out and about.  And there is nothing like the summer season to see some of you shed your clothing like nobody's business (when, in actuality, it becomes everyone's business because we can clearly see your business!)


Many of you requested a part two to this post, and Mama A is more than happy to oblige.  


Ladies, it's time to bring a little modesty back.  Please.  Unless you are at a tropical destination (far, far away from people who know and work with you--other than your lerve, of course), clothing that exposes you from every angle should not be permitted.  I don't want to see your massive cleavage at the local pool.  I do not want to see your thong and string bikini at the beach.  I do not want to see your enormous and artificial ta-tas pushed up and on display when you are trotting around in full make up and styled hair at the gym or on the side of the road.  And goodness me, some of you ladies show up to church, school, or community events lookin' like you've just rolled up from 5th Street in downtown Greenville.

You look a hot mess.

Yes, I intended it to read like that without the "like" and with a neck roll. 

Now, for the record, I'll admit that I'm slightly (ok, very much) on the conservative side of women's clothing.  I do not like to have an excessive amount of skin showing, and I'm not a fan of the deeply plunging necklines or thigh-exposing skirts and shorts.  It's just not something I'm comfortable with on my person.

However, some of you insist on dressing like you are heading out for a night on the town when it's Tuesday at 9:45am at the local post office.  And my goodness, you are giving us ALL a peep show when you bend down and let us see your booty butt crack.

Please stop.  I'm tired of my kids laughing at your exposure at the library--and I'm tired of having to shoosh them.  I've got better things to do--like look for books.

Besides, there comes a point in a lady's life in which she must decide what sort of image she wants to project.  I'm not asking you to drink the Prude Juice and wear old lady garments and look frumpy, but I am asking you to leave your party girl college days (and clothes) behind (and please cover your behind!)  It's time to embrace a more dignified and classy approach to women's attire.  It can be fun, it can be cute, and it can be very affordable.

So, here is a pop quiz to see how you are dressing these days.  Please answer each question as honestly as possible.

1.  It's the first day of spring and you hear Marvin (the local weatherman) announce that it might reach 74 degrees tomorrow.  You pick out the following clothes to wear to the neighborhood cookout:

A.  Jeans, tank top, and flip flops
B.  A formal evening gown complete with tiara
C.  Mini skirt, tube top, and wedges

2.  It's Sunday morning.  You choose the following to wear to the Lord's House:

A.  Skirt or slacks, cute top or sweater, and heels
B.  A choir robe
C.  Same outfit as the cookout, just with 7 inch heels

3.  It's triple coupon day at HT!  You grab the first thing you find in your closet to beat the other binder ladies for free mustard.  You arrive at HT wearing:

A.  Yoga pants, t-shirt, tennis shoes
B.  Business suit and heels
C.  Short spandex workout shorts, plunging v-neck workout shirt (with help from pushup bra), and those shoes that are supposed to help you tone your rear while you walk

4.  You've got a hot date with your lerve.  Your lerve called to say you guys were going somewhere special.  You decide to wear:

A.  A little black dress, strappy heels, and a fun bag
B.  Again with the tiara and formal gown
C.  A dress that requires duck tape, body glue, no undergarments, and sparkly 7 inch heels

5.  You're going to volunteer for your child's class field trip.  You feel you will be most comfortable in:

A.  Capris, t-shirt, sandals or flip flops
B.  Khaki pants, button down shirt, and field boots
C.  Booty shorts, tank top exposing your belly flesh, and sandals with rhinestones

If you picked:

Mostly A's:  Congratulations!  You've found that nice balance between modest and cute.  Yea for you!

Mostly B's:  Well, you are very, very modest.  Perhaps you could try to pair a little bit of feminine and fun with your very conservative attire.

Mostly C's:  Houston, we have a problem.  Clearly you are clueless when it comes to modesty and appropriate attire.  Please find your grandmother and let her take you shopping.  You are killing us.

And there you have it ladies (and my closet male readers).  Mama A loves you very much, but if you continue to wear your streetwalker gear in broad daylight, she might borrow some of the choir robes from the B's and start handing them out.

Love and smooches,
Mama A.
xoxxo

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