Saturday, October 16, 2010

Always Classy, Never Trashy

You might be trashy if:

1. You wear those plaid pjs out in public.  For real.  Keep your pjs in the house.  Only exceptions include:  major hospital emergency situation which doesn't allow for wardrobe change, embarrassing your teenagers at school for previously embarrassing you, or walking to and from your house to the paper box in the morning.

If you must wear your pjs out of the house, at least compromise and wear sweats (and even that is pushing it) so that we think you're going to and from the gym or something which sweats would be acceptable attire.

2.  You snort/clear your throat excessively (you know, the sinus cleansing snoorrrrrttttttts) which make us all instantly search for hand sanitizer.  Clear your sinuses out at home/restroom and carry kleenex instead of sniff sniff snooooorrrrrrrtttttttttttttt.   We are all understanding of cold/flu/allergy season.  No problem. Just please don't be "that guy who snorts in class/Target/Harris Teeter."  So trashy.

3.  Don't be all loud in public facilities with your gang of girls/guys.  No one thinks you're funny when you're making food creations or yelling, "Go (insert local high school mascot)!!!!" in the middle of Taco Bell.  If we wanted to cheer for your team you would have seen us at the game.  And you didn't.  So let me eat my mexican pizza in peace.

4.  You fail to check for a courtesy flush.  Rude.

5.  You let your kids run WILD in the store, parking lot, or general public.  I mean, screaming, jumping on chairs, running up and down aisles--control your children while I resist the urge to control them myself.

Also, it's getting cooler.  Baby might need something more than a diaper and that crud on his face to keep him warm.

6.  College girls--it's time to put the skank summer clothes up.  Adding UGGs to your mini skirt doesn't make you any warmer.

7.  Hipsters, you just look like you need a shower.  Several showers to wash off the dirty and the dismissive attitude off your face.  No one is impressed by you and your lack of desire to make an impression (even though we all know that's the impression you want to make?)

8.  Rebel Yells.

Questionable Exceptions:  NASCAR events, tractor pulls, and Charlie Daniels' concerts.

Love and smooches,
A.

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