Sunday, October 4, 2015

31 Days of Reclaiming Life: Day 4

After running a 5K a few weeks ago for a great cause, I had a shooting pain in my hip that has persisted in making my training and gym life miserable.  I have iced, medicated, stretched, rested--and it still feels like I'm getting shots in my hip every time I jump on the treadmill.  

I'm apparently an old lady. 

Pre-race-related old lady hip injury.
I find it so frustrating that I spent the time and energy preparing for this event.  I took my time, I followed the plan, I've worked with my trainer, and I'm still walking away with an injury.  I'm a firm believer in working for what I want and I hate, hate, hate failure.  I fully expected different results and I'm left holding the ice-bag. 

And I don't even like running.  

I'm beginning to think that this is just another part of my need for complete control.  This event was held only two days after we buried my grandfather and I was looking forward to having something to look forward to--the endorphins from exercise, the feeling of completion, the ability to carb load.  So when the results were less than stellar--I'm disappointed.  

I have a lot of friends in my circle who are walking around with injuries of their own.  They worked so hard to make their marriages work and were left holding their wedding bands (and the kids).  There are the friends who have lost their jobs even though they have been stellar employees.  I've seen great parents deal with troubled and violent children.  Situations like these don't always come with quick fixes.    

And I don't like how things turn out sometimes.  

I want to believe that all things happen for a reason.  I want to be able to look at a situation and find the cause for its effect.  I want to know that life is more than just a series of unfortunate and random events.  I can't explain away every senseless act of violence, every terrible accident, or every sad story I hear.  Children should not have to die, husbands and wives should stay together.  There should be a cure for cancer and every other disease.  Countries should live in peace with each other and no one should ever have to go to bed hungry.  

Because my soul's need for order and control wants answers that make sense.  


And, we won't always receive those answers.

But I do know that these unfortunate things eventually make me a better person.  I've learned resilience and how to survive because of them.  I'm much more compassionate towards others when I've been through similar situations.  Because even though your trials are different from mine, my heart knows what hurt feels like.  I know what it feels like to be lonely, heartbroken, confused, and disgusted.  I've given my best to situations, and sometimes my best wasn't good enough.  I've wrestled with pride, sin, and shame.  

I also know how good it feels to have a genuine soul to walk along beside me when I'm at my worst (and they love me anyway).   



I can only hope to return the favor. 


Thank you for taking the time to join me during this 31 Days challenge!  Would you mind answering a few questions for me? 

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