I've grown to love my students this year--they provide comic relief when I'm about to explode, cry with me when I've got too much on my heart, and pray with me about any and everything.
I have the best job. Ever.
So, tonight is our first tour performance at a local church. I'm a little nervous because I want them to do well. Tim talked this past Sunday about pride and I totally admit that that is a HUGE issue for me. I want to be known for doing things well and I want people to like me. When I get nervous or upset about something it usually means that I've got the wrong focus. It usually is something like, "What if I'm not good enough? What if I earn a poor reputation? What if they hate me? What if they hate (insert performance)?"
I, I, I. They, They, They. UGH!
So, my prayer throughout this is that God will be glorified. I am praying for opportunities to minister to people, to spread the love of Christ through song, and for my students to represent the Kingdom well. At the end of the day it's really not about anything else.
Yes, I want the students to represent the school well.
Yes, I want them to perform well.
Yes, I want people to think that I'm good enough.
But, it's not about me and my selfish desires.
John 3:30: He must become greater; I must become less.
We can be very judgmental at times, especially in the ministry. We want to exude confidence and competence and we love to point fingers of blame at anyone else. We love to complain and critique. How many times have we sat in church and instead of appreciating the message or the music spent more time wincing in agony because someone cracked a note? Or, when we sing or speak in church we spend more time worrying about what the people thought about our missed notes or stuttered words.
I do it all the time. Shame, shame, SHAME on me.
I must learn that I am not here to please men. Yes, I will do my best for my earthly masters and I will take my tasks seriously.
But, I do not need their praises or pats on the backs for my recognition will be the ability to be with Christ for eternity.
To know that I am His child will be enough.