Life

Things have been chaotic lately at casa Avery.  Both of the girls have been sick for the past 2 weeks, Lily's episode has been much scarier, and I'm starting to feel a little sniffly myself.  

Ugh--it's been wipe nose, asperate (or however you spell it), take temperature, clean nasty diaper, wipe nasty drippy goopy crusty eye, hug, find sippy cup, figure out why baby is upset, give meds, and repeat.  

It's not been pleasant at all.  I'm hoping that this will all be past us soon.  

I also had a meltdown last week work-wise.  I'm so overwhelmed with my schedule this year and all of the commitments I have between my 4 performance groups that I can't find time to get anything done during the school day.  

It was Friday morning when I realized that I had actually come to work because it was a Friday and one of my 2 days that I get to see my chorus students and we have a concert a month away (which equates to 7 rehearsals) and LEFT MY CHILD WHO HAD A FEVER OF 105F AT HOME because I felt so professionally guilty.  

That was it.  

I broke down, right there in the middle of the school hallway.  

Kids and teachers and parents were all over the place and I didn't even care.  I spoke to a friend who happened to intercept me and then went straight to the office and said, "I need to leave, I don't have a sub, and I don't care what you do with my classes today."  Luckily, the secretary is one of my better friends at work and she immediately got everything covered for me to go home.  

Tomorrow is a performance day.  I wasn't there on Friday to get things squared away.  I have exactly one hour in the morning to move chairs and stands, get violins tuned, make sure the sound system is set up, get my chorus students squared away in the proper seats, and not have a panic attack.  If you happen to read this between now and Monday I ask that you please say a little prayer for me.  

While you are at it, I need to have a long heart to heart with my principal this week about my job.  I'm in an interesting position because I'm not tenured.  My principal could very well choose not to renew my contract at the end of the year if she feels like I'm not performing to her standards, or if she finds someone who she believes could do a better job.  I need to let her know that while I'm not trying to be an unprofessional crybaby, this job is slowly draining me, my marriage, and my family and I'm not going to let it happen.  I'm also going to let her know that if things do not dramatically change for next year I'll be forced to find a new job.  

That's when things get really scary.  Music jobs are extremely few and far between, and I could be setting myself up for unemployment (or at least employment that is not field-related).  I have to trust that I am in this position and situation for a reason, and that's why I'm asking for your prayers.